star wars characters as john mulaney quotes
anakin: when my wife walks down the street, she does not give a shit what anyone thinks of her in any situation. she’s my hero. when i walk down the street, i need everybody, all day long, to like me so much. it’s exhausting.
padme: you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.
obi wan: i’ll keep all my emotions right here. and then one day, i’ll die.
palpatine: and then i said “no.” you know, like a liar.
leia: some people give off a vibe of, right away, they’re like, “do not fuck with me.”
luke: my vibe is more like “hey, you could pour soup in my lap and i’d probably apologize to you.”
han: they’re like, “does that work?” i’m like, “it didn’t NOT work.”
lando: hi, i’m very gay and i’d like a few dollars.
rey: i have had a very long day. i am very small and i have no money. so you can imagine the kind of stress i’m under.
finn: you know those days where you’re like, “this might as well happen”?
poe: i don’t care for these new nazis and you may quote me on that.
kylo: when i’m walking down the street, no one’s ever like, “hey! look at that man!” i think they’re just like, “whoa, that tall child looks terrible! get some rest, tall child!”
rose: i try to stay optimistic, even though i must admit, things are getting pretty sticky.
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