Don't even think about it if you're gonna be rude

I'm aware I'm seeing this way late, but please feel free to share however you'd like :) I'm always down to know more foods for a healthy kidney life! I'm very sorry to hear about your kidney failure though, I know that's really difficult to go through :( I am wishing you the best and yes, anything I can learn I am always happy to hear about!

So if you’re not on Deviantart the crux of this is, a lot of people come, write these insanely good stories (hey we do not judge here, we never judge here about anything, this is fetish space), then panic because I assume they realize they used their personal emails to make accounts or something just as easy to find someone, get scared they’re going to be found out and judged for it by people in real life, announce they’ve found God and they’re going to get help and you all have problems if you think this ish is ok and they’re deleting everything.

That’s their prerogative, they can do whatever they want. But I feel it’s important particularly in fetish spaces to at least understand a lot of times, this ish isn’t something you can make go away, this is something you’re gonna be into for the rest of your life, denying yourself isn’t going to make your concerns about it go away.

You might be able to hide whatever you’re so afraid of people learning about you, and I think a lot of people end up doing that because they feel they ’need’ to do so to ‘fit in’, but I personally don’t feel like that’s being true to yourself or exploring what makes you tick. No gods no masters in the trash heap that is the messy void of sexuality and how it develops, ok?

So long as you are not maliciously hurting somebody and informed consent has been had and you’re not intentionally manipulating someone with the specific goal of harm, there isn’t anything wrong with letting your mind run wild. Nothing wrong with talking about, writing about, engaging in or being creative about it. People are inherently creative and when you stifle that it oppresses you on the inside and possibly harms you later down the line. You’ll know the people this has happened to because they’re now expressing themselves in very unhealthy ways that are damaging to both themselves and others.

So back to his parody of the trend of people coming and putting out these incredible things then getting cold feet and deactivating everything and claiming moral superiority. Again, you want to do that that’s your prerogative, but it will seem like a cop out to most people who’ve embraced this part of themselves and understand its not just something you can get rid of on a random Tuesday. The most frustrating thing you can to ‘degenerates’ when you claim to be part of them is also claim to have risen above and now you pity and are praying for them. It’s pandering, it’s patronizing. And the ‘I’ve found god now’ thing is done so much it sounds disingenuous and like you’re afraid your mom is going to find your stash of naughty books so thats why you’re bailing.

I feel weird about saying this but here goes: I've always had kidney issues, you might assume that doesn't go well with uh, anything feedism related, and it doesn't, especially because I'm not a huge fan of water but I am a huuuuuge fan of sodium-packed everything, and my kidneys really hate me for that. I thought for the longest time, I can handle that part of me and still be fat, and I can usually! Just not always apparently.

I have come to accept myself so much through this kink, I do my best to advocate for fat in my daily life and on my other blogs because I really fucking hate the people who think being fat is ugly or the end of all times, they've been brainwashed by a lot of environmental factors and I hate that for them. That part of me is never going to change, I have a responsibility and mission to push people to be more accepting because we are such a wide, diverse range of bodies and people, and I know the thing here is fat fat fat I know that, but at our core all of us are our own complicated and unique human beings. Fat isn't an impediment to that, it's a description and it can be a really wonderful thing to a lot of people and I love that.

But back to the kidney thing. So I've had kidney stones on and off since college, they suck every time, I had one come loose a couple months ago (after 4 years of no stones at all I was so proud of myself), and this one was too big to pass on it's own, so I ended up having surgery to get it removed. It fucking sucked and I still have complications from that and it'll be a while until that's fixed too.

In the meantime, for the first time in my life I'm literally afraid of eating, I can eat like 5 things 'safely' (yes I know exactly how that kind of behavior sounds I hate it too) but I can't go overboard on sodium (and you may have noticed sodium is in everything tasty, if you think I wouldn't cry over not being able to have costco pizza you'd be wrong) or there's a chance of more stones developing or getting larger than the ones currently chilling in my kidneys already are.

