Everything Hurtz

⚡️I DID IT. I PASSED ALL MY MINS. ⚡️

Here I am sobbing slightly hysterically in the middle of some of my team after smashing my 27/5 with 5 seconds to spare.

I also passed my written test with flying colours.

I have honestly never been more proud of myself. I’ve worked so hard for this, and it has paid off. Now comes the real hard work of learning all the skills to make it onto the b team roster!

At training last night I managed to get 27/30 laps in our 5 minute challenge (our training track is slightly shorter than a normal roller derby track, so we do 30/5 rather than 27/5).

This has been the closest I have been to getting my final skill ticked off, and it feels so amazing. We’re been working hard on developing my crossovers and my stamina, and it’s really starting to pay off.

I really hope I can pass before the summer, there’s a lot of cool things on the horizon that I really want to be part of, such as the Eastbourne Extreme skate weekend, and potentially some rookie games too. 

In other news, I will be making my refereeing debut in Spain this month! I am terrified but really excited, as it means I actually get to skate and learn more about the game which will ultimately help me when it comes to gameplay in the future. 

Development player status is the best- I am getting to hit people (and get hit!) and it’s literally the most fun ever.

Things to take from this video:

I need to get lower, in order to get more power behind my hits.

I need to not put all my weight into pushing, because as soon as the blocker moves I am going to stack it!

My balance is pretty sturdy now.

Need to work more on my footwork. My laterals are still pretty weak.

I apologise for being absent for so long, but guys; it’s march, it’s spring, and that means I have been skating now for SIX MONTHS.

And, exciting news: 

I HAVE 3 THINGS LEFT TO PASS FROM MINS!

All I have left are:

Crossovers- which I am close to, I can get the odd one perfectly but need to start using multiple ones for speed.

27 laps in 5 minutes- averaging about 20ish still without crossovers.

Laterals- boo I hate them and they hate me, but they’re so important so I have to keep going. 

But I’ve smashed my transitions, my weaving, my pack work AND my contact stuff! I am so stoked to be making so many advancements. 

So what else is new?

There’s been a lot of developments during my hiatus from blogging!

I got to go on the radio! our local BBC radio station invited the team on air to discuss the win from our first champs game, and our captain and coach invited me a long to talk about my time as a rookie skater! It was super cool, even if there was a lot of explaining to do. I am honoured to have represented the team on air.

I got to skate with the big skaters! I have had a couple of chances to get involved with the main team drills on a Sunday! I have been welcomed into the fold and really put through my paces with blocking work. It’s incredibly intense and I have been left with some killer bruises, but the whole team are so supportive and everyone is full of great advice that I am trying to absorb like a sponge. Now I’ve had a taste, I cannot wait to pass mins and start doing it full time!

I’ve seen more Roller Derby! This month was our off month for the Championship season, but we all piled up to Cambridge to see the other four teams in our tier compete. It was once again a great chance to sit back and enjoy the sport, whilst feeding back ideas on gameplay to my team mates.

I have been able to mirror bench for our second team! A big development in the Killa Hurtz world is that we now have a big enough roster for a development team. This is for all the new skaters coming up from Fresh Meat, as well as those who want to try their hand at alternative positions. I was able to join the bench team of the aptly named Terra Hurtz in a friendly against our neighbours in Suffolk, acting as a mirror bench in order to reflect the directions of the bench coach on the other side of the track, where the players may be out of range to hear instructions. It was SCARY but also super cool, and I got into the swing of things as the game progressed. I hope to carry this on in the future. Al skated her butt off and the team did a brilliant win, and I am super proud to have been part of that <3

I’ve had a lot of blips. It hasn’t all been joyous. Two weeks ago, I had a massive cry in the middle of the session. I still had lots to pass, and felt proper stuck in a rut with my development. It gets to a point with every skater where progression slows down and things don’t go the way you want to. I have also been battling the good ol’ body image demons, and fighting off my horrible anxiety. I am blessed to have some really lovely team mates, coaches and a bloody perfect girlfriend who have helped me through this and encouraged me to keep on going. This meant that I was able to keep showing up at practice, keep on fighting the nasties and eventually get ticked off on a bunch of stuff.

