SHANE & ILYA + parallels

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@zaashton
SHANE & ILYA + parallels

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Shane Hollander and his scary, imperfect, uncomfortable, life changing coming out journey
okay it has to be said
i canât believe we got the phone call blow job but not the i love you sex
i also canât believe we got the set up for it but didnât get shane saying âya tee-ba loo-blueâ
so much was brilliantly done in this ep but i gotta get out those little disappointments before i go to bed and wake up to gush
Also Iâm a little sad we didnât get the âI will put candles and ask you to marry me for the citizenshipâ joke đ
I know itâs not fundamental but I think its very cute that when Shane actually asks Ilya to marry him, he actually creates that scenario putting candles all over his apartment
I love how, once Shane decides that he wants this relationship with Ilya, nothing will stop him from being into it 100%. When Ilya jokes about how this is just Shane enjoying being bad, Shane doesn't let it stay at that, because this is real for both of them and he needs Ilya to know it. When Ilya says he's thinking about signing with a Canadian team instead (to be closer to Shane, to lock in a Canadian citizenship instead of a Russian passport), Shane starts obsessively thinking about it and comes up with the plan for the Irina Foundation and how they can ease up the rivalry narrative. It's the middle of the fucking night and he's waking Ilya up because he's so locked tf in. When David stumbles over them and Shane freaks the absolute fuck out, that he's so terrified he feels like he's going to die, he never rejects the relationship with Ilya to try to protect his relationship with his parents. He leans onto Ilya instead, leans into Ilya's touch and tucks his face against Ilya's shoulder, puts his arms around Ilya's neck, confesses how scared he is, seeking shelter with Ilya. When Yuna says, "But you hate him.", Shane says, no, actually he loves Ilya. This isn't just fucking around, he needs his parents to know that it's not just something real, but that he loves this man. He won't downplay Ilya even to his parents. Shane struggles to come to terms with a lot of things, he can make a lot of missteps because he's an anxious flower, but once he gets there, he is THERE. He puts his whole heart into this. Yeah, Ilya may have fallen first, may have said the words first, but never doubt that Shane Hollander is a competitive freak and CAN and WILL put just as much of his whole entire soul into this relationship as Ilya does.
HEATED RIVALRY -> 1x06 | The Cottage
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Heated Rivalry 1.05 'I'll Believe in Anything'
This scene was perfect
"Ilya. They can see us."
This will end me
shane with his girlfriend vs with his "rival"
Hudson đĽš
âCall your girlfriendâ Skam đ¤ âAll the things she saidâ Heated Rivalry

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Me rereading Heated Rivalry from chapter 16 after yesterday episode cause it seems that my brain wonât function properly and wonât remember that those two idiots will get married and have their happy ending so maybe this will help with the pain I feel in my chest đĽ˛
I honestly cannot understand how you can hate on Shane or Ilya.
Last ep you were hating on Ilya for being âcoldâ, now on Shane for leaving.
They are both struggling with whatever is going on between them, something they labeled âcasualâ but that they both feel is so much more and they donât know how to deal with it. Of course they are both going to fuck up.
Shane panicked and left when Ilya called him Shane cause it was all too much, cause his feelings got too real and he thinks heâs not reciprocated (five seconds earlier Ilya was telling him about girls and Svetlana and finding some other girl to sleep with).
Also, Shane clearly hasnât come to terms with his sexuality, he has so little experience, his life is all about his job, Ilya is the first man heâs ever been with and probably the only person he ever felt such feelings for and heâs fucking SCARED
So of course when he got the chance to be with a girl that he liked, he hung on that feeling and hoped it could be it, hoped he could have a âââânormalââââ relationship, like everyone expects him to.
And my heart broke for him when I saw the look on his face while looking at Ilya in the club, cause he realized that all of it wasnât enough, that he was just lying to himself
HEATED RIVALRY - SPOILERS IF YOU HAVENT READ THE BOOK
I honestly liked the Scott and Kip episode, I think it gives a nice backstory so we donât just see Scott kissing his boyfriend on tv out of nowhere
But Iâm thinking how the rest of the story will play out?
