Absolute Fandom Trash

Idk if I'm stupid for not realizing this the first time but it just dawned on me

METATRON DIDN'T THINK AZIRAPHALE WAS THE BEST POSITION FOR THE JOB

Something didn't sit well with me the first time I heard Metatron talk about Aziraphale being the best candidate for the job and it's because Metatron is describing the best qualities to be the supreme archangel but Aziraphale doesn't have any of those qualities! I guess you can make some points for leadership but he's certainly not honest. At least not in my opinion. It also didn't make any sense why they didn't just choose Micheal or Uriel or Saraqael. I mean when Gabriel was in charge it didn't look like he did that better of a job than that bunch would have done.

Then it hit me

"We don't want it to look like an institutional problem"

They didn't pick Aziraphale because he "made the most sense" they picked him because by letting Gabriel go off with Beelzebub they needed Aziraphale back so it's not an institutional problem!! Aziraphale coming back is just their way of being like "hey guys! no problems up here everything is fine Gabriel just went crazy and fell in love with a demon. Isn't that what Aziraphale did too? nonono he's right here can't you see dumbass". Heaven doesn't give a shit about Aziraphale's "qualifications" they just need to keep up appearances! which is why it didn't make any sense that they just let Gabriel go. Aziraphale is right there!

In so many of the allegories, sheep are good because they follow the shepherd unquestioningly, while goats are evil because… well, they’re goats. They do their own thing and can’t be controlled/led like sheep.

The most significant section is in the book of Matthew 25, which is especially important since it relates to the second coming - the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ will be separated like sheep and goats. The sheep are told they are good and will go to heaven, the goats are told “ Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.”

So when Crowley gets defensive of goats, there’s a tasty subtextual layer of meta going on there.

Job: They’re innocent Crowley: So were the goats

Crowley knows he did nothing wrong and was condemned for it, and will never ever ever forgive Heaven for it.

So one of the things that made me smile so, SO much, was THIS:

That PURE ABSOLUTE UTTER JOY.

We have not seen ANYTHING like that from demon Crowley. We've seen him be drunk and silly, we've seen him be amused, but we've not seen this.

Now, let's consider what we know about Heaven:

It's never fully populated. ALL of the shots are completely devoid of angels, except for a few, who are almost always just getting somewhere and never really talking to each other.

Where I thought the archangels were a tight clan, it really looks like they're super catty and prone to jealousy. No doubt they would stab each other in the back happily if it came down to it. How much of Heaven is like that, if even the archangels all hate each other?

Aziraphale already has a nervous disposition when he meets Crowley. Is he perhaps an angel that NEVER fit in? Is he familiar with being ostracized by his peers? Just how lonely IS Heaven? Crowley seems to be a pretty powerful angel, and HE doesn't even know that it's all getting shut down in 6000 years -- it's like no one talks to anyone.

Aziraphale, during their whole meeting, looks absolutely smitten. At one point, Crowley goes, "Look at you! You're gorgeous!" and Aziraphale looks over with happy surprise, just before realizing he's not looking at him but rather at what he's created. And then, when Crowley starts going on about making suggestions and asking questions, Aziraphale is IMMEDIATELY concerned and doesn't want him to get into trouble.

Aziraphale is hooked on this angel, and I cannot help but think that this is perhaps the first angel who has ever WELCOMED Aziraphale into his company.

He is hooked on this angel, and the way Crowley smiles is with the light of all the stars he's just created, and it's infectious and it brings a smile to Aziraphale's face as well. And then this angel shields him from the oncoming falling stars.

He is hooked on this angel, and then this angel goes and joins the Great Rebellion, and becomes fallen himself.

"You were an angel once," Aziraphale said, softly, at the bandstand. He remembers.

I think it's reasonable to guess that Heaven has never felt so warm as it did in the presence of millions of exploding stars, next to the (arch?)angel that may perhaps be one of the few (only?) to pay him any positive attention.

I think it's reasonable to assume that Heaven was not the same after Crowley fell. I wouldn't be surprised to find out Aziraphale had wondered about the angel, wondered if he was okay. I would imagine that Aziraphale keeps that picture of pure, angelic, unbridled joy somewhere inside of him.

So, really, is it any surprise that threaded throughout EVERY interaction, Aziraphale has this deep-down feeling that Crowley is good? Would it be any surprise that Aziraphale, an angel who goes along with Heaven as far as he can (which isn't always), feels that if HE is still an angel, then what was done to Crowley was a great injustice?