I’ve been a true vegan for nearly a month! This is derby related in the sense that I am trying to work on my health and giving up dairy has really helped my asthma and general fitness. I am also seeing tonnes of other benefits, whilst also saving the animals and planet <3 

SOOOOO during the process of writing this blog today, I just got the biggest news of all...:

I AM OFFICIALLY A DEVELOPMENT PLAYER WITH THE MAIN TEAM!!!!!!!!!

2.31pm:  Space Hop’Her, Fresh Meat Coach: “PS you are now a development player! Well done love! I'll add you to the Main Team group tonight.”

I literally burst into tears during my lunch break.

This is the best news. Even though I haven’t passed all my mins, I have worked hard enough to get back into training with the main team. I have SO much further to go, and there are going to be so many other challenges along the way, but this is a massive step and I am so SO proud of myself. I have stuck with something, and pushed through all the challenges, and never given up. I have never done that before, ever.

I am determined to get my mins completed as soon as I am able to, and cannot give up on pushing to be stronger and faster and better. 

Who would have thought the nervous human who could barely stand on skates and hated exercise would be in this position 6 months later?

Chuffed.

Wednesday Evening:

I’d been suffering from some serious Roller Derby withdrawals following the world cup, so, with Al in tow, I was chomping at the bit to get back in skates by Wednesday. 

After an enjoyable meeting with the lovely Dollop (above), this week's focus was on a few bits and pieces needed for our minimum skills. We worked a lot on our transitions, and Al gave me lots of useful advice on how to move my feet to turn around. Essentially, when I go from forward to back I have a tendency to drag my feet, which is fine when going slowly but in a game could be really dangerous. Therefore my goal was to focus on shifting my weight and trusting myself enough to fully pick up my feet. This seems to still only work for me one way rather than the other, but with some more practice I should be fine... right?

Next, we had a look at our plow stops and how to implement them within a wall with other skaters. We were paired up with people who were roughly the same size as us, and worked first at creating a solid foundation to block any incoming skaters. We then looked at how we can use our plowing to push the other person from the track through re-positioning our hips and shoulders (typically, I was paired with one of our new transfers Mer-Maiden who I swear is the most unmovable blocker I have ever met!) This was a fab chance to really work on using my skills in relevant game style situations.

The never-ending game of trying to get crossovers was also on the agenda, and with a lot of help from Al and some of my fellow teamies I slowly started to understand that I needed to get lower, and also that you have to push off with your feet to the side to maintain speed.

This was going great and I was almost there, until i came to a rather dramatic stop... and snapped the cup that hold my toe-stop in place. I now have to skate with my toe stops just a bit too high, as there was no real way of fixing the cup. I was gutted as I was getting so damn close to clicking with crossing.

To finish we had a quick go at trying to pass our “quick laps”. We have to be able to complete a lap from standing within 13 seconds (slightly less at about 11 seconds on our track as it’s a bit shorter). However, feeling disheartened about my broken skate, I was only able to grab about 12 seconds. 

It was a good week, but I was sad to leave with a slightly wonky skate.However, there was no time to fret as Sunday was the big day, as it’s officially CHAMPS SEASON. 

Sunday : Game Day!

I was pumped for the weekend. Sunday was my first chance to see my team properly in action as they set up for their first game of the British Championships. My team the Killa Hurtz are part of the third tier of the women’s division here in the UK and we face Dorset, Wiltshire, Hertfordshire and Cambridge as our group competitors this season. It was a particularly important day to me as it was Al’s first chance to skate in a championship game, so nerves were jangling from the moment the alarm went in the morning. 

