Zoey Sloane

1. Between Breaths | rated T

Garrus Vakarian isn’t attracted to humans, but step by step, bit by bit, he comes to care for one human in particular, until in the moment from one breath to the next he realizes he’s in deeper than he’d ever thought possible.

Which makes the betrayal all the more painful.

A look into the development of Garrus’s feelings for Shepard, interspersed with the loyalty mission as an experiment in non-linear storytelling.

Hunting a rogue salarian geneticist with the backing and blessing of a Council Spectre was, as it turned out, liberating. “Garrus, back down.” Up to a point. Garrus’s hands tightened on the grip of his sidearm. The plates of his hardsuit gauntlets groaned in protest at the strain. His breaths came short and fast. “We have him right here,” Garrus growled, frustration slipping into his sub-vocals. “If we hand him over to the Citadel he’ll just get away again.” Not two meters away, the salarian in question shook in his shoes, vitals spiking in the display on Garrus’s visor, eyes darting around the room as if seeking an alternate exit not blocked by a krogan. He wasn’t likely to find one, but Garrus couldn’t take that risk. Couldn’t.

2. A Quick One (No Children) | rated E

Hours before the galaxy’s final stand against the Reapers, Garrus spaces out while watching a live feed of Palaven, causing him to recall both his distant and recent past. He is interrupted when Shepard returns to his post, asking him to sneak off with her for some alone time. The two run off to a private corner of the Alliance base to have sex, but more importantly, pretend they have a chance at a normal life afterward. Inspired by De Selby Part 1 by Hozier.

This is a melancholy / bittersweet love story told from Garrus’s POV. It is a single chapter and contains an explicit sex scene in the second half. Garrus and Shepard are the only main characters, but a few canon and original characters appear on the sidelines.

A tremor ran through Shepard’s body. She squeezed her eyes shut. “Can we just pretend we have a normal life like a normal couple?” Garrus could’ve sworn her already glowing facial scars flashed brighter for a second. “Just this once. Please.” Dread settled into Garrus’s stomach. Shepard was about to lead the most important attack in the history of every sentient lifeform in the galaxy. Sure it wasn’t just her doing the fighting, but she was the one going into the belly of the beast. She needed to be at the top of her game. This was the worst possible time for an existential crisis. If she goes out there like this, there’s a good chance she…might…not… No. Not going to even think it.

3. R&R | rated E

After the end of the war, Garrus and Shepard need to learn how to deal with a lot of things: her mom, living on Earth and recovering.

Thankfully for both of them, being with each other once again for the first time in months isn’t one of them.

“Okay, yeah. I needed that,” Shepard says, not being able to keep herself from laughing as she does so, and, at that, Garrus can’t help the laughter that escapes from the back of his throat. Then, he presses one, two, three more pecks on her cheek, temple and lips before pulling away. “Told you so,” Garrus says, and if he had been feeling insecure about his skills as a lover seconds ago, it sure isn’t the case anymore. Smiling at her, he starts stroking her arm. “You should listen to me more often.” “I do listen to you,” Shepard says, and Garrus can’t help the scoff that escapes the back of his throat. “But I do! Sometimes.” When Garrus doesn’t say anything else, she continues speaking, “Hey, I said I listen to you. That doesn’t mean I’m going to do whatever you want me to.”

4. composed of nows | rated M, 45k words! | CW: suicide attempts, blood and gore, body horror, minor character death, alcoholism, M-rated smut

After Shepard destroyed the Crucible, the energy expelled from the blast changed her. She's immortal, any trace of aging is stuck in some sort of perpetual stasis, her body is incapable of being injured-- and what's more, she seemed to consume the blast, which threatens to hurt everyone around her in uncontrollable attacks. She left Garrus in the middle of the night in an attempt to save him from (whatever the hell) she's turned into, and never looked back.

