i'll eat you up

realizes its been almost 10 years since i tried to kill myself. i will get it right this time 🫡

The urge to self destruct so that it cant possibly matter to anyone when i die

Im never going to matter to anyone as much as they matter to me so I should just. kill myself already. Why am i even waiting.

I dont know why i ever thought life would get better I dont deserve any of the people I have and theyd be better off without me and frankly I dont know why i keep entertaining the idea that they even tolerate me

Why cant i just die without it being my fault

I want to ask at what point did i become a person thats so easy to forget about but Ive literally always struggled making friends so there isnt a specific point I just. Was born wrong. Without social adaptability. And even now all these years later so many times entire friend groups have dropped me like its nothing I STILL cant figure out how to be likable

I wish i knew the exact moment in time that i ruined my future because it feels like theres so many. So so many mistakes i cant take back. I hate myself so bad and i dont even know when to blame it on

God wbat is even the fucking point anymore

When i tried to kms at 16 I should have tried harder jesus christ

I just want to be attractive and desirable to someone and to make out and literally just feel like a normal human but no I am undeserving of love and affection and worthless