This is the greatest show

          —- That just sounds horrible. I am sorry, babes. Did you at least get to enjoy your pancakes after your mishap?

THe pancakes that I ended up buying and getting delivered, yup! Those were good. 

Did you really end up burning yourself? Good plan. At least there’s a one hundred percent chance of not burning yourself at Denny’s.

I think so, it hurt like a son of a bitch! I put a Cars bandaid on my nipple and I’ve been too scared to check it out. 

Can I ask why your nipple was so close to the skillet in the first place?

I spilled the batter and as I was cleaning I leaned over a little too far and it burnt my nipple. Not an interesting story. I wish it was better like I was getting ready to save the world. 

I knew it. I just could see right through you, man. No worries, your secret is safe with me. You enjoying Greece?

I am enjoying the sights, both land and not, if you know what I mean. How are you enjoying it?

I mean, I’d say that’s pretty impressive in itself. How’d the pancakes turn out? You didn’t burn them, did you?

Sadly, they didn’t even cook all the way through. It looked cooked, but it was one of those incidents where the outside was cooked and the inside was raw. Don’t let me cook. 

Dude, you’re cooking pancakes when we are in Greece? I respect it because pancakes but don’t limit yourself to what you can make back at home. Glad you’re protecting the nips though. 

I need some heavier coverage though. I mean, nothing covering it, it’s pretty risky. 

Another reason why I’m not letting you enter my kitchen: questionable hygiene standards. Do you always cook shirtless or is it more of a holiday mode thing?

Come on, you would so let me in your kitchen shirtless. But, no, it’s mostly when I’m too hungry to even put a shirt on. 

Well, that certainly makes one of us.

I’m most certainly one in a million. 

Okay like… not even your nipple on some oil jumping off the skillet? How the fuck does your nipple get NEAR the skillet?

I may have spilled a little and made a mess then tried to clean it while cooking and.. yeah, it just was a bad time. 

“I have so many questions but first and for most have you actually burned your nipple on the skillet?”

As much as it pains me to admit it, yes, I did burn it. There will most definitely be a scab. 

I’m gonna you to elaborate on the whole burning your nipple thing. Were you not wearing a shirt or something?

Nope, I literally got out of bed and decided to make pancakes then spilled the batter and as I was cleaning I did that hole big fiasco with the burning of the nipple. 

Good to know.. I’m not too mad at the mental image there, though.

If there was a hidden camera in my kitchen, that person got a good chuckle out of it, I know I would’ve. 

Are you trying to confess that you burn your nipple on the skillet every single time you cook pancakes with the exception of this last time? It’s okay man, you can confess. No one’s gonna judge you.

Oh man, you’re so right. I mean, it’s a secret kink of mine. Ya gotta keep it a secret though. 

How… Why… How does one burn a nipple on a skillet? What were you doing, Zac Efron? I need answers. Are you okay?

The pain was and is still excruciating, but I’ll live. I spilled all my batter for the pancakes and when I cleaned it up I misjudged my distance and boom! a burn! 

Did you learn that you’re not as skilled as Gordon Ramsey and burn your nipple on the skillet? Or are still waiting for that to happen? I want to bear witness. 

I was going to give up my career in acting and be Gordon’s right hand man, but then this ruined it all for me. I mean, the middle wasn’t even cooked fully. 

           —- Burn your nipple? Babe, why are your nipples even that close to the pan? That is awkward… 

I was that close because I spilled all the batter, I misjudged my distance. It was a horrific mess. 

There is a far distance between Gordon and nipple burn with a lot of variable good and bad between, but I mean gold star for you least making them?

To be honest dude, I ended up throwing them out and buying from Denny’s. It wasn’t good at all.