Mint Flavored Toad

basketball players fight over the basketball because they are hypnotized before each game to believe it is their egg

save me, rice mixed with some bullshit

the worst person you know thinks they're super empathetic. the kindest person you know thinks they're fucked up and evil

being a kid and hearing adults say stuff like "woah 2011 was 4 years ago haha" didn't really convey the fucking horror of a youtube video crossing my recommended labelled "9 years ago" and it's from 2017. that's not true. 9 years ago is 2010 or something. don't lie.

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

medieval backstreet boys: you are… my friar

the one... dear squire

i wish there was a way to say "you're right, but this is really ineffective and even counterproductive messaging to anyone who doesn't already agree with you" without sounding like an asshole

the classic roll onto side and sleep for two more hours trick - ill try it now!

i wake up and ten thousand years have passed. i dreamt of watching a light rain fall onto a stormy sea. theres nothing left of anything.

we all have the homie that's a cautionary tale

had