09Shell-sea09

Words cannot describe how much I love this fic, so maybe three months worth of drawings can!

Fic: I May Be Invisible, but I Still Look Good by @dandylovesturtles

It has been alittle over a year since Danny was chased out of Amity after a bad reveal with his parents. They tried to convince everyone that he died but far too many people saw him running away from their shots. They were avoided before but now they were dispised. Tucker moved away not long after that, his parents didn't think the town was safe with the Fentons. Jazz went off to college.

They keep in contact, still trying to look for Danny. Trying to avoid Vlad, the GIW, and the Fentons.

Now Sam is here, at a gala, with her parents trying to introduce her to older, richer families and their children. Like the Wayne's, with their trillions of dollars, and many single kids.

That's when she sees him, with the Wayne's, their newest adoptee Is Danny.

Thinking quick she says something she never thought she'd say. 'Hey mom, I'm gonna go flirt with one of the Wayne's.'

Her mom stared, wide eyed. Then handed her something and said 'The Wayne's are trillionares. Go be a rebellious teenager and have some fun.'

It was a condom. Her mother just handed her a condom. She didn't even ask which Wayne! From the 12 year old Damien to the 29 year old Richard! Just "be rebellious and have fun"!

Can he create it in an enclosed space and can that enclosed space be another human body?

You know when people say "There were signs...."? This is one of those moments.

I jest, I jest.

But Danny has done something like that before, though he used it on plants. If someone or something is touching him, he can cover it with ice. I think if he had enough time to practice, he would have learned how to make the ice go through a solid- likely with a touch of intangibility- and then freeze whatever is on the other side of that solid.

That could include the human body's interior. I personally love morally grey characters more than dark characters, so if I were to have Danny do this, it would likely be on someone who really deserved to be ended.

Joker, Scarecrow, and Pyg are the villains I personally hate and make Danny kill on the spot, so if he were to freeze anyone's insides, it would be them. He might even do it without letting the ice show on the outside. Like they would be in the middle of a villain monologue, and Danny, as casually as can be, walks by, taps them, or bumps into them for a brief second, and freezes them from that tiny contact. They fall to the ground dead, and no one would see the crystallized ice until thier autopsies.

This would, of course, convince the heroes that someone who killed so easily was at large. Out there was someone who had ice powers with deadly accuracy, and obviously had no quarrels with murder. The Bats would be on the hunt while Danny would just be another face in the crowd, blending in because he doesn't show any outside hint of his powers.

No meta gene to track. No record of past crime. No ecto-tech that's reliable. Not even signs of being a genius, since it seems his parents gave all the smarts to his elder sister.

In his human form, after years of practice, he can suppress every part of Phantom. He is a fully average, plain human when he dons his Fenton half.

But he's also someone tired of the crazy people hurting regular joes like him. He believes in second chances, not twenty chances. He's jarred, exhausted, slightly cynical, and has a permanent solution. Danny won't go out of his way to kill every supervillian, nor does he go out and play hero- he's got bills to pay and his mouth to feed. He has an employed adult - but if he happens to encounter something?

Don’t worry! He isn’t hurting anyone who doesn’t deserve it already… 😌 He’s a little messed up…

Tim: You need my help? Me?

Damian: Yes. Unfortunately, Richard decided that for me to complete the list of tasks he assigned me, I needed to partner with you. It will be painful, but I believe we can co-exist until the completion of this assignment.

Tim: Just don't do them

Damian: I will do them, and I will do them with perfection. You will collaborate with me, or there will be consequences

Tim: Oh, I'm so scared. What are you gonna do? Cut my line again?

Damian: Worse

Tim: *Scoff*

Damian: I will send Superboy all the poetry you wrote about his arms and buttocks

Tim's blood draining from his face: What?

Damian: Every last one. Even the Haiku.

Tim: Not the Haiku!!!

Damian: Yes. He will learn what you wish he would do to you in a 5-7-5 syllable format, you dirty little harlot.

Tim: No! NO! Okay, I'll help, just don't release my poems.

Damian: Excellent, I'm glad we see eye to eye. Now, our assignment is a list of tasks with varying time limits. I organize them into two categories: Most achievable and most pressing. The ones that overlap will be our top priority.

Tim: Okay. What's our first one?

Damian: Convince Daniel Fenton to marry Richard. We must make haste, for Fenton is currently engaged to the hero Phantom, but they are not yet wed.

Tim shock: We are NOT breaking up a marriage!

Damian: They are not married yet so marriage will not be broken. We are simply, enlightening, Fenton of a better option. To the Batmobile!

Tim: Wait we're doing this as ROBIN AND RED ROBIN!?

Damian: Make Haste!

Dick two floors above them chatting with Jason over a cup of tea: So I gave Damian some tasks to complete because the parenting books said he needed a chorse list to teach responsibility and create stimulation.

Jason: Damian doing chores? I find that hard to believe

Dick: He did reject doing "servant work," so I got creative. I made a bunch of fake tasks like "visit the local museum and write a security report". By the time he finishes, Damian will be well-rounded.

Jason: Brilliant. What else was on there?