We had a turn out of over a hundred people for both the games, which was incredible. The audience was made up of a mix of ages, with people arriving to watch their first ever game and some old familiar faces from the Killa Hurtz’ past. With music, drinks, games, glitter and merch stalls, the day was a huge amount of fun for all involved. I was charged with running the social media updates all day, keeping check of scores and providing a commentary for those who weren’t able to make the game,

The previously tier 2 Cambridge Rollerbillies faced the promoted tier 4 team from Wiltshire in the first game. What had previously been thought to be an unbalanced match turned into quite a tight battle, as Wiltshire really held their own against the Cambridge jammers and forced them to only just scrape a minimal win. 

We were up next against Hertfordshire’s Hell’s Belles. Last year, they narrowly beat us by 6 points in the last jam, so it was a really important game for us. It was fast and exciting to watch, and we suffered from a few foul outs, but my team came out top with a solid win of 218-141. The players were ecstatic, and no one was more proud than our new bench coach who was pleased to have taken a win for our first champs game. 

Whilst watching from the sidelines and from hovering near our mirror bench, I felt inspired to see if I could help out more with the team by getting involved with the bench managing process. It would be a really great way for me to develop my understanding of the sport by getting involved more directly with the team. I have since spoken with our coach who is hoping  I can get involved helping with our beginnings of a b-team!

 Our next fixture is in April, but there will be a few exciting games before then, so I will keep you updated! Well done to my beautiful team <3 

What I learnt this week:

Don’t drag your feet whilst transitioning- you’ll break your ankle when you start playing. Focus first on picking up your feet, then move onto pivoting on your wheels. That was you’ll be more prepare when playing.

Crossovers are so totally on the horizon.

Don’t smash up your skates trying to do crossovers.

Our team have come along way even in just the few months I have skated with them. 

There’s a lot of rules to get a grip on. Watching games is a great way to learn them. 

I go on and on about how important Roller Derby is to me, and how much it has changed my life. I’ve heard similar stories from my friends and team mates, but it was never so apparent how powerful this sport is until I went to Manchester this weekend. 

the 1st to the 4th of February saw the 3rd Roller Derby World Cup arrive here in the UK, with 40 teams from across the world due to compete. I was mildly excited to attend when I got my ticket for Christmas, but by the time the week before rolled around I was pumped, having seen so many exciting stories from the teams across their social media pages.Not only was I excited to see the sport played at the highest possible level by some of the biggest names, I was also going to be in a room filled with like-minded people, a space where queer women in particular would dominate the attendance ratio, and where everyone from all walks of life would be truly welcome. 

Day 1: Thursday

Al and I were staying about 20 minutes from the venue in a rather beat up hotel, so it was an early start for us on the Thursday morning. We arrived to join the short queue that was amassing to collect wristbands in the biggest warehouse style space I had ever seen. The atmosphere was buzzing, and various teams started to trickle in around us as we waited for the booths to open. 

We quickly orientated ourselves, locating the four different tracks and most importantly the merch stalls, before taking up seats on the main track for the opening game: Team Indigenous vs Italy. The games on the first day were only half an hour, with no half time, so it was a great chance for us to see loads of teams across all four tracks. Each team played two games, one morning and one afternoon, so we were able to catch almost every team, including England taking on Korea, and Sweden vs the West Indies. I found a quick fondness for Team Mexico, who played with a strong heart and an incredibly strong set of jammers, whilst Al fell for the small but mighty power of the korean team. 

The representation was strong at the World Cup.

A little bit of Spain vs Brazil

After spending a small fortune on t-shirts and patches, we ventured out into the Trafford Centre midway, to clear our heads as they were buzzing with whistles and shouting and the screeching of wheels. It was an intense day, but so exciting and easy to watch. A lot of the games were badly balanced, with some teams scoring enormous differentials, but what I loved most was that everyone seemed to be thoroughly enjoining themselves. Despite losing 59 to 189, team Greece screamed with joy when one of their blockers were able to get Lady Trample, one of the biggest jamming names in derby, from the track, and Trample smiled and high-fived her after the jam. The sheer joy of seeing women supporting other women filled me with so many emotions that I was unsure I’d survive this weekend without sobbing...

