A part of me is saying I need to let you go. As if it were so simple. As if I’m not comprised of abandonment issues, attachment issues, and the light in your eyes, intertwined between my ribs. They have splintered into bone. Fragments of the love you once held for me, are all I can feel. With every exhale, I feel the stab of what I lost. There’s a tightness in my chest since that day. No matter how deeply I try to breathe, I can’t get relief. I so desperately need a release. But all I can feel are the repercussions of my actions. Vice grip to chest. Inflammation is the body’s response to anything harmful. Sometimes I wonder if this tightness in my heart, is my body responding to the pain. My body trying to fix what isn’t tangible. Heart inflamed, and my chest just isn’t big enough to contain it.

One day it will all make sense. One day all the pieces to the puzzle will fit. Those once jagged edges will find their counterpart. They will fit seamlessly and you’ll wonder how you didn’t see this before. How you ever settled for less. And you will understand why you could never force those edges together, bc they weren’t cut from the same board. You’ll find your edges and corners aren’t as complicated as you’ve been lead to believe. You will find someone who will love them smooth again. No more guessing games, the pieces will effortlessly come together to form one. The rose colored lenses will come off and you’ll see everything and everyone for what it truly was. You’ll thank them for coming. You’ll thank them for leaving and allowing fate to complete the masterpiece of your heart.

People always tell me how I’m so hard to read. Stoic has often been used. It’s not for a lack of wanting to connect. but I am written in a language so hard to understand, when all I want is to be understood. I want to be heard, felt. But my skin is like braille to the touch. Thoughts, ricochet, skin vibrating, words lost in the spin. Left alone only with a heavy heart and empty hands. Coming up short, searching for the words I can’t find.