I think it would make sense that we are shown "before the beginning" not just because it is fun, but because THIS is the foundational context for everything Aziraphale thinks Crowley is, everything Crowley enjoys. I think he remembers this moment and wishes he could live there forever. With Crowley. The two of them with this happiness, forever.

But nothing lasts forever, as much as he wishes it did.

I'm not saying Aziraphale was right with what he did to Crowley at the end of s2. There is a lot I think he did wrong. I think he held onto this picture so tightly, he didn't realize that Crowley had long since let it go, and painted a new one with Aziraphale with all the shades of grey he picked up as he sauntered (or plummeted) vaguely downward (into a pool of boiling sulfur).

I don't think he was right, but I do think he is understandable. I think there was a lot of selfishness, but also some misguided selflessness too. I watched that first scene with angelic Crowley and my heart actually broke a little, because I thought, "What a shame this joy was taken away from him."

I think Aziraphale is trying to right the injustice he feels has been done. But I also think Aziraphale doesn't realize that Crowley can never go back. The concept of falling never crossed Crowley's mind when he suggested that he ask a few questions, and he will NEVER get that kind of innocence back. And Aziraphale doesn't understand, because Heaven has clearly always just been that way for him (he is already aware of the danger of asking questions).

Crowley does not want to go back because he can never go back. He can never be the same angel he was when he thought he could build a universal machine that would crank out stars for eons and eons. He can never be the same angel he was when he thought he could make some suggestions and ask some questions and co-create with THE Creator.

Crowley understands that, and Aziraphale doesn't. But I can understand why Aziraphale would want to try. And I think it's all because of this:

Last night I reblogged this lovely post from @inkonice-main talking about Holmes and Watson's relationship as a great love story (whether romantic or platonic), and it's been clanging around in my brain ever since.

Just in case you stumbled across this post randomly, I'm currently making a cosy mystery Sherlock Holmes game set in Sussex, which has Holmes trying to put together a picnic for Watson. My plan is to write them in a close platonic friendship or queerplatonic partnership because that interpretation means a lot to me, but to keep it shipper friendly and leave the possibility open that they are a romantic couple.

The problem I've been toying over for the entire six months of development so far is WHY Holmes has decided to drop everything and make this ultimate picnic for Watson. What's his motivation, dah-ling?

And I've cycled through a few ideas:

He doesn't need a reason, elaborate theatre is how he shows affection. Perhaps true, but that doesn't give much of an emotional base for the game.

It's all sparked off by Watson writing and publishing the Creeping Man, the story with all the "The relations between us in those latter days were peculiar" content. But it never quite flowed for me. If Watson is happy with Holmes in Sussex, why is he writing so discontentedly? It also felt like telling-not-showing for players.

I thought perhaps it could be spurred on by Holmes having a nightmare where he's back on a case everything goes wrong. He realises that both he and Watson are in the twilight of their lives and if he doesn't tell Watson plainly how he feels, he may lose the chance. This is closer to working for me, but I think a dream being a character's primary motivation is silly and lazy, and this anxiety Holmes has doesn't seem reflected in the fact that they're living together happily. To the player it's obvious Watson already knows Holmes loves him, so there's no tension.

Then I read that post, and it all clicked. Because let's look at the Canon: it is a love story, but like most love stories of glorious intensity, things have not always run smoothly.

Holmes has withheld truths. He pretended to be dead for years. He constantly toys with his health and causes Watson pain and anxiety. All the paths Watson laid out for his life have been disrupted by his adoration of this brilliant but challenging man. Years of living together at this frantic, breakneck, head-over-heels pace seem to have taken their toll: Holmes suddenly wants to retreat from the world and take up his beekeeping, and Watson remarries and doesn't follow him, as he needs to live his own life. By His Last Bow, it seems they haven't seen each other for years.

"We heard of you as living the life of a hermit among your bees and your books in a small farm upon the South Downs," says Watson, suggesting he's never visited. But they reconnect, and thankfully the spark between them is still there. War is looming on the horizon, and both fear it may take their lives - "Stand with me here upon the terrace, for it may be the last quiet talk that we shall ever have," says Holmes.

That's where we leave them, looking out over a moonlit sea waiting for the dawn, exchanging words that they fear will be parting ones.

But the reader is left with the hope that perhaps they won't be parted again this time. War can't separate these two, surely? Nothing can.

So. That's where the picnic comes in, as a last coda in this great love story.

The War is over. Holmes and Watson have reunited. Perhaps Watson visits Holmes more often now, widowed once again. And Holmes realises that what both of them need now is to be together.

