5,518 Miles Apart

10 years, come and gone in April. Ten long and hard fought years, for the most part. Our relationship started out tumultuous based on circumstances that I lived through, but he stayed. Through it all, he was like my shadow, one pace behind, ready to catch me as I stumbled and clawed up towards every goal I set out to conquer. I ask myself if I dare immortalize it in prose - the only way I know how - to have it stamp into memory as best I can, to a nook of this sort, to have the story breathe to life in words.

So, you may be asking yourself... Did I end up where I wanted to be? Did he? Are we still together?

I think I will leave that to a different post, so much has happened and there is so much to go over. It has been so long ago, after all.

He is graduating, but has immediately thrown himself into a Master's program at his University.

I am still working at the cafe, a minimum wage job.

I know what I'm passionate about, but there is little pay involved in the beginning, and I am unsure of how to progress.

I can't find anything that pays more without a degree, but I can't head to college because I have to make income to pay current bills.

It's a vicious cycle, but I have to push out of it. For our sakes. 

My insecurities have stemmed from a ton of childhood trauma, and my past relationships were the icing on top. You know these things, but I still struggle with them. What hurts the most is that I’m still fighting through them, and you have to deal with that fallout. 

I appreciate the fact you haven’t given up on me, you never ran away.  It’s so new to me, the way you are with me. I love you so much, I feel safe alongside you. 

In 7 days, I’ll be in your arms once more. I’ll feel safe and warm once more.  I’m excited to see you again. I’ll show you just how much I appreciate you, I promise. We get to celebrate your birthday together again, and I really hope to make you that cake this time around. I really hope everything works out in the end, with my new job. 

I was so nervous that morning, picking out what to wear, how to style my hair...  Would you even care? Would it be the same butterflies I’ve been feeling as we talked that would flutter, seeing you in person? I hoped fervently as I drove to the airport that it would be the case. 

Pacing in the terminal exit. Delays with customs. No sign of you as my phone died in the middle of a fleeting conversation we had, the first one in a few hours since the start of your flight. I had no idea whether I wanted to sit at the lounge or stand unwaveringly around, hoping that you’d pop up amidst the small crowds making their way out. As the last form of entertainment I had, my iPhone Nano played melodies through my earphones, probably in a vain attempt to keep my nerves in check as I stood on the lookout for you. Nothing could really calm me from these feelings. 

And then everything stopped.

Your light reddish brown hair was the first thing I saw, as you timidly walked to the center of the terminal, seemingly scouting the exit to find me.

Those butterflies were in full swing. 

I had to get to you. Making my way to you, unable to find me from the sea of people that were also there, waiting in anticipation for their loved one, I moved to the second row, calling out your name. I waved over to you as you turned in my direction, our eyes meeting. You were so timid!  Your pace to me was quick, but careful; you were looking back at your luggage as you went. 

I was just a bubble of emotions, running to you, hugging you all of a sudden. 

You didn’t let go of your luggage, probably baffled that I had hugged you within minutes of seeing you in person. -smiles-