Simon clearly doesn’t understand what divorce means because, despite the legal paperwork saying otherwise, he seems to think he's still your guardian, shadow, or both. When he heard about your date with a co-worker, he didn’t just crash the restaurant—he made himself comfortable at the bar, stared daggers at your date, and casually ordered a drink like he wasn’t blatantly stalking you. Your poor date barely lasted ten minutes before bolting, muttering something about “unfinished business.”
Then there was the time you came home from work to find your trash cans neatly pulled to the curb—except it wasn’t trash day yet. When you checked the security camera, there he was, in full tactical gear, shaking his head at your "lack of preparedness."
One morning, you woke up to the sound of a drill. Groggy and confused, you stumbled into the living room to find Simon installing reinforced locks on your windows. “Your security’s a joke,” he said, ignoring the fact that you hadn’t asked for his help—or even let him in.
Another time, he called you at 2 a.m., claiming he’d “heard something” outside your house. You told him it was probably the wind, but when you checked the window, his truck was parked across the street. He waved like this was completely normal.
He’s also developed a habit of showing up when you least expect it: at the dog park (despite not having a dog), the grocery store (silently restocking your cart with “essentials” you didn’t ask for), and even at your gym, where he once offered to “spot” you during your workout.
His most unhinged moment, though, had to be the time you came home to find your fridge fully stocked with all your favorite foods—even the fancy yogurt you only buy on payday. At first, you thought you’d forgotten a shopping trip, but the security footage told a different story: Simon, lugging in bags of groceries, meticulously organizing your shelves like he was running a cooking show. When you confronted him about it, he just said, “You’ve been skipping meals. Thought I’d help.”
And when you dared to bring up boundaries, he just shrugged, looking genuinely confused. “You don’t stop caring about someone just because of some papers,” he said, as if that justified breaking into your house, fixing your roof, or leaving a bouquet of wildflowers on your porch “because they reminded me of you.”
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