I've lost a lot of weight (okay not a ton to all the wellness influencers out there but it's about 10% of my previous body weight), and it all feels so weird. Like it's all antithesis to my personality and what I stand for. It wasn't intentional it's the sucky side effect of basically realizing my body has betrayed me and will happily give me consequences because I'm just genetically lucky enough to be predisposed to stone development. And apparently I suck at choosing my own diet.

And I know there's also nothing wrong with weight change, it happens, it will go up and down our entire lives, but this was just so unintentional and every time I get on the scale I start crying cos I didn't think this was going to be me. I don't even like getting on the scale, I hadn't been on one in YEARS until I had to at the ER. This isn't who I came to terms with in my body and my space, this isn't who I love completely and wholly, but she is still me and I have to love her as much as I can cos it's my body regardless.

So, I don't know where I'll be in the future here. I'm certainly not taking this blog down, I might get a spark of creativity every once in a while especially when things...heal down there lol. I still like this stuff, I lurk around here all the time on my other blogs (I like to think I'm slick but tbh I think it's pretty easy to figure out who I am elsewhere), I don't think that part of me can go away. And I've never said I was actively gaining or looking for a feeder or anything either, but it just feels weird. But, I guess what I'm trying to impart here is enjoy yourself to the fullest where you can, you never know when you're not going to be able to, and take care of yourself where to can as well in whatever way works best for you.

20 years ago your mom brings home twinkies from the store. She’s in full blown diet culture so this is not only a shock but also…suspicious, because you’re the only pudgy one in the household. She’s not gonna eat the twinkies; she hates them, she’s said so many times before and has never bought anything of the like despite your pleading. Your siblings, your other parent, any other relatives, they’re not gonna eat the twinkies, they’re all just as immersed as your mom is in their own ways. So who’s gonna eat them? Why did she buy them?

You have a dilemma: if you eat them, which you’d like to cos they look delicious, all sweet and artificial yellow and pillowy and perfect to shove just a couple down your throat and experience a chemical-culinary masterpiece of the modern era, everyone’s gonna assume it was you. You, the fatty, the tubby one, the one who everybody already makes comments about how you should slow down at dinner and don’t eat too many sweets it’ll spoil your appetite (hasn’t happened yet but ok). Of course you’re gonna eat the Twinkies, every fucking person in the house knows it. And they’re gonna make fun of you for it, for enjoying a sweet treat, for the perfectly natural reaction of wanting something yummy. God, shame kicks in and you haven’t even touched the box, you’re not even in a 5 foot radius of the box you’re merely looking at it.

You can’t eat the Twinkies. It’s a trap. It’s a diet culture snare carefully set out by one of its cult followers, patiently waiting for you to walk right into their pit of shame so they can tell you what a pig you are for daring to eat the treat.

20 years ago that box of Twinkies sat in the pantry until it expired (they do expire contrary to popular belief) and nobody ever ate a single one or even opened the box, especially not you, because you were smarter than the average pig. At least that’s what you told yourself.

20 years later Twinkies have been on a wild ride. Lagging sales, discontinued, resurrected by the American public based on nostalgic brand recognition alone, a bunch of different flavors, and now you’re back in the grocery store, in the baked goods aisle, staring at a box of the damn things. They don’t have the same appeal as they did back in the day, but you’re frozen in front of them because the shame of that day so long ago still lingers in your brain, a core memory you can’t escape. You never even ate them, let alone had them at any other point in time, and somehow your thoughts are filled with mean teenagers laughing, pointing, and calling you a fat hog for stuffing your face with boxes upon boxes of Twinkies. Of artificial cream pushing out the corners of your mouth and down your chin, staining your shirt. Of that perfect spongey cake filling your already substantial belly, filling it, filling it, expanding, pushing outwards, making that stained shirt rise up and up and up right past your swollen dome of flab…