Except how does he say that, as someone who does not share his innermost thoughts easily?

The picnic represents the one chance that Holmes feels he has to say, I've treated you badly. I've made mistakes. But we can get through them, because we love each other. Let's not be parted ever again. Come and stay with me here.

The picnic isn't just a picnic.

It's a proposal.

So like, no pressure, players. :P

EDIT:

Just to clarify because I think my wording confused some folks - My plan is still to write them in a close platonic friendship or queerplatonic partnership and to keep it shipper friendly and leave the possibility open that they are a romantic couple.

Wish ao3 had an algorithm? Wish it would recommend you the best of the best? Ao3 can’t, but your fellow fans can all through the magic of the bookmark search. How is this done?

Find your tag of choice (fandom/ship/character/trope). The default search is by works. Set it to bookmarks.

2. Add filters like normal. Check ‘rec’ and ‘has notes’ near the bottom. Sort.

And voilà. Now everything listed comes with positive reviews for your perusal.

Sit back on your divan and let your servants feed you grapes knowing that other brave souls went before you to bring you these gems for your illustrious inspection.

Side Notes:

Authors do see bookmark comments. Do not be an ass to people sharing their art for free.

I've noticed that a lot of people don't seem to be aware that this is an option, so I thought I'd write an informative post about the AO3 feature that allows you to look up tags!

What is this and where can I find it?

It's a page on Archive of our Own that can be accessed by selecting "Search" in the upper bar and then clicking on "Tags." Or by clicking this link, if you'd just like to go there right away!

As the name indicates, it's a form you can use to look up a list of AO3 tags corresponding to a keyword (or multiple.)

Holmes never had a façade about being an unfeeling machine. He was just somewhat an introverted kinda guy (probably on the spectrum). Watson had only made it up to save him from public suspicions, etc.

Just look at the way Watson describes Holmes in A Study in Scarlet. The first time they met, the first case they ever solved together. He was extra poetic about him throughout the novel.

“Ha! ha!” he cried, clapping his hands, and looking as delighted as a child with a new toy. “What do you think of that?”

It's so different from his description of Holmes in the very next story, i.e., The Sign of the Four. A stark contrast-

“You really are an automaton,—a calculating- machine!” I cried. “There is something positively inhuman in you at times.”

This type of description remains consistent in the rest of the stories, later on. (Mostly. Some incidents do give him away, but generally speaking.)

The reason might be because of this-

“Some facts should be suppressed, or at least a just sense of proportion should be observed in treating them.

Holmes had asked him to do that, himself.

I know that a lot of people already think that this might be the case but what I'm trying to say is that I don't think that The Adventure of the Three Garridebs was the first time that Watson was able to see the great heart behind the cold mask. I think Watson knew about the existence of his human side already. Canon! Watson was not oblivious. He must have known everything about Holmes' feelings. I do believe that he's an unreliable narrator. A lot of the things he says in his stories can be taken with a grain of salt.

What makes Three Garridebs so special is that it was a rare moment when Holmes being openly vulnerable and affectionate towards Watson and that moment was so intense that Watson didn't have it in himself to suppress the facts anymore.

Watson says that it was the first time ever that he saw Holmes' emotional side behind the cold mask.

In my opinion, it was only partially true. That wasn't the first time he saw it, that was the time when the moment was so intense that he couldn't find any other way to describe it in his story but the raw truth about it. That's why he made it sound like it was the first time ever that he was seeing it. I really don't think that Canon! Watson was that oblivious (unlike John Watson from BBC Sherlock).

He is the POV character in most of the stories. The narration is almost always in first person. Sometimes he describes him like he did in the whole of STUD. Or like this in some of the other stories-

We had a first-class carriage to ourselves–and laying a hand upon each of my knees he looked into my eyes with the peculiarly mischievous gaze which was characteristic of his more imp-like moods.

(The problem of Thor bridge)

Other times, he chooses to describe him something along the lines of "sentiment for my companion is like a crack in the lens, a fly in the ointment..." and so on. Holmes was even playing the violin to help him sleep in The Sign of the Four. Watson was himself the one to mention it and talk about it in that story. It becomes quite contradictory sometimes.

Which is why I think that the "cold and unfeeling machine" was not even a façade that Canon!Holmes was hiding behind. He was always sentimental and Watson knew about this. This is the kind of image that Watson just made it up for his chronicles in The Strand.