Nineteen year later, and Garrus is a shell of what he once was. He drinks too much, he has too many ex-wives, and not a single turian in their right mind would pay him any respect, including his own crew. What was supposed to be a routine mission to a fringe colony turned into something unexpected when he picks up an SOS signal from a shuttle. What he wasn't anticipating was for it to be Shepard-- which the shock lasted for only a few moments, before a blast came out of her body that killed half his crew.

As the explosion knocked them off course, Shepard and Garrus must find a way to cohabitate after nineteen years of scorn. If Shepard is just going to leave again, then Garrus wants no part of it. And if Garrus had moved on a long time ago, Shepard sees no reason for forced civility.

But what both of them did not anticipate was that maybe, in nineteen years, neither of them changed all that much to begin with.

Her hand made a move to cup his cheek. He took a step back, his carapace rattling the wall of cabinets behind him. More than anything, he was annoyed that the one part of his body that housed any sort of self-preservation instinct was his legs. “Don’t bother,” he said, his cheek now so cold it was as if someone had slapped him with a shard of ice. “Especially if you’re just going to leave again.” “And if I don’t?” she whispered. “What then?” She was close. She was so close that he could count all of the freckles on her skin, like stars in the sky. Except he got bored of outer space-- Claire, he’d never tire of. He never really got art before he met her. Afterwards, he still didn’t, because nothing in those galleries ever compared to her.

5. Falling Slowly | rated M | CW: very mild descriptions of injury

Everyone knows the story: man meets woman, woman recruits man, man and woman fight existential threat, woman and man begin awkward interspecies romance, woman saves the galaxy (possibly ending in tragedy).

But what does it take to have a happily ever after?

This triptych of vignettes takes place during three different time periods (ME2, ME3, and 25 years after the war respectively). Inspired by Richard Linklater's "Before" series of films, "Falling Slowly" is told primarily through intimate conversations and wanderings, depicting the small, but meaningful moments that build intimacy. It is a portrait of a relationship at different stages: from its beginning, to its deepening, to its eventual challenges and reckonings.

As an emotionally honest slice-of-life, “Falling Slowly” brings readers closer to the heart of one of Mass Effect's most beloved pairings.

“Last real long term girlfriend I had, I was 23. Thought that was it for me. I was crazy about her. Turned out she felt the same way too…just about some other guy. It ended when I walked into a bar and caught them canoodling in the corner booth.” Shepard sucks her teeth. “That’s rough.” “Got a dose of cold, hard reality that day. Never really worked up the nerve to try much after that.” “I’m sorry that happened to you. Must have hurt a lot.” “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. Isn’t that what you humans say? Though, I prefer the old turian version: ‘weapons are forged in fire’.” He looks up, his eyes alert and steely. “As far as qualities go…a lot of things come to mind. Brains? Savvy? Principles?” He lolls his head toward her. “A nice waist doesn’t hurt.” She smirks. “Uh huh.”

6. in burning red | rated T | CW: discussions of grief and loss, alcohol use

The fic is told in three parts: First, following the destruction of the SR-1, Joker crashes at Garrus’s apartment and introduces him to old noir detective films. Garrus is fascinated by the femme fatale characters, noticing that they all wear red dresses. Joker tries to call Garrus out on his attraction to human women but Garrus doesn’t really have a response because he’s too busy trying (and failing) not to think about Shepard being gone.

Two years later, Garrus walks in on Shepard and Kasumi trying to find a dress for Shepard to wear to Donovan Hock’s party. Shepard, still not coping well with her death and resurrection, looks miserable, and Garrus gives her advice on how to blend in to the party while also struggling with some complicated feelings. Before he leaves, he suggests that she wear a red dress.

Later, Garrus comes up to Shepard’s cabin expecting to hang out and watch movies, only to find her wearing a red ball gown. Seeing her in the dress makes him realize that he has feelings for her, and helps him to fully come to terms with the fact that both of them have survived the last two years. He helps her put on an accessory she can’t put on by herself, and then leaves before he does something dumb like kiss her.