As you stand there sweating even in the air conditioned store, that primordial fear morphs into something else. Those thoughts become a much more powerful vision of you surrounded by baked goods, glutting yourself to the max on box after box of cheap sugary goodness. Of getting tired because you’ve unwrapped so many little goodies and shoved each one in your mouth, barely chewing because they’re hardly substantial but absolutely swallowing like you’re desperate to get them down. Needing helping hands to push those treats into you, to rub and poke your swelling gut as you consume more and more and more, of being reprimanded for needing so much…while also being praised for eating so much. For filling yourself to the brim. For gasping through the pain of too much cake and sugar and making sure there isn’t a single crumb or speck left. For being a good little pig who snorts out all the yummy snacks and makes sure they all disappear straight into your fattened, heavy belly. For never stopping until your sides ache and it feels like you might split open if you have a single bite more.

Blinking those visions away, you reach out and grab your first ever pack of Twinkies. Maybe two packs, actually, you never know, the chocolate ones might be better than the vanilla and you need to know. Actually maybe get the banana one too, you’ve heard it’s gross but you won’t know until you try.

I think it’s very interesting from an observational point how there’s people in this space who get uncomfortable with what they’re saying or doing and then completely disappear only to continue popping up over and over again (now why they’re doing this can be innocent or malicious but for my argument I’m going with the innocent side, fuckers who lie about who they are and who just want to do fat chat to get off then disappear into the void and do it over and over again to unsuspecting people can get fucked).

And this isn’t a call out post, I think it’s normal to feel doubts about yourself and what you like from time to time, but I also don’t believe self flagellation will make you feel better about it long term.

Particularly on deviantart, which is where I notice this most but it’s bled over to other places too. There will be posts people make about how they don’t want to influence people or actually make people fat via digital encouragement so they’re going to delete themselves forever, and those I feel aren’t taking the topic seriously until they truly think about it. They don’t actually like the idea that what they’re doing might potentially influence someone to do something they’re actually uncomfortable with and haven’t addressed why they’re uncomfortable about it yet.

The chances of something happening is about as good as nothing happening. The thing about consuming content is it’s up to the person consuming it to decide what they do with it. That’s always been my stance on writing kink stuff or kink in general. I am not responsible for your decisions at the end of the day. I am not encouraging anyone to do anything harmful to themselves, I am writing fantasy scenarios that I hope are mostly realistic and respectful to the subject matter, and hopefully don’t make people feel bad about themselves. If you like something I write, awesome, if not sorry you had to see it, but ultimately I’m doing it for me because it’s something that I find pleasurable.

Every single one of us who’s into this got into it one way or another. We saw something on tv, read something, heard someone talk about, saw someone or something about ourselves that just made our brains go brrrzzttzzz, etc, and that’s just how it is. I truly believe if you’re really into something, you will eventually find your way to it regardless of how it’s found.

But I feel it’s important to think about it and its consequences through before engaging and putting things out in the world if it is something you’re still unsure of. Doing so minimizes chances of feeling guilty and shameful and putting yourself through the wringer about it later.

And yes, not everyone can or will do that, I understand that, but if you’re feeling weird about this kink/lifestyle/whatever it is important to understand it’s not a joke to most of us.

It’s not something that can be easily reversed or changed because the majority of this kink isn’t 24/7 stuffing, anime girls the size of houses, grease, and tummy rubs (shocker, I know). It’s just existing. It’s real life problems and concerns and dealing with those at the same time. Most of us are out here being decent enough people. Most of us are seeing the in real time decline of the body positivity movement in the public media space and are understanding this affects us both in stigma and in how people will interact with and continue to label us/this a super taboo fetish/spectacle that can only be ‘appropriately’ viewed as entertainment, and that does indeed hurt. A lot. To be considered an embarrassment rather than an actual person with feelings. So I do believe when people start guilting themselves about this topic it’s more than likely because they’re suddenly realizing the subject at hand is about real people at its very core, and until that moment they hadn’t been thinking about it as a realistic possibility.

