hi friends!

While you sit there being excited about your video games, I'm watching Iran bomb Tel Aviv again

The pervert lesbian is wearing a floral print bikini and has managed to awkwardly insert the saying "stop and smell the flowers" into your conversation 6 times in an hour

girlfriend keeps a kyubey plushie just to beat up when she's angry so sometimes i'm running down the list of questions to ask to help her figure out what would make her feel better and "do you want to hurt kyubey" is often one of them

my least favorite literary smut turn of phrase is when a guy is like “im gonna ruin this pussy” “im gonna wreck this pussy for anyone else” like stop.. thats not yours…!

if i had a husband id perform surgery on him

the issue with man in dress jokes in manga and stuff liketthat is that sometimes they draw them really cute. i think she should stay in the dress forever

*talking loudly to my fat golf friends* now jeez… chevy chase. if he had a pussy i would lay him out like pizza dough

i was working a woodfire pizza oven at a golf course in college when i wrote this, in case you ever doubted the puzzle that is my world

I'm imagining a world where RPGMaker somehow made it as the de facto codebase for software and you have to navigate your banking app by walking around in a huge room full of NPCs named "make deposit" and "make withdrawal" etc and there's loud as fuck stock music playing

I hate being aware that my frenzy meter is filling

they are poisoning us today with a thursday poison little do they know we’ve been through a few thursday poisonings so it won’t kill us just yet