She reached out for the bottle still gripped in his hand and he passed it to her silently, holding his breath at the jolt that ran through him when her fingers grazed his. All of this was new – the way he suddenly couldn’t keep his eyes from her when she charged across the battlefield, the fact that he was always making up excuses to seek out her company. It was so distracting. He should be focusing on something important, like tracking down Sidonis or figuring out how to break the news about his ruined face to his sister. Instead, he watched the way that Shepard‘s smile cracked just on the edge on shattering, and fantasized about a galaxy in which he had never been forced to learn to live without her. “They know who I was,” she said softly. “Legally, I’m still dead. Not one person in that room is going to look at me and think, ‘Oh wow, the magically resurrected Commander Shepard has invited herself to this party.’” “I did.”

7. Katabasis | rated T | CW: corpse eating, thinking about parental death, canon-typical violence, space insect swarms

Earth is in a strange state in the weeks after the war. Rachni roam the rubble of fallen cities, serving in a search and rescue role. Medical supplies are strained, and local tensions mount between local humans and the alien armies parked on the planet.

Desperate to find answers for Commander Shepard's comatose condition, Garrus decides to do one thing he never thought thought he'd do: go to the Rachni for help.

He was getting lightheaded. Not much time before he would pass out. He found her curled over a carefully arranged pile of ruby-red eggs, chirping something pink and orange to them. Two brood warriors stood at either side of her, waving their antennae warily, resplendent in a biotic glow. “Please,” he rasped. His voice didn’t sound like anything. “I need to speak to your mother.” The Queen drew herself to her full height and turned her attention to him. A brood warrior flicked an antenna, and Garrus was pulled from his feet, into the air, suspended between the two brood warriors and before the Queen. Mouth height.

8. Consumed Memories | rated T | CW: Themes of starvation explored, mentions of suicide, mentions of cannibalism in several chapters, and invasive medical interventions in one chapter.

A steaming mug of darorn fruit, the hum of a bustling market, the crispness of an unworn uniform—mundane details, yet they all pull Garrus back to Shepard. All he has are fragments of their time together, haunting him in the silence of space, not knowing whether she’s dead or alive.

This story is told through Garrus' nonlinear memories, as he commands Normandy in the aftermath of the Reaper War. Six months of a perilous journey, the crew faces the harsh realities of survival in a post-war-torn galaxy. With the Mass Relays destroyed, the Normandy's FTL drive is their only lifeline, and every day is a struggle against dwindling resources and the unknown.

Interwoven with memories of love and comfort, past adventures, missed opportunities, and the weight of unspoken words, Garrus brings Shepard back to life in his mind. But with each passing day, the possibility of a future without her becomes more real and ever more painful.

“I guess meaningless statements have their uses, easier to hide behind than well-” “The truth.” Shepard finished, inhaling deeply. “Your turn to talk.” “Fuck you,” Shepard laughed without the smile reaching her eyes. “I had the shot lined up right between Alenko’s eyes,” she paused, pushing loose red strands from her face. “I’m riding on a thin edge, Garrus, I can’t keep holding guns up to old friends. I just-” she sighed and collapsed into him, her warmth pressed into his side. “What matters is his name didn’t have to join Ash’s.” “I know, but I don’t know if I can handle it when we're out of room.” “We’ll handle it together.” __ Countless names surrounded Garrus at the memorial wall. The sheer volume of text overloaded his translator, blurring and washing away their meanings. He focused on one name, waiting on a long, sleek metal in his grip—Commander Shepard.

9. Strategic Displacement, or, Lead You Home | rated T | CW: being buried alive and referenced flashbacks to prior trauma

On the way to the Spire on Tuchanka, accompanying Mordin to disperse the genophage cure, Garrus and Shepard find… an alternate route. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say an alternate route finds them?

Strategic Displacement is a short, self-contained fic exploring Garrus' and Shepard's relationship with the concepts of lost and found: getting lost, being lost, finding themselves, finding each other, and finding meaning and answers after losing hope. It is set during the Priority: Tuchanka mission of Mass Effect 3, and features no other characters heavily, although several are mentioned or appear in passing. It varies between banter and serious conversation as they work to escape a dangerous situation that has no clear way out.