Dick: Let me pull it up. I sent it through email-OH NO

Jason: What?

Dick: I SENT THE WRONG ONE. I SENT THE BUCKET LIST FROM WHEN I WAS FIFTEEN!

Jason: I'm sure Damian will realize that its the wrong list

Cass walking by: He didn't. He's on his way now to stop Daniel Fenton from getting married

Dick: I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT GUY SINCE HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION! WE HAVE TO STOP DAMIAN

Duke poking his head in: Are you sure? Cause he got Tim to help him. This is the first time I've seen them bond

Jason: How did that happen?

Dick:....number 5 on my list was to "Get along with my lame brother"

Jason touched: I made the bucket list?

Steph opening the window she lowkey used to break in: Ugh guys not to alarm anyone but Tim just texted me that he is going to stop a wedding to the Ghost King and he needed me to wipe his computer data. I think he's gone off the deep end again. Anyone want to help me hold him down for his needle and grippy socks?

Dick horrified: Danny is getting married to the GHOST KING?!

Bruce at the doorway carrying multiple pizza boxes: Hey kids I brought pizza who wants to-

Dick: OUT OF THE WAY OLD MAN. I HAVE TO SAVE HUMANITY

Not to worry, Danny can be the shortie, with dark curls, who is the most intimidating man in all of o Gotham, even more than all the rogues combined. Well, he's about 5' 7'' since he inherited Maddie's height, not Jack's, but compared to Ian, who is 6' 3'', he seems short.

Ian is disarming on purpose. He survived being the son of a struggling single mother from Crime Alley, not by being tough, but by using his innocent, pretty face to manipulate his way through life. Nothing too bad, but just enough that he can wrap the right people around his fingers to get a leg up in life. Maybe he smiles a little more cheerfully at the bodega lady when she offers to show him her new grandbaby photos, stays for hours upon hours to hear about the baby's milestones, and he walks out with an extra bag of meat and a forever promise that he pays less because he's "family now."

He stops to listen to a crying man's story of his girlfriend leaving him, and helps him home from the bar when Ian thinks he's had enough, then three days later, when the cop pulls him over for speeding, Ian is on his way without a ticket and an invitation to join the same man for drinks. He makes friends with the cop's friends, and when he walks in Gotham, he doesn't have to worry about the police like most residents of Crime Alley do. How would he? They're all drinking buddies. He waves and sometimes buys them a coffee.

He goes around selling candy bars to the local kids right outside the school, not breaking the rules on selling on school grounds by staying just 5 feet outside the bounds, and using the money to buy all the teachers a gift for Teacher's Appreciation Day. He breezes through school because all the teachers know he's a sweet boy, and sometimes sweet boys need extra time with late assignments.

Ian is kind, don't get me wrong, but his kindness is calculated. It's how he survived Gotham, and some may call him manipulating, but he doesn't think it applies to him. Because he never sets out to manipulate anyone or tries to convince them of anything, he simply sees the opportunity they can give him when they meet and makes sure to take it.

Kindness always finds a way to repay those who spread it, and people tend to be kinder to those they consider attractive, so Ian makes sure to use those tools for his own good.

Danny knows this. Noticed it the first day they spoke and respect him for it. Ian is a kind man with a good heart. Still, he won't allow anyone to hurt him, so he's aware of his social surroundings and carefully guides interactions like a conductor guiding separate instruments. Danny thinks it's an impressive ability since he just straight-up hates everyone. and can't stand the idea of putting that much work into getting everything in his favor.

But you know I like the idea of the round glasses. I can see him wearing contacts and doing everything in his power to hide the fact. Then one day his last pair rips- He has to switch them out monthly-, and since he's blind as a bat, he takes his glasses.

He's super embarrassed about how thick his lenses are, even with the thin metal frames masking them a little. He was made fun of in school, and those taunts about his glasses stuck with him into his adulthood. That is, until Danny sees him, pauses, considers his face, and then casually says, "You should wear those more often. You look like Adonis got an office job with them."

Ian is walking on cloud nine for hours, especially since he now notices people are still sending him appreciative looks, if not more, with his glasses. They do make him more attractive, because now his face isn't round with baby fat, and he's grown into a man.

He chooses to wear them only around Danny, in late afternoons when the two have coffee breaks in Danny's office, and the only source of light is Danny's various candles placed around the room, so he can "rest his eyes after staring at screens all day". Mostly because whenever he swaps his contacts for glasses, Danny stares a little as if mesmerized, then his boss's face softens behind his coffee mug.

Jason: They make you say that?

Danny tired: Yes, they make me say that. What do you want to order?

Jason: I don't know. What has the least soul?

Danny: ....You're one of those guys mad that we built over the old chili hot dog vendor's spot, aren't you?

Jason: IT WAS THE BEST FOOD IN GOTHAM AND YOUR COMPANY RAN HIM OUT.I'VE BEEN EATING THESE DOGS SINCE I WAS SIX

Danny: Sir. I don't own this place. I'm just a minimum wage worker. I did not make the corporate decision to screw over a fellow lower-middle-class man.

Jason: Right. Right. Sorry. I....I love those hot dogs. And now he's gone. Run out by a big company that sells the same thing with no taste.

