coral king

i have no friends but am surrounded by people who vaguely know me and vaguely like me but the are all connected in a web of social groups and friends that completely baffles me because i have never had friends or a group of friends or people that wanted me around and it is the fucking worst and i hate it here so much i wish i knew what it was like to have friends and belong in a group of people

literally how am i supposed to survive like this

i dont think i can go out to events anymore honestly because it just makes me feel like more of a fucking satellite theres nothing like being with in a room with most of the people you know in the world and trying and failing to join conversations around the room and seeing the fucking friendship shooting out of peoples eyes and arms and voices as they connect and interact in complex ways i never have and realize that even though these are the people that i do have in my life and there is no where else in the world that i know people or that people know me i still mean so little to the people that i do know and dont belong 

ive been here for two years

i need to

put on clothes