:]

me as a 14th century knight: this sucks i'm gonna fms (translator's note: fall on my sword)

Alternatively: fuck my squire

[remembers falling on my sword jokes negatively impact my knight's oath] ...fuck my squire

When someone you love offers a bid for connection, you say yes every time. When someone sends you an article, a video, a funny post, it’s a bid for connection. They are trying to connect with you. When someone shares details about their day, their life, their thoughts, or their feelings with you, that is a bid for connection. They want to connect with you on a deeper level. They are trying to pull you into their world. If you love them, you say yes every time. Yes, even if the article they send is not particularly interesting to you. Yes, even if it means listening to them ramble about a game you don’t care about and think is stupid. Yes yes yes. And let’s hope they always say yes to your bids, too.

No one seems to be acknowledging the far funnier element of this, which is, that when you go to the commenter’s account, you find out they are actually fucking roleplaying as a sexually repressed skeleton and jjst really committed to the bit while everyone in the reblogs is talking about how much they hate minors or whatever. thank you kharak the skeleton servant of the almighty lich king

“I hate this website” “I hate purity culture” “asexuals are so annoying” “religious people are so annoying” “I can’t stand TikTok gays” “I hate minors” you guys are talking about a skeleton warrior who serves an evil wizard right now

*spits up blood & looks up, smirking* heh, torture me all you like but ill never tell you the answer to the sphinxs riddle, because im stupid as fuck, & dont know it

using the bus tracker app is like. oh it's going to be here in three minutes. now it's five minutes. oh the bus has killed itself

i... am... not... depressed!!! my telekinesis halfheartedly shoves a couple things around the room

perhaps ripping this one little piece of skin off my lips will at last render them plump and moisturized

A new study finds that Apple has some of the highest employee turnover rates of any tech company. Google "apple turnover" for more information.

“she’s got legs for days” pfffft not impressive. i;ve had mine for years

how do you guys vocalize the punchline semicolon silly-punctuation I always imagine it’s a teenage boy voice crack