Danny: He's not gone. He just two street away. I bought my lunch from him.

Jason: what?

Danny: Yeah, I liked his food too. So I helped him get a permanent spot with the city. Here is his card.

Jason: I love you

Danny: Yeah a lot of his clients tell me the same.

Jason leaning over the counter to stare into Danny soul: No. I love you.

Danny inches from Jason's face: Ugh. Okay?

Jason: If you need anything. You tell me. And if anyone bothers you, I will kill them for you. I will send Red Hood after them. You just say the word.

Danny: I...I rather not.

Jason: Okay. I'm leaving my phone number for you just in case.

Danny: Yup.

The poor minimum wage fella: ... Am I hallucinating?

Bruce: I would be very mad

Tim: Yeah, but how much is that? Say, from a scale of 1 to 10?

Bruce: Depends on what the rule was.

Tim: Right. Thats fair information to ask for. Okay, so I broke the rules-

Bruce: Was that a s at the end of the rule? As in plural?

Tim: *sigh* I cloned myself, and the other parent knows I'm Red Robin.

Bruce: ....what

Tim: But! But you're a grandpa! Meet Thomas Drake-Wayne, Tommy for short. I was named after his great-grandfather. *Holds up baby*

Tommy: *Toothless smile of a three-month-old*

Bruce crying: He's beautiful! Hello Tommy. Hello darling. I'm your grandpa!

Tim: So from 1 to 10 you're at a-?

Bruce: Who's the other parent? *cradling the baby*

Tim:....Phantom

Bruce: I'm at a 20.

Tim: But-! You're holding the baby! How can you be mad while holding the cutest baby in the world!

Bruce: This is the cutest baby in the world, and he's in the clear, but you? You broke two of the most important rules in this household, and with Phantom of all people?

Tim: He's a nice guy!

Bruce: He's a delinquent!

Tim: So are we! We break the law every night!

Bruce: I would disown you if it didn't mean losing Tommy. Your branch hasn't been sawn off from the family tree because of this little guy. Remember that.

Tim: I named him after your father.

Bruce: In a pathetic attempt to distract me from you cloning yourself with that delinquent. I bet you told him who you were when you two were kissing on the gargoyle over by Old Gotham. I'm even more horrified to say you might have gone further than that.

Tim: ....how did you guess that?

Bruce: I have a camera there. I had to throw the monitor and processor into the bath when I saw you two.

Tim: What?!

Bruce: *points* Whore. Now if you excuse me, I have to go buy a entire baby store for this little guy. Yes. I do yes I do!

Tommy: *Baby babbles*

Bruce: Yes.

Danny floating through the front door: You didn't give me the signal. What happened?

Tim: The sucking up didn't work.

Unearthed, Reborn by QueenOfTheQuill

Quill writes the best dialogue. The words just flow so organically, and they have such a nice balance of humor and sincerity. Cannot stress enough how funny their character interactions are. I'm also a sucker for Everlasting Trio, and they write it so well.

We're Longing for Daylight by AKelaNakamura

Akela has such a masterful grasp on writing emotion and tone. I love how she describes emotion so much, and weaves it into lore with ectoplasm and ghosts. She has several other DPxDC and DP fics to enjoy, all of it slaps.

Shovel Talk by SummersSixEcho

This is a dead tired (Danny/Tim) fic and I love how Summers crafted their relationship for it. The fic is so funny, with lots of fun puns. It's just two boyfriends being goofy and going through awkward situations and I love it dearly. I love all of Summers' DPxDC works, and she has great DP only ones too!

Recognized by AgentIanLegend

This is one of the first completed fics I read for the crossover, and it still lives in my head rent free. It's complete, very well written, and the story is interesting throughout with a bunch of twists and turns.

Premeditation by Chromatographic

Super interesting fic with neat lore throughout. I love the dynamic between Danny and his friends and Jazz in it, with the roles they've carved out. The general plotting nature of the story is very neat.

Noise and Light by TheWritingOwl

I'm so soft for this fic, it's SO sweet. Deaged fics have a special place in my heart, and I love the emotions throughout this fic. It's ripe with family feels and Owl describes it all beautifully.

Family Friction by Halfagone

Halfa has SUCH a prolific library of DPxDC fics and all of it is quality. I need to read more of them. Tis oneshot in particular has a special place in my heart. The premise is just so fun and goofy and I love how it's executed.

Build-A-Boyfriend by NightShiftShenanigans

I spent my entire time reading this fic with a goofy smile because it is just insanely fun and cute, with great dialogue throughout. I love it.

A Halloween in Amity by spite_sapphic_starlight

I love this poly ship, I love the scenario, I love the dynamics and the dialogue and-- it's just a good time. Just the occult shop alone is enough reason to love this.

Knight of the Boyking by Milaley

I love the angst in this one and the general setup from the beginning. The start of it has such a hook and it's just great throughout from there.

The Curious Case of D. Grayson by brothebro

I LOVE the Everlasting Trio dynamic in this fic and the shenanigans throughout. God, there's so many shenanigans and they're all great. Just a thousand misunderstandings and the domino effect of each lol. I love it.

