What?

shen jiu burned down the qiu manor and was taken in by a small brothel. he practiced some cultivation under the guidance of a lovely woman who learned from some regular customers. shen jiu is convinced that qi-ge was dead, he didn't allow himself to think that qi-ge had somehow forgotten him. but, he loved working there once he grew up. he helped with security, was able to learn about literature, and best of all, he was safe.

the brothel had a working relationship with a few washer women that were nearby. part of sj's job was dropping off and picking up the laundry which made him familiar with the washer women. so, seeing a new baby in the hip of the very young, very previously not pregnant washer woman, sj was shocked. but, it was none of his business. he'd continue as though he'd never seen it.

unfortunately, sj had never been good at letting things go. sj ensured the woman had food for herself and the baby who seemed to grow at the speed of light. soon enough, the baby was a toddler who was very attached to his jiu-ge, always trailing after him when he visits.

soon enough, lbh was eight. a cultivator noticed that he had potential and proposed for him to enter cqm.

lbh did not want to go, he preferred to stay with his family. something ugly twisted in sj's gut when he heard this. the washerwoman was clearly hoping that sj would convince lbh to change his mind. lbh, so bright and full of life and potential, and so so stupid. sj considered letting him ruin his future. the kid would always be happy. poor, struggling, borderline starving but happy. he glanced at the washer woman, she'd grown thinner and looked nearly green. she was skipping meals in favor of lbh eating more. despite sj's help, it wasn't enough. so, against his initial thoughts, sj pushes for him to go. he says how the three of them would exchange letters. this has lbh looking at him like he hung the stars. it's not surprising that, lbh had begged sj to exchange letters since sj and his mother taught him to write.

so, lbh left. he would be able to send two letters once a month, one to his mother and one to sj. sj rolled his eyes and scoffed at each letter but, though sj would never let anyone know, he kept each one carefully in a secret drawer. sj always sent a brief response. he didn't particularly care for those stuck up hypocritical cultivators but it seemed lbh was being treated well enough. as lbh's first home visit began to approach, he kept mentioning mentioning one particular teacher, joking about bringing him home.

jj still gets the misguided idea that shane has an unrequited crush on ilya. he doesn't know if ilya's straight or what. so he starts to probe and ilya starts thinking jj has a crush on him.

shane nearly gets an aneurysm when ilya very sweetly and carefully goes "your friend finds me unresistable"

its ironic that despite the narrative of shane being so at home and happy and accepted, he is so alone. shane's relationships with everyone, other than his parents and ilya, feels so distant and shallow.

on the other hand, ilya seems like he forms decent connections much faster. it is undeniable that he's isolated and struggling. but when he forms a connection with others it feels substantial.

let me explain my thoughts more, walk with me as i ramble

shane's relationships feel distant partially due to people close to him are questioning his values. the people closest to him are his parents, rose, hayden, and jj. other than rose, these people have all questioned shane.

both yuna and jj questioned whether shane had ever thrown a game. shane? shane who has a strict schedule from his food to his workout to how he sleeps? shane who breathes hockey? that shane throw a game? i love yuna and jj. i think they care about shane but the fact that they even thought that shane would lose on purpose, let alone express that thought is a display of how little they understand shane and how low they think of him.

hayden is constantly undermining shane's relationship. hollanov have been together for YEARS by the start of tlg. hayden has known that they've been dating for atleast three years. yet he supports when jj (with good intention and being misinformed) tries to set shane up with others. that is not just beong protective of your friend, it's almost infantilizing. he doesn't trust shane to make his own decisions nor shane's judgement. hayden doesn't have to like ilya but how he acts is disrespectful to his friend.

shane doesn't even feel comfortable with coming out to his parents. still, its clear that he loves and cares about them and they care for him too.

his closest friend would probably be rose. i love rose and she's done nothing wrong ever.(small edit: she sorta came out for shane. it sorta feels like shane not realizing himself. It's mostly denial but....)

now compare this to ilya. ilya is very alone, especially in tlg. he arguably doesn't have many close relationships. still, his friendship with svetlana seems so deep.

ofc, there's the connection that they both speak russian, they like causal sex, and they know hockey. but it's deeper than that. ilya trusts svetlana so much that when he's thinking about leaving russia, marrying her is one of the first things that pop in to his head. he trusts that she'd say yes, accept his baggage, and understand that he loves shane. then, in tlg, its revealed that they hadn't spoken in years. still, when ilya calls, svetlana gets on a plane and listens to him and keeps him company. bro they're besties.

listen: lan wangji suffered through out his life but he would give the world to his son. yes, he will instill discipline and rules in to lsz but he would never want lsz to go through anything like what he went through. we know that the lans are rich. lwj has lost so many close to him. he would want to give his child everything he could

hollonav go to college instead of straight to the professional league.

shane is on a hockey scholarship. he loves hockey and enjoys his school experience. it's just very stressful. he realizes he's gay pretty quickly. he's even faster at realizing that he does his best work after being relaxed. shane is quick to develop a roster and a schedule where he gets laid regularly. it's good stress relief. it's a good time in general. he doesn't really come out to anyone other than his parents but it's an open secret that he's gay and that he schedules his hookups via google invite. he does keep hockey and his fwbs away from eachother.

ilya is also in university in russia. he goes to canada as a transfer student in his second year. (he and shane go to different schools). ilya is smart. on and off ice. his conversational english is...passable. he understands most things but struggles to respond well. what's giving him the most trouble is the professional technical language that they use in school. realistically, ilya should've gone professional as soon as he left high school. the offers were there. but, he'd promised his mother to have higher education and he kept his promises. staying in russia another few years while getting his degrees was an unimaginable hell. so, he flew to canada and struggled a bit with english and even more french.

while jocks have a lot of leniency, ilya was constantly toeing the line of barely passable grades. until he's not. he starts to slip. he's assigned a tutor and kicked off the ice until he gets slightly better grades. he's pretty lucky since there a few russian speaking tutors who understand his struggle is the language not the content itself.

ilya and shane meet on the ice. they have their rivalry. it helps that their schools were also historical rivals.

they're a bit obsessed with each other.

Honestly, they both play on a completely different level than the rest of them. there are many complaints from teammates and rival teams that they should've just gone pro already. shane loves playing against ilya. there's no one else who pushes shane the way he does. so, imagine shane's surprise when ilya's doesn't get on the ice after shane's been anticipating playing against him for weeks. why is ilya on the bench? is he injured?

shane's team devours ilya's, without him on the ice. shane can see ilya's frustration but he can't imagine that ilya knows how disappointed shane is. shane slips away from his team as they're getting ready to leave. he's not sure what he's hoping for. then, he sees ilya.

when he finds out that ilya is struggling with school. he doesn't think before he asks if he could pay for ilya's private tutoring. ilya thinks shane is making fun of him but no shane is dead serious. he says how he wants to play with against ilya and if thats what it takes, he'd give him a tutor, in exchange ilya better play good hockey.

they fuck. have a real serious fwb relationship. eventually, ilya falls hard and tries to end it. he's stressed about his feelings and cannot handle uni, school, and being in love with shane.

shane, who when they first started hooking up, told him to not fall in love with him. he wasn't even being shady, it's just that it has happened before with people sleeping with shane and catching feelings.shane always feels bad since he usually can't tell and ends up hurting the other person. ilya had laughed it off, promised he wouldn't fall for shane and on the off chance he did, he wouldn't blame shane and would just cut everything off cleanly.

shane is unraveling because he misses ilya so much. it doesn't help that ilya's spotty on the ice because his grades start slipping again so shane can't even count on good hockey.