Cause thereâs still so much that has to happen between Ilya and Shane 𼲠and we only have 3 episodes
Actually 2 if weâre not counting the last one that I hope will be totally dedicated to Cottage time (I mean thatâs the title lol)ďżź
We still have to see:
-Tuna melts
-Rose and the club scene
-all star weekend
-Ilya going back to Russia (and I know weâll get THE call but I also hope weâll get the Skype call/glasses video call)
-Shane going to the hospital
-the Stanley cup final and Scott/kip kiss + Iâm coming to the cottage
I hope weâll get everything đĽšďżź
Jacob Tierney on Shane Hollander and Hudson Williams' performance.
Absolutely
You donât like Shane Hollander? Do you think heâs a self-absorbed, selfish jerk? Do you think he doesnât love Ilya as much as Ilya loves him? Do you think he doesnât deserve Ilya Rozanov at all?
Congratulations, you might be entitled are damn lucky, and you better make a thank you gift to whatever deity you worship because you have never ever had to live with mind-crippling fear.
Because, believe it or not, thatâs Shaneâs reality. Shaneâs so fucking terrified all the time. In all his life. Do you remember losing the Junior World Championship felt like he let Canada, a whole country down? At the age of 17?Â
I got you, no worries. Itâs so easy to fall for Rozanov (just ask Hollander about it). Heâs handsome, heâs funny, he's a larger than life rockstar bad boy, secretly having a heart of gold and a traumatized childhood. Romantic wet dreams come to life. While Shane⌠is boring. Polite, quiet, hard-working, so very private. The golden boy of Canada, the NHL star all mothers want for her daughter, knowing sheâd be in good hands. No one dreams about a guy who can talk your ears off about hockey âfun factsâ but knows shit about your favourite singer. Well, or maybe just a very few of us do. Those damn freckles and dark eyes.
I yelled at Shane so many times when I first read the books. That was my first instinct, I couldnât help it. During HR: âOh gwad, why are you like this? Why canât you accept you are into men? Why is it so hard? How dare you run away when the Ilya Rozanov made you tuna melts and called you sweetheart? OMG you really dating Rose? After all this? I canât believe you! You are a coward!â And while I read TLG, I was sometimes so angry at him âCanât you see Ilya is suffering? Canât you see what he gave up to be with you? Why canât you appreciate or at least acknowledge any of his sacrifices?â even before the boxing day fight happened.
But you know what. I started thinking, and wow, this works wonders!
Because I realised how fucking scared Shane was. All. The. Time. Carrying the expectations, whether they were set by himself or not, the performance, the anxiety, the need of control, the eating disorder, so much internalized homophobia running deeper than the Mariana trench, living every day in a toxic environment .
Hollander made hockey the core of his personality. He is a hockey player. If heâs not a hockey player, heâs nothing. And a hockey player canât be gay. A hockey player can be an asshole, can be an alcoholic, a dirty fighter, a rapist, can have 6 kids from 4 women, whatever, but he canât be gay. Iâm sure if whoever would have come out to Shane from his team, from NHL, personally, Shane would earnestly support the hell out of him. But this doesnât apply when it was about himself, because he wants to be the best hockey player, and once again, (at least the best) hockey players are not gay. Deadly sin. Unacceptable.