Day 2: Friday

Things started to get a little more serious on day two, as games were now the full hour. Big names such as Canada had some tough matches like France, who were pushing them to their limits with strong walls and speedy jammers. other teams continued to score highly, with Germany smashing through the Czech Republic 600-99, and Sweden rinsing Team Russia 635 to 6. 

Canada watch on as France push hard to stop them scoring points. 

Al and I rotated around the stands, catching up with friends along the way and catching the odd snippets of games. The day finished with a nail-biting game between Argentina and USA. In classic British style, the underdogs Argentina were the crowd favourites, drawing huge screams from the crowd when they broke from the pack to score, or were able to hold the likes of Scald Eagle and Bonnie Thunders for a whole two minutes. The final score was 361- 49, but Argentina put up an honourable fight that was exactly what the close of day needed, as we prepared for the quarter finals.

Day 3: Saturday

The crowds built quickly this weekend as people were arriving for the last two days of the cup. Sporting our Killa Hurtz team colours, Al and I ditched the main track in favour of watching Team West Indies vs Ireland, both of whom had huge support from the public throughout the weekend. 

Ireland and West Indies got the crowd singing before a fun action-packed game on track 2.

The morning was largely the end of the playoffs, with the quarter finals due to start in the evening. The day saw lots of strong teams flattening some of the smaller and younger teams, but there were some brilliant moments across the hall. 

We also caught up with some fellow teamies! Our Head NSO, ANIAMAL, was helping out with the stats work, and also had the opportunity to NSO the Junior game that was happening on Sunday. 

Following the end of the knock out round, there was an Expo game from the new team Baltic and team Israel, who played a friendly bout together for the enjoyment of the crowd. It turns out that a lot of the girls were skating their FIRST EVER GAME, and the crowd completely lost their minds every time someone scored, blocked or even stayed up on their feet. I actually cried a little when I saw these girls representing the sport at it’s finest, as it must have been so daunting yet incredible to represent and play for the first time in front of thousands at a world cup. The game was made even better with the appearance of Vienna’s all male cheer-leading squad, who stole the hearts of the crowd with a kooky yet pristine half time show. 

it was then a mad dash to make it to track four for the first of the quarterfinals, where England took on the powerhouse of Sweden. We were given a close, intense and impressive display from both teams, who showcased incredible talent on both sides, with England winning with just a hundred point lead. After a long day, this was an incredible game to finish on, and I left dreaming of the day that I would be good enough to even get up on skates, let alone play alongside the likes of my new heroes Delta Strike and Alex Wilde.

Day 4: Sunday

A bittersweet feeling descended on the Sunday, with the realisation that it was the last day of the cup, but would also would be a day of incredible derby as the big powerhouses of the sport made their way to the top rankings. 

Only mildly sleep deprived, we secured some superb seats in the bleachers and stuck to track one all day, and we were not disappointed. 

with my pal and number-sake hero from Central City Roller Girls, what a beautiful bunch. 

We saw USA open the day by pushing Canada down to the bronze medal game, followed by Australia doing the same to England. Both games were intense and fast, with all the big names such as Miracle Whips, Sarah Chambers, Delta Strik and a personal fave Shania Pain drawing the crowd together in raucous chants and cheers.

We were also blessed with another expo from the Junior Roller Derby teams. My heart was in my throat as we watched some of the smallest yet fearless of skaters smash around the track from team Dolphin and team Kingfisher, with my soul crying out whenever one of them went down on the harsh concrete. It was completely inspiring to see young people getting involved in the sport, and even more lovely to see kids in the crowd next to us cheering for their friends of the track too.

The battle for the bronze medal position kicked of at 6, with the house lights going down and focusing entirely on an incredibly close game between England and Canada, which got the crowd on their feet. Losing only by 26 points, team England really did their home turf proud. 

Then it was time: USA and Australia, a battle of two incredibly powerful teams. Australia were the underdogs, but the crowd knew they were not going to leave without a fight.