Afterimage by TorScrawls

The descriptions in this one are just plain wicked. It still really stands out to me, as just being such a neat way to describe how mortals perceive Danny and his powers.

Close Enough to be Whole Again by hailsatanacab

Literally the twin fic that inspired me to write my own. The fic has insanely good descriptions and carries emotion so well. I love Hail's writing style a lot.

Vacation Crashers by Imp_y

I love everything about this one from the premise to how the story unfolds to the conclusion. This was another one of the first finished long DPxDC fics I read and I still love it dearly.

Voices That They Left by catmiint

This one has such an intriguing build up, with a lot of concerning things boiling beneath the surface. I'm not caught up on it atm, but I need to fix that soon because the story is really neat.

Liminal Familiarity by isitcowboytimes

This fic goes heavy on the angst and is wonderful written. There's this like really melancholic, liminal feel throughout the fic and it really sticks out to me.

To Join the Whispers by ayamari_no_goshi

Another one of the first completed long fics I read for the crossover (I think the actual first, based on bookmark date). I feel like this fic was the first one for a lot of people, and I definitely think it set the bar for Jason and ectoplasm shenanigans.

Ghosts Don't Go to Highschool by Evandarya

This is the first DPxDC fic in my bookmark history and I love it. I love the premise, the underlying story, the building relationship between Danny and Tim. I've had the pleasure of betaing for the most recent chapters and it's been a blast also!

Have You Heard of Danny Wayne? by FortunateCookie

This one has fantastic dialogue and I love the building shenanigans in it. All around a fun read, especially the chatfic portion.

Memories Lost in Time by MidnightsFury

The building lore and story in this one is so neat, I can't wait to see where it goes. The fact that it's a twin fic too has me vibrating with excitement, just waiting for the shenanigans to really settle in. I don't care how long it takes these nerds to find each other, I'm here for the shenanigans.

I just found out that Tumblr only allows 100 links per post, so my second DC x DP master post is HERE, where I will have my WIPs

Prompts:

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11]

One Shots:

A Totally Normal Wayne Dinner

Father's Gifts

Wight Hood

The Clown is Catching Ghost's Hands Part 1 & 2

World Star Halfa Edition

Rogues of Gotham Fucking Around and Finding Out

Alternate Ways to Live and Die Part 1 & 2

D(e)adbeat

Warnings were Ignored; Clown is Now Dead

Blood Sons

Adopted?!

Homeless Angels are More Annoying Than they Should Be

It's a Boy!

Love Thy Good Neighbor

Not All Heroes Wear Capes, Sometimes They Wear Ties and Pantsuits

Memories are a Fickle Thing

Sister Cities

Older Brother Privileges

The Lost Boy

Dammit Clockwork! A Little Warning Next Time?

Biblically Accurate Boyfriend

Heart Stopper

But I'm a Neurosurgeon

Call the (Phantom) Midwife

Pocket Thief

How May I Take Your Order?

Show Me Jason Todd

Wayne's Surprises

Wrong Number Verse: Complete

Wrong Number

Operators Are Standing By

The Wireless Customer You Are Calling is Not Available, Please Try Again Later

Zombie Son: Complete [1] [2]

Danny: Well it started off as a joke but now....now I'm in too deep

Jack: How many pins do you have?

Danny: Um about 800? I have 50 Batman theme ones, 50 Red Robin, 50 Nightwing, 50 Robin, 50 Red Hood, 50 Spoiler, 50 Batgirl and 50 Signal. Not to mention the other 400 of Phantom.

Maddie: What was the joke? Bankruptcy?

Danny: Orginally it was a joke with Sam and Tucker that I was going to design and order Phantom theme pins-

Jack: Phantom as in the ghost boy? Why!?

Danny: He's hot and I may be a Fenton but I'm also a son of the Walker bloodline. We do anything for the men we find hot.

Maddie suddenly proud of her maiden name: Good argument. Go on.

Danny: So I doddled the designs, sent them to a company for a qoute to show Tucker and Sam. I accidentally included the Bats doddles on the same page. Which they thought was part of the order. I sort of forgot about it after having a laugh only the other day I realized my order went through and I couldn't canceled it and now.....now I have 800 pins.

Jazz: What are you going to do with them all?

Danny: Hand them out at school? I dont know! It was supposed to be a joke!

Jazz: My college is having a art fair in two weeks. I can ask if you can sell them there if you want?

Danny: You think people would buy them?

Jack going through the boxes: I think so. I dont even like the ghost boy but Danny these are so well design. I may stick them on my lab lanyard. Oh this one has glitter!

Jazz: And what better place to sell Batman theme stuff then Gotham U?

Danny: well okay. If anything I may get rid of the Bats stuff.

Two weeks later:

Tim: Is that Danny Phantom?!

Danny: Um yeah. Im suprise you recognize a hero from the middle of no-

Tim slamming wad of cash on table: I'll take the entire inventory.

Danny: Well the rest are just copies of the same five pins-

Tim breathing heavily with dilated eyes: I dOn'T CaRe. I WaNt D A N N Y P H A N T O M.

