𓇗𓆸𓇚

Watching myself not change despite a decade of extremely taxing efforts to change has made me believe that I might never change and I’m not really hearing or seeing evidence to the contrary. Idk. I want to be ambitious and have higher standards and aspirations for myself, and I realize that this sort of resignation is usually just a defense mechanism and a lazy excuse to lower your expectations of yourself and resign any agency. I get that. but at what point should I just look at the empirical facts of what my entire life has consisted of and take the hint and realize it’s not in the cards because something in my head is just broken

At the point where I’m literally covering my mirrors and hiding every photo of myself in my camera roll. I need a break

Bro I cannot BELIEVE morris katz and i are the same age

I’m so sad I gave away my book of czeslaw milosz poems when I moved. Gonna buy another

I really want to learn how to still be content with and show up for your life as it currently is, even after you’ve admitted to yourself that you really want to be in a different place. I’ve lost the ability to just put those thoughts away and do well at my job, be present, and take advantage of the gifts that I do have in front of me. I think it’s just hard because I know there’s no escaping the monastic feeling of my life, at least not until I find a way to move out, but even then. I don’t know how to not notice or let it affect me that I’m 26 and I’m watching my friends in other places experience some of the most textured and exciting parts of their lives while mine just seems to be passing me by. I hope gratitude and meditation and shifting my focus will help, but I don’t know if those things will be enough

I love blowing people’s minds by telling them that Harmony Korine is an Iranian Jew lol nobody believes me but I think it’s the funniest celebrity claim to fame that we have