So yes it is important to think about the consequences your interactions and contributions may have beforehand, because if you’re continuously uncomfortable with your own mind and want to disappear every time you realize it, it’s not gonna get better. It’s going to internalize your feelings of guilt more deeply.

If you don’t want to be a part of an alternative culture, if you don’t want to admit you like larger bodies or enjoy your own larger body, if you can’t convince yourself to publicly care about this group, but you do find it fun to get off to and that’s it, fine. But it’s probably going to harm your mental health in the long run if you can’t come to terms with your internal feelings. Fat people are going to continue existing regardless of what you do ❤️

Don’t be fooled.

There is a bulging tummy there, hidden behind 3 layers of clothing, strategically tucked in just so to create the illusion of flat if you look at it from the right angle.

But if I walk, if I move, if I sit, that triple layer of protection crumbles and you can see a fat roll at the bottom of my belly.

Spilling on my lap, squishing where my jeans think they need to hold it up, invading space and announcing to everyone that I am indeed fat just in case everything else about me didn’t already clue them in.

It’s thick, it’s immovable, it’s never not been present regardless of my weight.

I think it’s cute, I think it’s soft and sweet and squishable and protects my organs, and if I didn’t feel like people were going to comment about it behind my back which inevitably leads to “are you doing everything you can to prevent diabetes? Are you sure you don’t want to do this diet with me?” type of conversations I wouldn’t need those 3 layers keeping it tucked away.

Out of sight from people who apparently can’t keep their mouths shut for the life of them, who’ve spent their entire lives with body shaming engrained in their very personality even if they don’t mean to come off as rude.

Away from people who don’t, and won’t, understand.

So I keep it hidden, hide everything away, try not to take up space around the wrong people, don’t ask why they didn’t want to take pictures with me, and I do my best to remember who really matters.

Do I like me?

Do I like my cute fat tummy roll?

Am I okay with myself?

Do I think I’m sweet, attractive, kind, caring, gentle, funny, creative, conscientious and overall wonderful?

Yeah?

Yeah :)

Keep showing up, keep loving yourself, you don’t have to explain or answer if people don’t understand, and of course keep yourself safe when you know the situation wont be kind to you, but never forget.

You matter the most, and what you like and feel and experience, is what matters first :)

(CW: sorry this is explicit)

Goddamn she is incredible. Kneeling between her soft, pillowy, spread-wide thighs on the bed, you look down at the cherubic angel you’ve created with your own hands. She leans back against the headboard, head tossed to one side with a thick double chin that’s got a drip of a strawberry kiwi smoothie running down it and fuck you want to kiss it off her right away.

So you do, hunching over her helpless form, first licking off the sweet, tangy fluid and then kissing her neck so hard you leave a hickey while she moans over how good it feels.

What feels good? Oh, everything. You see, she’s cradling a taut, round belly that already pouts far over any set of panties, that feels way too full at the moment yet just right to her. It’s been crammed full of cookies, pastries, decadent bits and bobs off an expensive charcuterie board, and of course the aforementioned smoothie. Forty-eight ounce King-sized smoothie, of course.

Her body’s tingling from her head to her toe, euphoria washing over her because you may be kneeling between her thighs, but one knee is definitely rubbing a specific spot between those velvety soft legs and making a mess you’re eager to clean up later.

And while your mouth is occupied with her neck, your hands have been free to roam. They’ve joined hers on her massive tummy, fingertips pressing deeply and jiggling all that fatty tissue. They’ve wandered to her plump breasts, toying with them and knocking them this way and that since they don’t rest on top of her gorgeous, stretch-mark laced gut anymore. No, they droop to either side and it’s so incredibly hypnotizing to watch them wobble to and fro. Goodness, what a bountiful goddess you’ve encouraged and brought to life.