There was no way to go but up. That much was simple. The only problem was that they’d already heard three Reaper ground troop patrols over their heads, and there’d been two more smaller rockslides since they started up the way they’d come. After the second, which had required Shepard’s cybernetically enhanced strength to shove them both out of the way and into an alcove, Shepard had declared they would no longer try to climb the pile of scree they’d brought down with them. They would make their way through the ancient tunnels of the buried city, instead. Naturally, that had resulted in their becoming hopelessly lost. He exhaled a breath that puffed out his mandibles, squared his shoulders, and followed his CO (and girlfriend) further into the darkness. [No need to worry. We get into—and out of—hopeless situations all the time. This is just another Tuesday.]

10. Carte Blanche | rated M | CW: violence and some dark themes (not sexual content)

When Shepard finds a half-dead turian in Omega’s slums, she doesn’t expect to recognize him from a ship she served on years ago: a ship that disappeared without a trace, of which she believed herself to be the only survivor. And as she dragged the body out of the skip, she hoped no one would ever ask her why she saved Garrus Vakarian’s life. She couldn’t say "Because the implant in my head wanted me to"—nobody could know about EDI, the biggest AI experiment she was unwillingly partnered with in the mission that was taking her across the galaxy. But mostly, she hoped no one would ever ask why she saved Vakarian because even as she lumbered off to find a doctor with him draped over her shoulders, she still didn’t know why herself. (Mass Effect/Imperial Radch fusion fic)

Vakarian planted himself on the edge of the bed, still eyeing her warily. He slapped her hand away when she silently raised an arm to help him back into his sling, awkwardly adjusting to do it alone. He resettled his mandible and winced. Shepard sighed. She should have caught the shuttle out of here half an hour ago, so why was she still here? He had been part of the crew, and EDI wanted to save him. But had this urge really come from the AI or just herself, an old captain’s sentimentality not quite out of her system? “You’re supposed to keep your jaw still till the bones heal,” she recalled. “Though I’m guessing that’s a lost cause. And you have to eat non-chewables for a while.” Vakarian groaned. “Says who?” “Says the doctor I paid four grand to treat you.”

11. A Planet of Lights and Forms | rated T

In the wake of the Collectors’ defeat, Shepard has traveled to Illium for a brief respite. It’s only a matter of time before the Reapers arrive, and only a matter of time before she must return to Earth to face the consequences of her actions. In the meantime, she’s eager to live in the present, and even more eager to spend as much time as possible nurturing her relationship with Garrus.

But even the most mundane plans can go awry when you lead a crew of miscellaneous alien species, and on their first day docked on Illium—on Shepard and Garrus’s first date on Illium—bureaucracy strikes. Grunt can’t be paid for helping them defeat the Collectors if he doesn’t have a bank account, and he can’t get a bank account without ID. Who’d have thought that a tank-bred krogan “birthed” on a starship would have difficulty in Illium’s hellish administrative landscape? Apparently, not Shepard.

Helping Grunt will come at a cost. Not only will Shepard need to cut her date with Garrus short but she’ll also need to confront the consequences of her past and the part Garrus might play in her future.

Odiosa’s lips pressed together. “You said he was only a couple weeks old?” “Give or take.” She nodded. “We’ll mark the date as today. Name?” “Grunt,” Shepard said. Grunt grunted. Odiosa paused, eyes narrowing. “Uh, name?” “Grunt. My name is Urdnot Grunt.” The asari’s eyebrows lifted slightly. “Ah. Apologies. Parents?” “Don’t have any.” Grunt rolled his eyes, then folded his arms across his chest. “I came from a tank, remember?” “Is Urdnot not a family name?” Grunt huffed. “It’s Urdnot. Not Urdnotnot.” Her brow furrowed in confusion “Yes, I— Is Urdnot a family name?” “No, it’s my clan name.” Odiosa sighed, though it sounded more like a groan. “All right. Never mind that. Is there anyone else that could be listed as a parent?” Her eyes flicked expectantly between Shepard and Garrus. “My line descends from Shiagur, Kredak, Moro, Terg, Wrend, and Veeoll. Can you list them?”

