A Bemused Obsessive.

They were staying in enemy territory, and as long as they were doing so they were not to travel anywhere alone.

"I don't need a chaperone!" the Hobbit protested when Fíli and Kíli followed him out the door.

"You never know what Elves might do," Fíli countered. "Best to have some back-up."

The Hobbit humphed in response. "The Elves have been nothing but nice to us so far and are our hosts — and anyhow I doubt they would want to attack a Hobbit."

"Perhaps not, they do seem to like you in particular. Still we're under orders."

"So where're we going?" Kíli asked, as they passed into another corridor.

"I'm not sure. Out! To see what's to see. I hear the Elves keep great gardens, and I should like to have a look."

"Hopefully their gardens are better than their architecture," Fíli said gesturing around as they came onto a collumned porch, "it's like they don't know the difference between inside and out."

The Hobbit's ears then did something quite strange: they drooped down as he said, "Well I rather like it, I think it's rather pretty." And then even stranger they, his ears, shot right back up as they stepped down into the grass.

"Why'd your ears do that?" Kíli asked, staring.

"What?"

"Your ears, they moved," Fíli said, "Didn't you notice?"

"Of course I noticed, they are my ears after all. What about them?"

"Well now they've gone all droopy! Are you alright Master Boggins?" Kíli said, reaching over and trying to gently pull the tip of the Hobbit's right ear back up. His hand was slapped away on the instant.

"Baggins," Bilbo corrected in a shrill tone, "And don't you ever dare touch my ears again! Terribly rude! Who raised you to go around grabbing people's ears?! By Yavanna's fuzzy feet! Rude, impolite, young Dwarf! I say!"

"Sorry, Master Baggins." The Dwarf raised his hands in defeat against a Hobbit now with his ears stiffly pointing backwards, finger waving at him, tail flicking furiously. "I won't touch your ears again. Sorry."

"No you won't! Good. Right. Hmph." The Hobbit turned on his heel and stomped off muttering, "Yavanna save me from rude ear-grabbing Dwarves!"

At this point Fíli could no longer contain his laughter at the absurdity of the situation.

"I didn't know he'd get so offened!" Kíli protested.

Eventually Fíli pulled himself together enough to pat his brother on the shoulder and tell him: "Kíli, I don't think anyone would take kindly to having their ear pulled up."

"Well, alright, no they wouldn't. But you saw! It just went flop down! It looked like it would droop clean off his head!" The younger brother mimed just such a horrible event.

"I don't think even Hobbit ears would droop clean off, I don't think that's even possible," Fíli told him sensibly.

"It didn't look right," Kíli argued, "Surely your ear rotating like that's gunna hurt," he added, holding the tips of his own ears in sympathy.

"Well he didn't look to be in any pain. Probably it's some weird Hobbit thing. C'mon he's probably cooled down a bit and we can ask him." Fíli started heading off then in the direction of the trees the Hobbit had stormed off into, with his brother at his heel.

"I'm sorry Master Baggins," Kíli repeated when they found him sitting on the bank of a stream.

The Hobbit sighed, his ears drooping, and tail coming down to rest in the grass. "It's alright. Just don't do it again, please."

"No, never."

"Good."

"But why did your ears do that? Go all floppy and then all stiff and rotate around?" Fíli asked as he sat down.

"What do you mean why? Why wouldn't they? Wait now!" Mr Baggins' face lit up and his ears sprang up and forward in realisation. "Don't Dwarves' ears move, or are you more like Elves?"

"How dare you!"

"We're not like Elves at all!" It was the brothers' turn to get offended.

"Well I meant in that your ears are all stiff like Men's and Elves' — your ears don't move around do they?"

"No, of course they don't!" said Kíli.

"Well Hobbit ears move and it's perfectly normal."

"But why?" asked Fíli.

"Why do lips curl into a smile? Why do you nod for 'yes' and shake for 'no'? Hobbit ears go with our emotions, it's as simple as that."

"Like rabbits?"

"No, not like rabbits, Master Kíli, like Hobbits."

****

"Did any of ye notice how Master Baggins' ears move and rotate?" Kíli asked the others that night. Well most of the others: Thorin, Balin, the wizard, and the Hobbit had all gone to see Lord Pointy Ears about the map.

"No, what're you on about?"

"Ears don't move, don't be daft."

"I'm sure we'd have noticed if Mister Baggins had spinning ears."

"I'm being serious!" Kíli told them.

"Hold on I noticed his ears can go all floppy and fold sometimes," Nori backed him up. "Seemed strange alright, but he is a strange fella after all."

"See I told ye."

"What?!" Came a chours from the others.