Batman, dropping down from the ceiling: Red Hood

Goons, trembling in fear but standing up to fight: Shit… what’s the Bat doing here

Red Hood, aggressively: What are you doing here, old man?

Batman, pulling out a lunch box: You forgot your lunch in the cave *walks over and hands it to him before peppering his cheeks with kisses*

Red Hood: Oh my gosh, Pa! Stop! You’re trying to embarrass me on purpose! *pushing Batman away and blushing under his mask*

Batman, taking out his grappling hook: No idea what you mean. Stay safe. Bye *leaves*

Goons, stunned: Whoa… boss, you are so red

Red Hood: Shut up! No I’m not! *shoves helmet on to cover his blush*

——

Tim, squished in a chair with Bruce: … so tight… so uncomfortable…

Bruce, typing away on his computer: That’s your fault. It was a perfectly fine chair with only me in it, then you suddenly came

Tim, squirming: Yes, but…

Bruce: Want me to move? You’ll have the chair to yourself

Tim, practically in Bruce’s lap: No

——

Bruce, watching TikToks in his room: Hmm *watching a video about Velcro babies*

Bruce, looking up: Hrn…

Jason and Duke are playing Sorry!. Dick is allowing Cass to adorn his hair with accessories. Steph is painting her nails. Damian is snuggled into his side, drawing. Tim is asleep across his lap. All of this was done on his bed

——

During an interview

Bruce: -So I believe that it would be best for us to leave that land alone for the native wildlife.

Bruce: Taking and destroying such precious land for a profit is disgusting, and I think Lexcorp should really start to think of the environment more

Bruce: Anything to add, baby?

Damian, half asleep on Bruce’s hip: … fuck Lex Luther

Bruce: …

Bruce: Well… you heard him

——

Tim, high on morphine from a procedure: Dad…?

Bruce, carding his finger through Tim’s hair: Yes, baby?

Tim, starting to cry: Daddy… I have something t-to tell you!

Bruce, panicking: Tim? Sweetheart, what’s wrong?? Do you feel pain? Are you-

Tim: I-I like girls a-and guys!

Bruce: What?? Oh… oh sweetheart. I already knew that

Tim: Do you… Do you still love me??

Bruce: More than all the stars in the sky. Why don't we try to get some sleep, hmm?

——

Reporter, running up to Batman: Mister Batman! Mister Batman

Batman: … *debating on escaping*

Reporter, holding up a picture of Signal: The world wants to know... is Signal yours?

Batman: …

Batman: What’s that in his chest?

Reporter: The symbol? … I guess it looks like a bat

Batman: Okay. Now stop asking me stupid questions. Use your brain.

Batman: I own the bat. Why else would anyone wear it? *disappears*

——

Steph: Hey, B man

Steph: I want a piggyback ride

Bruce: To where?

Steph, tense: Nowhere. Yes or no, man

Bruce: ? *wants to ask if she’s ok, but she’s got a vibe about her*

Bruce, in a joking tone: What’s in it for me, toots?

Steph, relaxing at not being interrogated: Undivided physical contact with me, your lifelong dream

Bruce: Deal

——

Alfred, strained: I love you very much

Bruce, searching his face: …

Bruce, genuinely confused: When did you get so bad at lying?

——

Duke, delirious from food poisoning: I… I can see a light

Damian: Shush, Thomas, you’re staring straight at the lamp

Duke: G-Grandma Wayne? Is that you?

Bruce: You’ve never met your Grandma. Stay with me, Duke!

——

Cass, sending Bruce a fit check video: -and then the boots you bought me last time

Bruce, texting back: Is that my jacket?

Cass: Nope

Bruce: I’ve been looking for that. You know I’ve been looking for that

Cass: No clue what you’re talking about dad

Bruce: Princess…

——

Bruce: I’m in Stephanie’s Hulu

Dick: We both know you have enough money to buy the company itself

Dick: Why are you on Steph’s Hulu

Bruce: I dunno, but I am

Bruce: She made an account for me, and she changes my profile picture every day

——

Duke: We’re supposed to talk about our emotions

Damian: Like what a healthy family is supposed to do?

Duke: Yes!

Bruce: Yes, we’re all in this together

Bruce: Like a hostage situation

——

Texting

Tim: Daddy-o, where are you

Bruce: I’m currently at the mall

Tim: You hate the mall?

Tim: Whore you with

Bruce: Please use an apostrophe

Bruce, sending a zoomed-in forehead pic of Stephanie grinning: Guess

Tim: You ever think it’s weird how my ex-girlfriend has integrated into our family?

Bruce: No

——

Alfred, sorting through a mountain of bouquets: …

Bruce, popping his head in: What are you doing? Why are there so many flowers?

Alfred: They’re all for you, Master Bruce

Alfred: I suppose someone is trying to woo you

Bruce: Oh…

Bruce: So what are you doing?

Alfred: Putting them away

Alfred: One pile for the wilted and dead. Another for my compost bin, and a third to donate to the women’s shelter

Bruce: …I don’t get flowers?