So when he started to discover that yes he, in fact, might be gay, you just canât imagine the level of freaking out he had. He felt like he had no one in the world to talk about it. It shuttered the whole picture about himself, the very core of his personality. Tell his parents? He canât risk them being disappointed in him. Oh sure, they would support him, but Shane might have thought they would be upset if it turned out their son was not the perfect hockey player they were always so proud of. Remember he couldnât tell them even after he came somewhat clear with his feelings months before the cottage? That it had to be David accidentally finding out about them to make Shane face his parents who loved him the most in the world? Should he come out to friends? What friends? Shane didn't have friends outside hockey until Rose - can we take a note that the first person to whom he ever admitted heâs a hole, not a peg, is completely outside of hockey, and isn't interested in Shane as a hockey player? - his friends are fellow hockey players, and here we are back to square one.Â
Then his relationship with Ilya was so stressful. He not just had to wrestle with his gay awakening, he had to handle the whole sneaking around thing. Ilya thrived in danger, while Shane very much did not. He is bad at pretending, he felt guilty about it, he was terrified out of his mind someone would find out their secret and it would end their careers - and once again, if he is not the Shane Hollander, heâs nothing. Itâs a fucking existential crisis to him, especially in the beginning. And yes, he still couldnât talk about it to anyone. Ilya was lonely, but so was Shane. Different reasons, same outcome. Yes, it changed a bit for the better to Shane, with his parents, with Hayden and Jackie knowing about them, but the fear of being discovered and the consequences were just as serious to him.Â
Was Hollander self-absorbed? Was he too wrapped up in his own head? Well, yes, a bit, I allow. But listen. Living in constant fear fucking narrows your mind to the point you canât function properly. It's a mental health issue. It's a condition. You are scared, terrified even, you feel like you have no control of the situation - what do you think Shane's âperformance dietâ came from? - you are under pressure in every possible way, you either lose the love of your life or the carrier which you worked so hard for, your beloved game, which is just as part of you as your lungs, as long as you can remember. Because certainly you canât have both, and itâs fucking unfair, but thatâs the way it is. Do you really shame someone under these circumstances? And Ilya didnât tell Shane everything about himself, but Shane still notices some things. He notices how sad sometimes Ilya looked. Heâs not completely unaware of how this kinda half long-distance relationship with a scattered schedule affected Ilya. Shane feels it too. He also suffers. He asked Ilya if he was okay, and Ilya didnât give him a straight answer.
Do you know how big a step was for Shane to come out to his team? You just canât imagine, because that alone potentially could end his career, even if they didnât know about Rozanov. Do you remember how the other few people who dared to come out after Scott Hunter were elimanted? The Europeans had to go back to Europe, the Americans were âretiredâ or did not have ice time at all? Pretty sure Shane wouldnât get away with it if he wasnât The Shane Hollander, Hall of Fame aspirant, and Montreal was just smart enough to shut up and keep it low instead, not partially because Shane didnât want any fanfare about it.
So Shane was ready to give up everything for Ilya before TLG. Did you get that?
That he didnât have to right away, was just because of all his hard work on ice, his sheer talent and private personality. So he was like, âI was lucky once, I canât be lucky twiceâ. Thatâs why he was so alarmed to be seen with Ilya outside official events. That would have been the last straw.Â
And in the end, he was ready to make that last step. They would have come out by themselves, by their own terms if not that stupid fanmail video, and all the shitshow which followed.Â
Shane separated himself from hockey. For Ilya. He overcame his fears, he combated with his crippling anxiety, he fought himself and won, he changed and rebuilt how he viewed himself, who he is, from the scratch, because he loved Ilya.
He skipped his own shadow for Ilya. If itâs not true love, then I donât know what it is.
@dntat-makesthings, @shanehollandertwentyfour anything you might want to add?

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thinking about the celebrity/star athlete aspect of the burden of keeping their relationship a secret, and the long game goes into it more where obviously ilya wants to tell the world but the way shane resists doing that doesnât mean he loves ilya any less, bc you have to remember that everything they have been doing is already WAY more than shane would ever allow himself to do with how much pressure and eyes are on him. like shane even being in a relationship with ilya even in secret is showing how much he is sacrificing and he does not take that lightly. and ilya respecting that is so important even though they fight about it and the line when ilya says âi already chose you hollanderâ shane actually did choose ilya too - hockey is the most important thing to shane but he constantly puts his relationship with ilya first even though he knows it could blow everything up. just bc its not in public doesnât mean he isnât doing that !!!! ahh
Hudson Williams as Shane Hollander HEATED RIVALRY | OLYMPIANSÂ (1.02)
My perfect Shane đĽšđĽšđĽš