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This Is Water, David Foster Wallace

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I am starting to experience real jealousy as an emotion for the first time in my life and I don’t like it. But I’m really jealous of anyone who isn’t a late bloomer. Starting to feel like by the time I could be solid and well enough to have a normal life, I’ll be too old to experience a lot of the things that will have passed me by. And I still don’t even get why I’m like this even though I’ve tried to understand and get better. It feels terrible
life outside the office (2010), J corvan

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David Lynch talking about Georgian polyphonic singing
NELKEN, Pina Bausch, 2024
Julie Anne Stanzak in “Nelken (Carnations)” by Pina Bausch 1982/83
Photo: Ulli Weiss © Pina Bausch Foundation [img mirrored]
https://www.pinabausch.org/archives/photo/nelk_40030528_44_0000
The Bliss of a Quiet Ego — Arthur C. Brooks
Faro Della Vittoria (Victory Lighthouse), Trieste, Italy

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if I made a substack would anyone on here follow me lol. I might not do it because I don’t want to drink the kool aid of having yet another social media account but it might force me to get more comfortable with writing
just genius. makes me cry
I cannot believe the level of explicitly, unabashedly antisemitic vitriol I’m seeing all over twitter and how it’s so comfortably tolerated or even promoted by all these big accounts I used to take seriously
lately whenever my parents say some homophobic shit i've just been responding by saying things to the effect of "don't you guys think this is a little passé at this point... you've lived in LA since before the aids crisis. it's 2026. like yawn... grow tf up"
everything is kind of shit but on the bright side i made 2-3 sweet new friends and i'm doing a great job learning lilacs by rachmaninoff on the piano. in the scheme of things i am ok, i just have to find a direction and be open to changing and growing across an unconventional timeline

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How are you feeling about LA these days, if you’re still there?
less venomous hatred towards it because california is really beautiful, but i'm still feeling extremely alienated and out of step culturally. if you're in your 20s / 30s but not really in ~the industry~ or exactly on the wavelength of the alt sorts of people in highland park and other east side neighborhoods, LA can feel like a very weird, poser-y place that attracts very different young people than nyc. in my experience people are generally not very internationally curious... it's true that they're very image-obsessed across the political and cultural spectrum, I think in even more homogeneous and vapid ways than you'll find in nyc. it all just feels very flat in every direction, plus LA feels bizarrely removed from time and history on a spatial / architectural level which I absolutely hate. it is also a very ideologically conservative city in many ways. and lastly, idc who fights me on this, but in my experience, it is a worse place to even attempt dating than the 9th circle of hell, especially if you'd like to date jews but you're not ok with being a tradwife. granted it also doesn't help my situation that most of my life rn is circumscribed by cursed immigrant enclave shit, and a lot of this has to do with the fact that I don't fit neatly into that world or the transplant-y worlds outside of it here. so i totally acknowledge that other people might feel differently than me. but whatever at least there's the beach and the mountains
The alabaster nudibranch, white-lined Dirona, or frosted sea slug (Dirona albolineata)