Alfred: No one is good enough for you, my boy

Alfred: I’ll buy you flowers later

Bruce: Okey. Yay <3

——

Bruce, on the couch, cuddling with Damian for the past two hours and watching Gray Ghost: *looks up when Tim enters the room* Hi, love

Tim: Can I-

Damian: No!

Damian: You had Baba all to yourself yesterday while I was at school

Damian: He’s mine today

Tim: Jealous bitch-

Bruce: Tim!

——

Cass: You okay?

Bruce, visibly on the verge of tears: Yeah *emotionless*

Cass: You are a lying liar who lies a lot

——

Bruce, rubbing his temples: Urg…

Jason: Whoa, what’s up with you?

Bruce: I’ve got this insistent headache that won’t go away… It’s killing me

Jason: Shit… did you get poisoned?

Jason: What was the last thing you ate?

Bruce, thinking: …

Bruce, thinking harder: …

Jason: …

Jason: When was the last time you ate something?

Bruce, thinking: …

Bruce, thinking harder: …

Jason: Dad! *dragging him to the kitchen*

——

Steph: *trips and falls on her face* Ack!

Bruce, desperately trying not to laugh: Oh, gumdrop *helping her up*

Steph: You sound incredibly condescending *allows Bruce to brush her off and hug her*

Bruce, hiding his face in Steph’s hair so he doesn’t laugh: No, of course not

——

Dick: Strongest immune system? You don’t count

Bruce: Hmm

Bruce: Could be Duke. He keeps eating shit off the ground, and we’re in Gotham

Duke: Hey!

Dick: True, it’s probably radioactive

Duke: I’m literally fine! You guys are mean!

——

Bruce: Hi, I’m Bruce, and when I was eight years old, my parents and I were coming back from the movie that I begged to go to on my birthday, when they were shot and brutally killed in front of me in a botched mugging

Bruce: I then had to stay with their dead and cooling bodies for hours in an alley way, covered in their blood, holding their hands, with people walking past and seeing me but not calling anyone, until the police finally arrived in the morning where they continued to ignore me for hours and kept me sitting in a pool of my parents blood, and when they actually started talking to me the first thing they did was ask if I was the one who killed them

Bruce: And people till this day question why my parents decided to go down Crime Alley, but it literally wasn’t called that back then. It was just Park Row. The crime was the murder of my parents. That’s why it’s now called Crime Alley, literally because of the crime of my parents’ murder. Their deaths fundamentally changed all of Gotham

Bruce: And I brought jumbo sour gummy worms

Duke: … Damn, coming out with the big guns right away

Cass: I told you this wasn’t the right ‘mood game’ to play in this family, especially

Dick: Now, if I follow up with my parents dying in front of me, it sounds like I’m copying you

Dick: Also, you being there made it significantly better for me

Jason: That’s why you gotta have more than one dipshit

Dick: I do have more than one! That’s just the first one

Steph: Wait, that’s seriously why it’s called Crime Alley?

Steph: Damn…

Bruce: I tried going for the least traumatizing thing that’s happened to me… I guess

Tim: I’m just glad you didn’t start the cult story; that one scared me

Bruce: … which cult?

Tim: ?

Tim: The super scary one that you were telling me about

Bruce: …

Bruce: That actually doesn’t narrow it down for me

Damian: Baba, the fact that there are so many that you don’t know is truly worrying

Cass: I’ve killed some clut members…

Steph: Inspiring Cass, truly

Cass, shrugging: Felt like I needed to say something

Cass: Can I have that as my thing?

Steph: No

Jason: We’ve all killed a few cult members before, you’re not special

Damian, nodding along: Yes, it’s quite easy

Duke: The fact that you’re not saying anything against that statement is concerning, Bruce

Bruce: Technically… I only indirectly caused their deaths… mostly

Dick, sneaking a hand into the bowl: I’m learning so much about you

Bruce, smacking his hand away: Don’t eat the gummy worms before anyone else has gone!

——

Bruce: I promise to rest for at least a week

Bruce: No, I swear it. On my life

Alfred: Master Bruce, you are suicidal in the highest degree

Alfred: Swear on anything else

——

Bruce, giving Dick something he hasn’t had since childhood: Here

Dick, ecstatic: Whoa! How’d you remember I liked this?

Bruce: Photographic memory. Total recall, chickadee, remember?

Dick: No, but you obviously did *kneels over laughing and slapping his knee*

——

Jason: I’m gonna torture you

Bruce: I told you, I didn’t even eat the last brownie

Bruce: I'm on a calorie deficit for a photoshoot

Jason: I’m gonna gather every single person you know

Jason: And we’re gonna form a human circle around you

Bruce: Where is this going?

Jason: Then we’ll just shout compliments at you! And they’ll be meaningful and deep, not surface-level!

Bruce, horrified: Don’t you fucking dare

——

Bruce: Damn, Alfred is inquiring about upping my anti psychotics

Dick: Ha, loser

Bruce: Bitch I’ll make him up yours too, don’t test me

Jason: Since when do you two need psych meds?

Bruce, looking over at Dick: Uh

Dick, sweating: Umm, you know, it doesn’t really matter

——

Duke: You ever notice how a swarm of bats always follows you?