12. The Plan | rated M | CW: cursing; very vague mentions of sexual stuff; mentions of death, injuries and war; slight PTSD mentions

After resolving galaxy-threatening crisis, Shepard has to face a brand new challenge - meeting turian in-laws. Despite Garrus' perfectly calibrated plan for a nice day out with his family, every stage of it goes wrong, wrong, and then wrong once again. Will these three wrongs make at least one right? God, they hope so.

“I feel honored to have such a thorough background check done. When it comes to you, Commander, I’m unhappy to report I had to rely just on the news.” “Well, I’m unhappy to report they constantly give me too much credit.” “Credit? Hell, I apparently can’t keep up with all the pieces coming out about you. But I was practically glued to the screen during your six months on Earth.” He cracked a first smile after that. Shepard realised she was at war with this individual. She was at war with alternate dimension senior Garrus with different markings and rougher voice. She was at war with C-Sec legend. She was at war with an asshole committed to… to do what, exactly? Make her lose it? Make Garrus break up with her? What possible goal could be in his power to achieve and what did Shepard have to do to win?

13. Fractured Continuum | rated M | CW: Major Character Death, Graphic depictions of violence, Suicide, Mental deterioration

Garrus dies on Earth.

Killed by a banshee that was aiming for Shepard. It should have ended there.

But instead, he wakes back up on Omega. No wounds, no scars, and very much alive. The reapers haven’t arrived yet, the galaxy isn’t at war and Shepard is still alive. No one seems to remember anything.

Except for him.

Each time he dies, he resets to the same point, with nothing but his memories and a splitting headache. He tries to figure out how to break the cycle, even escape it entirely. But there is no remorse, only the same outcome every time.

At first, he fights to save the galaxy and escape the cycle. But slowly, between laughter over coffee in the mess and the hum of late night confessions, his relationship with Shepard changes.

Realising his actions can alter the events, he begins to influence them. But each loop seems to come at a cost. He is mentally deteriorating and he can’t quite remember the details anymore. Along with dissonance of falling for someone who doesn’t know you’ve already fallen hundreds of times before.

Eventually he uncovers the way to end the loops and is forced to address his shifting priorities. Until Shepard confronts him and forces him to face the question he’s been too afraid to ask: Is he trying to end the war, or just hold onto her a little longer?

Told in fractured slices of life and action juxtaposed with melancholic moments of softness.

Shepard was standing, pistol in hand. Aiming straight at his head. Garrus blinked. The fish tank gurgled. Shepard didn’t move. That look in her eyes, the ‘don’t fuck with me’ stare he knew well. He’d never seen it directed at him though. And he didn’t like how steady her hand was. He gave a half laugh, at the absurdity of the situation. “What are you-” “I didn’t want to believe it.” She cut across him, her voice steady. But Garrus could detect the note of anger concealed under it, cold and unwavering. “Javik has been telling me for months that you were indoctrinated. I didn’t want to believe it. I thought he was just crazy, paranoid. But now…” “Shepard?” Another laugh, a little more nervous than before. “You can’t be serious. Come on, this is me we're talking about.”

14. Beneath Palaveni Stars | rated M | CW: Violence and sexual content

Shakarian AU! Turians as ancient Romans set in the wilds of Palaven. Lots of world building and trekking through a fantastical landscape. Relationship is adversaries to friends to lovers. Featuring POVs from Shepard, Garrus, Ashley, and Nihlus Kryik. Rated M for violence and sexual content:

Humanity’s discovery of the prothean cache on Mars has propelled them forward centuries, opening the vast relay network and uncharted worlds. Both government and private enterprises are keen to explore and expand, with an emphasis on gathering more prothean relics and unlocking their mysteries. But when the Cerberus Science Expedition lands on an alien world, Commander Shepard and her security force get more than they bargained for when an artifact activates…

Imperial Investigator Garrus Vakarian feels smothered by his overbearing father, and the constraints of his position. Looking into reports of falling stars at the Temple of the Titans sounds like a reprieve from dull assignments, but when Garrus encounters a goddess and then becomes stranded with her far from home, he learns there is so much more out there than life in Cipritine.