I've seen a couple of posts here in there implying that the ways to find the best fics in fandoms are just to go to ao3, and sort by 'Most Kudoses', 'Most Bookmarks', 'Most Comments', etc. I've also seen some folks say they feel like their fics are failures if they don't make it to the front page(s), or at least near there.

But the simple fact: this is not true.

Now, I'm not saying that the top-rated fics in a fandom are bad.

Far from it! They're often very popular for a reason. Well written, fun dynamics, cool plots, etc. A lot of my own favourite fics have made it to the first page when you sort by "Most Kudos"-- but then, a lot of mine also haven't.

Why?

Because those selections are inherently biased.

What do I mean by that? Just that there are other factors influencing what stories accumulate the most comments/kudoses/etc in a fandom, meaning none of these serve as a neutral metric of quality.

I'm going to explain some of these biases briefly, just so folks get a sense of what I mean:

Age Bias This, I think, is the easiest to grasp. A fic that is three years old just has had more time to gain views than a fic that's three days old. Also, consider that pretty much any fandom needs time to grow. If you're in the first days/weeks/months of a fandom, there probably just isn't that much content being made. If there's only 10 fics on the archive, then 11th one stands out. It'll get a lot of attention. But if that same fic were to come out a couple years later, when there were 11 fics published in a single day, well, people are more likely to miss it. If you doubt me, take a look at the front page of 'Most Kudos' for a fandom of your choice. You'll probably see a lot of the stories there are on the older side- and this is exactly why.

Multi-Chapter Bias There are a lot of ways people find new fics to read, and one of the most basic is just: look at the front page of the most recent updates. Now, this way of sorting fics is exactly what it sounds like. A list of fics in order of when they were most recently posted/updated. But, obviously, if a fic has multiple chapters, it's going to appear on that front page way more often. A 50 chapter epic has 49 more chances to get seen this way than a one-shot. This issue becomes even more intense when you consider the Most Comments sort option. For a one shot, a person is probably likely to only comment once. Maybe if they really love the story and revisit, they'll leave a second or third. But multi-factor fics? By design, people come back every update. And that means a lot of people leave comments every single time. (Or at the very least, after big plot developments and twists!) This is what leads to long-running multi-chapter epics dominating the 'Most Comments' rankings in most fandoms.

Popular Pairing Bias Again, this is just obvious. Some pairings are more popular than others. A rare-pair fic can be just as soulful, hot, and well-written as a story featuring the fandom's powerhouse fic, but if only 30 people are interested, well... [shrug] Less people will click on it, kudos it, and leave a comment. To a lesser extent, you can expand this to any trope. 'Coffee Shop AUs' just seem to be more popular than, say, '1930s Mobster AUs'. That effects what tags people search, and what fics they find. But shipping is such an important element of many fandom cultures I thought it would be the most illustrative.

Positive Feedback Loop Bias And honestly, this is maybe the real clincher. Because I've established some of the things that can cause a story to start gathering lots of kudos, comments, and bookmarks in a first place. But once that starts, you get a positive feedback loop going. Because what's one of the first things a person does when they're looking for good stories in a fandom? They sort by 'Most Kudos'. And then they select the first story on the list, and they like it. So they leave a comment and kudos and... Yeaaaah.

So... What do we do about it?

Well. Nothing really. This isn't really a problem. It's just something to be aware of.

Any attempt to put metrics on something as subjective as art is going to fall short. So don't go rating the quality of your own stories about how well it performs, and don't go chasing those coveted top spots. You'll have a lot more fun if you just write stuff that you enjoy, make some friends, and recognise a lot of factors influence fanfic statistics beyond just quality.

Searching via most comments/kudoses/bookmarks remains one of the easiest and quickest ways to start diving into a new fandom. It's often the first things I do, and found stories I love that way.

That said: I highly encourage you to search for fics beyond just that method. Here are some of my suggestions if you want to figure out ways to get started:

Search up Fanfic Rec Lists. Lots of people put them on their blogs, and websites like TVTropes even have that as a whole feature

Ask for fic recs! Seriously! Post about it in the fandom's tumblr tag, join Discord communities, etc, and just say, "Hey, I'd love to read a story where... [insert the general themes, characters, or plot points you like". People will be EXCITED to share.

Search by specific tags Like, do you really, really love time loops? Search the 'Time Loop' tag in your favourite fandoms. A lot of specific tropes, AUs, etc. are canonized, so you can find a lot of stuff up your alley that way

Browse the most recently updated fics Yeah, I know, it's old school. But seriously, you can find some awesome stuff there-- including stories from new authors just starting out, who could really use a boost!