Bruce: Hm?

Duke: Like, when you're bat-manning. Bats come out of the woodwork

Duke: It really adds to your whole aura

Bruce: I… I don’t think that’s a thing

Duke: It is

——

Jason, angry: Why do you keep walking away from me when I’m talking to you?!

Bruce, refusing to look at him: You talk with your hands

Jason: …

Jason: Fucking so?!

Bruce: So.

Bruce: You’re carrying your gun. You keep waving it in my face

Bruce: I can handle a lot of things from you, but not that

Bruce: Never that

——

Bruce, sick: Oh, it’s a cold, cruel world out here

Steph: I can ask Alfie to make you hot chocolate

Bruce: No, he makes it with water instead of milk

Bruce: It’s nasty

——

Alfred, trying out a new bread recipe: What do you think, Master Bruce?

Alfred: It is made from whole wheat flour and a small amount of cornmeal. It also contains oats, chia seeds, flax seeds, and hemp seeds. I also took the liberty of adding walnuts, almonds, and pistachios.

Bruce, chewing on the grainy and crumbly piece of bread, close to tears: I feel like a bird…

Bruce: Is this punishment? Did I do something wrong?

Alfred, offended: It’s healthy

Bruce, already crying: What did I do??? I don’t like this! *crumbs flying everywhere*

——

Batman: Between hurtling into traffic at 180 mph and changing this song

Batman: I will change this song

Dick: Dad! Both hands on the wheel!

——

Bruce: I so sleepy

Alfred: Go upstairs and take a nap

Bruce: Noooo. I won’t be sleepy if I have to move

Alfred: You can’t nap here, you’ll get a crick in your neck

Bruce: Everyone has to make sacrifices

——

Bruce, pale: Urgh…

Jason: Damn, Pa, what’s up? You lookin' fucking horrible

Bruce: I’m supposed to hang out with Cass and Damian today…

Dick: And…? What’s that gotta do with you looking sick

Tim: Oh, I get it. It’s an anxiety thing

Jason: Huh

Bruce: It’s just… leading up to an outing is always the worst. The impending sense of doom is very strong

Bruce: I know I’m gonna have fun when I get there, and I’ll enjoy myself. But I wanna cancel, I feel like throwing up, and I’m so fucking nervous

Jason: Yo… these are your children you’re hanging out with

Bruce: I know, you’d think my body would get the memo and chill out, but no

Tim: Yeah, I get it all the time

——

Texting

Bruce: Oh my gosh, why is nobody answering their fucking phones

Bruce: I’ve called you all a million fucking times

Bruce: What do I pay your stupid ass phone plans for

Bruce: Someone, come pick me up

Bruce: NOW

Bruce: I just got hit by a car pedestrian style

Bruce: I’m so fucking embarrassed

Several people typing at once

——

Tim: You ever think it’s weird how we can’t see Dad’s face when he’s wearing the cowl?

Dick: Hm?

Jason: Oh, the shadow thing?

Tim: Yeah!

Steph: It freaked me out the first time it happened

Steph: Like, no matter where I moved or what I did, I couldn’t see his face

Damian: Yes, I was… shaken the first time, when I could only see his white eyes peering at me from the shadows

Damian: His silence and stealth are unimaginable

Dick: Oh yeah… I guess we’ve all gotten used to it, huh?

Tim: I don’t think he even knows he’s doing it most of the time

Jason: Pa makes himself scary, but he’s oblivious to the fact that he' didn’t do that to make him scary 's scary without trying sometimes

Steph: You think it’s enchanted?

Dick: Like the cape?

Tim: Oh my gosh, the fucking cape!

Tim: I tried to figure out the logistics of that thing and almost gave myself an aneurysm

Jason: I went nuts the first time he became a blob in front of me

Steph: Love when he does that

Steph: Is it weird to call a grown man cute?

Damian: It makes me wonder where Father sourced his items

Dick: Dad makes them with regular fabric, believe it or not. He’s been making them since before I came around

Jason: Then what the fuck??

Steph: This is giving me a headache

Tim: Think he’d tell us if we asked?

Damian: Baba? No

Dick: True

——

Bruce, walking into the theater room: What’s everyone-

Dick: Shhh!

Steph: Yeah, man, the movie’s about to start

Cass: Been waiting on this release for two years

Duke: My hands are shaking. Literally, I’m dying

Jason: I’m only here because they forced me-

Tim: Shut up! You’ve been waiting for this since forever, just like the rest of us

Damian: Quiet, heathens! It’s starting!

Watching the movie silently in awe, then Bruce comes on screen

Cass: … what

Tim: Dad, you need to start suing someone cause they took your likeness

Bruce, raising an eyebrow: Thanks, but no. That’s me, sweetheart

Bruce: I am famous, remember?

Dick: When did this happen?!

Bruce: A while ago? Dickie you were there

Dick: …

Dick: I have actually nothing to say in defense of myself. I thought it was just a regular shoot and fell asleep

Jason: You’re such a fucking idiot

Steph: What the fuck, man?!