He’d called himself an investigator if the word had translated right, but he clearly knew how to handle himself in hand-to-hand combat. He was dangerous. Judging by the way he kept her in his periphery, he seemed to think the same of her. “I think we’re in the Vas Sea,” he said after a moment. He shook his head. “I don’t know how that’s possible, though. The Vas Sea is nearly twelve leagues from the Temple of the Titans.” Shepard decided not to comment on the vast grove of trees being called a sea, and instead focused on the distance. “Twelve leagues?” she repeated, voice pitching higher on the last word. “How the hell did we get transported a dozen leagues from the temple?”

15. To Press Down on a Bleeding Wound | rated M | CW: canon-typical violence, non-explicit sex and sexual references, mentions and descriptions of blood and injury.

Many times through the years, Garrus has found himself in the wrong place at the wrong time, injured for whatever reason. Mostly minor, sometimes major. One constant is Shepard, always there to tell him to take care of it. Or, 4 times Shepard tells Garrus to get patched up and one time Garrus patches Shepard up. Relationship progression shown through injuries.

“You don’t feel that?” she asks, craning her neck to get a better look at his with the widened cowl of his armor now removed. “You really sure it’s my blood?” Shepard hums, amused. “Confident, huh?” Her hand lands on his shoulder and presses down. It isn’t her full strength, not nearly enough to move him, but it passes the message even before she says, “Just lean over so I can check.” Garrus complies, bending just slightly at the knee towards her. From this angle, he gets a whiff of her hair—smoke and blood from Menae, but just a hint of something else. Almost woodsy, a trace of sweat. Distinctly and familiarly, all-encompassingly Shepard. He swallows, trying almost too hard not to think about that night before she turned herself in again. Her hand touches his neck once more, the tips of her bare fingers cool enough to chill.

16. Wait for It | rated E

This fic takes place during ME3, set after the attack on the Citadel. Garrus has been waiting to make his move on Shepard, but hesitates. He then hears a rumor that Shepard and Kaidan are dating, and he is heartbroken but does his best to accept her decision while giving them space and kicking himself for waiting so long.

Then Shepard invites him out to Armax Arena for an opportunity to catch up. Turns out, sometimes rumors are just that- rumors.

As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t be mad. Not really. Despite their differences, Garrus liked Kaidan. He was a good soldier, unwavering in his beliefs, even when they were unpopular or contrary to Garrus’s own. From what he had heard, though not in his personal experience, Kaidan was an attractive guy. Could he really blame Shepard for choosing him? Being with Kaidan was easy. Two Alliance soldiers, the first and second human Spectres- it worked. It made sense. And what was Garrus? Turian ex C-Sec officer turned vigilante who had somehow stumbled into becoming the leading reaper advisor. And if Shepard deserved anything after all she had been through, it was something easy. Nothing about Garrus and a life with him would be was easy. They couldn’t even eat the same foods, let along the other cultural and biological complications there could be. No, this was better. As much as it made his heart ache and his stomach clench, Garrus knew that this was the right decision for Shepard. He would always have her six, always be her staunchest supporter.

17. Stolen Glances | rated T

Garrus struggles to navigate their friendship after two long years apart. Shepard grapples with the new world she was thrust into, and how the people she once knew have changed.

Garrus is gravely injured during his recruitment, and Shepard is forced to confront how he and her friends have changed since she died. Shepard prepares for Kasumi’s loyalty mission, and in the process sends Garrus into a spiral of his own making. With the help of their friends and crewmates, the two are able to finally confront their feelings for one another, and find a little peace in the galaxy to call their own.