Something magical happened before the game. Australia lead Team Indigenous, made up of indigenous women from around the globe, onto the track, and allowed them time to talk rather than singing their national anthem. 

The crowd fell silent as the women bore their community flags with pride, and talked openly about the persecution of indigenous women and how roller derby can be used as a platform to provide solidarity and love. I cried my heart out (and I am welling up whilst typing this) as we stood for a moment silence before someone haphazardly played the USA anthem (much to the confusion of the crowd). This strong message was exactly what roller derby should be- a strong sport for strong women who are able to support other women. It made me feel so positive and happy that I was able to be part of this strong, wholesome family.

Team Indigenous Invited to speak before the finals by team Australia. a full statement is available here. 

The final was amazing. Australia really put the US through their paces with their jammers taking an early lead before US had really checked them, but then being pushed back as they came up against the strong opposing walls. The crowd were jovial, starting chants and waves and mimicking the bench coaches, whilst urging the underdogs on. The half time show was again filled with a longer show from the ridiculously entertaining Fearleaders, who left the crowd braying for more into the final half. 

Despite their best efforts, Australia were just shy of passing america, who took the victory for a third year in a row. It was good to see a team that could really hold their ground against the US, however, and it is hoped that there will be more close games come the next world cup. 

what I learnt this week:

Folks, I am still on an emotional comedown. This weekend blew my mind, and more than ever I want to be a strong as possible member of this thriving community family, both as a skater but also as a member. Being surrounded by friendly, enthusiastic people from all walks of life has set a fire in my soul that I will not shake off. I want to get my minimum skills and skate my heart out in games, inspiring women, children and everyone around like these women inspired me this weekend. I want to take pride in what I do, and let it shine through into everything I do, in and around Roller Derby. A huge thank you to my beautiful Al for explaining things to me during the games (namely penalties), and for feeding me chips and getting me awesome merch and not complaining about my driving and for generally being the best all weekend. 

Also I want thighs like Jack Attack, the footwork of Sarah Chambers, the stamina of Shania Pain and the smiles of team Greece... is that too much to ask?

Last week’s post was a heavy one, and for that I apologise. However, I have had some lovely and very supportive feedback from both my team mates and friends, and I am starting to feel a bit more human again. My mental health will always come and go, but having a net of lovely, friendly people to pull me through has helped me beyond measure. 

Wednesday Night

I am at a point in my training where I have got my head around a few of the basics, but still need to work on certain things before I can advance any further. My plow stops, transitions and crossovers are all big, important skills that I need for the game, and I am ~okay~ at some of them. I just need to practice, practice and practice them some more before I can get them signed off by coach. 

This isn’t a problem. I was worried that I was going to stress myself out and get upset over the fact that I wasn’t getting better at the same rate as others have, but I have spoken a lot to other skaters who have told me that some of the best skaters they know took a while to pass their minimum skills, which has definitely put me at ease. 

Wednesday was good chance to work on my general fitness and look into ways to develop the skills with alternative actions. After an off skates warm up, with coach giving us ideas of how to improve our strength with simple exercises, we largely focused on our crossovers, transitions and i was able to sign off some of the basic skills I had missed from earlier sessions, such as stepping in skates and balancing on each foot for 30 seconds. 

I was still tired from being ill last week, so I struggled a little with my stamina, but I left feeling accomplished and even got to watch some of the main team practice some of their wall drills.

Sunday Morning

I was promised new headshots on Sunday, and our photographer Peg 4 Mercy did not disappoint! Thanks to some softer lighting and a big ol’ dorky smile, I was actually impressed with the result:

I’m excited for when I can eventually use this for my first rookie game!!

Sunday session started with an endurance test with our sports coach, a little like the bleep test where laps had to be completed in shorter and shorter time frames. I managed a fair few laps, but ended up dropping off to take photos and videos for our Instagram page- keeping up with the main team was intense. 