Damian: Baba, you should have told us you were going to star in such an important movie for this generation

Bruce: It’s literally on my calendar

Bruce: You’d know that if any of you bothered to look at it

Duke: Do you have other movies and shows lined up?

Bruce: *shrugs* Check the calendar

——

Tim, angrily: I can take care of it myself. I don’t need your help

Bruce, rolling his eyes and so over it: Sure thing, burger boy, I’ll leave it in your capable, greasy little hands

Tim, offended: What?! Burger boy?! Greasy little hands?! *shrill and high-pitched voice*

Bruce: Hey, you’re the one who named yourself after a fast food restaurant

——

Damian, trying to sneak out through the front door: …

Bruce, walking by: Ah ah *snaps fingers and points upstairs* Go

Damian: Ugh! *planning to sneak out the window*

Bruce: Don’t even fuckin think about it.

Damian: How did you-

Bruce: Oh, please. Do you see how many siblings you have? I’ve seen it all

Alfred: And done it all too

——

Steph, walking into the library: Whoa, what the fuck is happening?

Cass, actually on the verge of tears: Dad is ignoring me

Bruce, reading peacefully on a nearby couch: …

Steph: No way, B-man would never purposely ignore us when we’re not being shits. Especially not you

Bruce, turning his head and looking surprised: Oh, hello, girls

Bruce, taking out his ear plugs cause he was overstimulated earlier: Honey, Cassandra, hello. When did the two of you get here?

Bruce, looking at Cass, concerned: Are you alright, princess?

Cass, completely embarrassed: Peachy. Let’s go *tugging Stephanie out*

Steph, elated and laughing: Super assassin who notices everything did notice that-!

Bruce, confused: Hrn? Oh well. *puts earplugs back in*

——

Dick: Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving the country for two weeks?

Bruce, holding his luggage: Well, hello to you too, Richard. Yes, my plane ride was fine, I’m good, how’re you?

Dick: Cut the shit. You can’t just go missing like that

Dick: What if Gotham needed you or something?

Bruce: I wasn’t missing

Bruce: I told the people who needed to know

Dick: I-

Bruce: Besides, you haven’t talked to me in a week. Why would I tell you?

Bruce: Did you realize you needed me for something? Is that the only reason why you reached out and noticed I was gone?

Dick: That’s not-

Bruce: Dick. I just got home. Before we start another screaming match, can I see my other children first?

Bruce: I’d like to see Damian and Tim while I’m still in a good mood

Dick: … mhm

——

Tim: Hey, Dad-

Bruce: Not now, child number three

Tim, looking confused: Child number- *muttering to himself*

Bruce: Duke, Damian, and Cassandra are causing a ruckus

Bruce: If I don’t intervene now… people will die

Tim: The fuck are they doing?

——

Bruce: Alfie, I got a paper cut *holds up finger*

Bruce: See? It’s bleeding

Alfred, very serious: Oh my, that’s quite serious

Alfred: Shall I bring out the big guns? Dinosaur Band-Aids?

Bruce, also very serious: Yes, dinosaurs are very necessary

——

Batman, jumping from roof to roof during patrol: …

Marco, a seven-year-old boy who lives nearby: Mister Batman, Sir! Hello!

Batman: Hrn *jumps down* Marco

Marco: Oh, yay! You remember me! That’s good

Batman: Are you safe?

Marco: Yup! I just wanted to give you this! *holds up drawing* Mama said you’d really like it, so I did my best

Batman, gently taking the paper and exchanging it for a lollipop: I do. Thank you

Marco: Ooo, candy! Thank you, Mister Batman! Have a good day- I mean, night fighting crime! *runs away waving*

Kon: Come on, Tim, do your pal a solid.

Tim: You want me to....talk you up to Danny?

Kon: Yeah!

Tim: My eldest brother? That Danny?

Kon: Yeah~!

Tim: Why!?

Kon: Come on Tim! Daniel Fenton-Wayne is like the guy. He's everyone's wet dream on legs!

Tim putting on kryptonite knuckles braces: How dare you utter Danny's name in that way.

Kon: My bad! My Bad! I was just repeating what the magazines said, I meant no disrespect!

Tim putting braces back in the box: You're on thin ice and only because you're not used to the world yet. I won't forgive a second time.

Kon: Of course. Thank you for your mercy.

Tim: I'm also not talking you up to Danny.

Kon: What!? Why!?

Tim: For one, Danny is way older then you-

Kon: It's not my fault I was only cloned two years ago!

Tim: And two, I swore a blood oath with my siblings to never allow any of our friends to date Danny. None of you deserve him.

Kon: Come on man!

Tim: No. Now stop asking.

Kon grumbling: I bet the others talk thier friends up...

Tim: They do not. Part of the oath was that the others were allowed to bite and/or stab the friend in case one of us grew weak and gave in. And Damian got kryptonite-coated, sharp teeth made just so he could bite Supers. He's been waiting for the day.

Kon: What!?

Tim: Yeah, he made it after Danny kept saying Clark was trying to marry Bruce.

Kon: ....You know what, maybe Fenton-Wayne is too old for me.

Tim: Good call.

Clark from down the hall: HELP. SOMEONE HELP. HE LOCKED HIS JAW!!!