normal honking noises

actually i’m allowed to use ur and your in the same sentence because i’m sweet and precious

Heated rivalry shouldve been about 2 ugly old guys that play mahjong then maybe id consider watching it

various tv, film, and theater producers for the last 50 years smacking themselves in the forehead like fuuuuck how can we make it easy to understand why carrie is alienated from her peers and callously bullied at school WITHOUT making her a hideous fatass like in the book

Those fanfic type stories people write where the plot is like “I picked up a stray cat off the street and it turned into a sexy man?!” R so funny cause if I found a cute cat and spent a week taking care of it and being like aw ur my baby now just for that cat to turn into a man that shit would piss me clean off…I might even kill him

they call it amtrak because the trains am on the trak

as a child i assumed that martha’s vineyard was a fancy private vineyard owned by martha stewart and the reason rich people vacationed there was because they were friends with martha

telehealth appointments with a gynecologist is so conceptually funny to me

there is nothing lemon squeezy about any of this

cats will be like please i need you to watch me wiggle around on this carpet please hey look look please look at me i’m wiggling