We then joined our Rookie Coach Carlie, who was back on skates after an injury, and she drilled us with some pack work as well as some development of our stride. I have a tendency to push my feet backwards rather than to the side, and struggle to get low to make my movements fluid. After some gentle encouragement, I felt more confident in my movements, and was able to pass off my “avoiding obstacles in a pack” skill. I spent some time working on my transitions on my own, until a blister put me out for the end of the session. 

What I learnt this week:

Things take time and that is okay.

Improving my stride will help me go faster and also help with my crossover action. 

Everyone in the Roller Derby community is brilliant.

YO SO NEXT WEEK IS THE ROLLER DERBY WORLD CUP IN MANCHESTER and Al and I have weekend tickets! Expect lots of excited posts and loads of pictures!

Wednesday Evening:

I skated my little heart out tonight. It was brilliant. 

The usual nerves hit before training, but this week I said no to them. With a pep talk from Al, I hit training hard, throwing myself into everything coach threw at us. It made me feel accomplished and powerful, and I am actually starting to feel like I could play derby.

After an energetic warm up of pack chasing and pace line weaving, I managed to pass of a few if my minimum skills, including knee taps and all my backwards skating skills, and lots and lots of jumping: 

A post shared by KHRG (@killahurtzrollerderby) on Jan 17, 2018 at 2:21pm PST

There’s still lots to work on- I struggled with building speed when weaving through cones, and need to work on my hip movement to try and continue my momentum. I also have a long way to go with my crossovers, as well as my transitions, but by managing to block all my worries from my mind, I achieved so much in just two hours of training.  

I was gutted to have missed Sunday training this week, due to a stomach virus. 

Tuesday Evening: Old Demons

“...Is that what I really look like?”

“ I promise you these are just photos you still look the same as you did before these photos and that is fucking beautiful.”- Al.

“ I’m so ashamed.” 

Roller Derby is my saving grace. It’s helped me push myself to the limits and I have achieved so much in the last few months. I am proud that I am learning to skate, and will bore anyone who even pretends to listen with excitable anecdotes and facts. It’s my favourite thing and it makes me feel good about myself.

Which is partly why I was a huge state when headshots were sent out. 

I talk a lot in my old posts about my warped body image and my struggle with my fitness. Since taking up derby, I have surprised myself by not worrying over scales and measurements, and haven’t been fussed about my diet. I have been enjoying life. 

Seeing the photos of me in purple, however, I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I was completely winded. 

I looked terrible. 

As usual in these situations, everyone immediately sprang up with “oh it’s just bad photos, you’re beautiful, you don’t have to use them, I look just as bad in mine” etc, which is lovely and kind, but by this point I had shut down. I hate photos of me, and usually only ever share pictures I have taken of myself, where I can control the angle, lighting, filters etc. Seeing these pictures, taken after I had been skating for a while with my hair askew and chins on show, I was disgusted. I had never seen anything more repulsive, and knowing it was me (seriously, is that what I really look like?) made me want to die. 

Sounds dramatic doesn’t it? Part of me was shocked at how upset I was, but I flew into a crying panic attack, stressed that the world sees me as this picture showed me. I couldn’t understand how all the pictures except mine looked fine. And the worst part it, it made me want to stop derby immediately. If I looked this bad in photos, what the hell was I thinking playing the game?

I felt like Roller Derby had let me down. That I had let myself down for not being skinny enough, pretty enough, sassy enough.  My rose tinted glasses have been removed and really I am a round, sad toad, trying to be one of the big girls.

Old demons coming back to haunt me. 

It’s weird typing these feelings up. I know it doesn’t make sense, that this is irrational and maybe the picture is fine, but to me it’s the worst thing in the world. I still feel sick thinking these pictures exist. I don’t think I will ever be comfortable with pictures being taken of me. I am trying to focus on the fact that it doesn't matter, it’s a picture that won’t be used for ages, and even then it’ll be tiny inside the programme. But it was still a harsh reminder of my real self, or what I perceive to be my real self. It’s been a huge set back and I am struggling to work out where to go from here. 

All over a stupid picture. 

What I learnt this week

I can skate better than I used to.