you contradict yourself because you contain multitudes. i contradict myself because i am wrong.

"I love you but you're doing wrong in a way I cannot condone" and "I hate you but you're being wronged in a way I cannot stomach" are top tier and I need more of them.

i get why people were criminals back in the day. if i was running from the cops in the thirties and i turned around and saw three horses and a model t id probably slow down to a light jog

... You... You think you can outrun a horse?

in the 1930s yeah. I did a lot of cardio

Back when you were around in the 1930s?

yeah back in the 1930s

Is Chris Evans Steve Rogers or is Steve Rogers Chris Evans?

“Fellas, is it gay to be a good father?”

if I don’t reblog a good burn on piers morgan, assume I’m dead

The logic of “Brands will only hop on the train if they can prove it’s profitable” makes it so much funnier when they clown on this fool. “Yeah we crunched the numbers and we found it to be profitable to call this clown out in public. Jacob hit the post button.”

the horrors may be unrelenting but motherfucker so am i!

Heartbreaking: girl has to get out of bed

Franz you'll never fucking believe what just happened to me

Your soul will build your body into a home.

This is literally the first time I have ever seen cellulite depicted on someone in a painting