Yes, your angel is in heaven right now, squealing in delight and doing her best to rut back against your knee. And there you are, everything her body isn’t—thick but hard, muscular but lean. There you are, crowding her, pushing against her, groaning over how good, how soft, how malleable her body feels against you and in your hands. How sweet her skin tastes, how her little pants for air drive you crazy. God you could just eat her up.

And you will later, but right now your lips drag from her sweet, intoxicating neck all the way up to the cute shell of her ear.

-My dad had a serious emergency and has been in the hospital since the beginning of February and he's likely gonna be there for a long long time (it was extremely touch and go at first but as of today I am feeling more confident he will recover eventually), this is a good reminder to try and take care of your abdominal organs regardless of weight because if anything emergent happens to them it is not a fun recovery and there are a lot of complications and unless you're ready to spend potentially hundreds of thousands on rehab (or have insurance that'll cover it) it's going to be a very expensive recovery.

-Still single, but like in a good way I think. I've met many guys while in my exploratory phase, some were awful, some were great, a couple I really enjoy talking to, but you know at the end of the day I'm really enjoying being able to stretch out in my big ass bed and not knocking into anyone lol. Oh and it's so nice not having to listen to anyone snore like they're being choked.

-I traveled for New Year's, it was really cool, no fireworks tho, which was a bummer.

-I am much more comfortable just being fat in my daily life, and I know that's because of being part of this community but also from just embracing myself and who I am more, and I genuinely appreciate it. Sometimes I hear people talking about how being fat is their worst nightmare and it just makes me sad cos dang, it is not the end of the world, I promise. It's fine. It's only the end of the world if you make it that, don't worry so much. Will people treat you differently? Yeah, they will, but that's a reflection of their poor character, not yours. Gaining weight, whether it's just a little or a lot, is ok.

If you haven’t already experienced it, one day someone will come to you with big-eyed, dulcet concerns about your weight and you can either smile and nod while they go on a diatribe about the evils of fat, or you can go “thanks but I’m happy the way I am. I’m concerned you’re not happy with yourself though, how are things?” Embrace being fat.

One day there’s going to be a person who runs for some fancy position of power and their entire internet history relating to fatness will leak everywhere and they will be mocked relentlessly because that’s where we unfortunately are in societal progress, and they can either deny it and bow out in cowardly shame or they can go “yes, and?” And own their preferences. Embrace being fat and embrace liking it, it’s the only path to normalizing and making things better for everyone.

Embrace living a larger, softer, full bodied life. There is nothing wrong with it unless you personally don’t like it. Not what tv tells us, not what our mom insists, not what our diet obsessed friends and acquaintances tell us.

I'm not 100% sure why this was sent to me, my hope is my rant on why I suddenly understood how some people could compare extreme weight gain with blatant anorexia on TV didn't come off as "oh yeah no weight gain is disgusting I'm done with this" because that's definitely not the case. I am fat, I understand the biases, I feel it in how people interact with or completely ignore me in real life, I'm very cautious around people who speak about being fat as a fantasy concept but not an actuality (and it also really comes down to respect and how someone treats people as people, not objects, as well).

(I could go on all day about how AI art and some drawn art does a disservice to fat people on a level but at the end of the day, it's expression, art is how a lot of us even found this kink/lifestyle/fetish/whatever, I cannot express hard enough how it is integral to us even if a minority of it is blatant misrepresentation and wouldn't be tolerated if it was any other kind of discrimination because again, it's a fantasy. Anyway, end mini rant.)

I agree with most of the above though. It sucks being fat a lot of the time, especially away from people who are likeminded and who are supportive and encouraging of you just being you, especially when being represented publicly.

There's never going to be a day where I laugh at people's fat jokes or ask them why it's funny, because it's not. There's never going to be a day where I don't bring up the 4 top reasons for ER visits aren't obesity when someone bemoans about how terrible being fat is, because obesity is not on that list and they're not a drain on our tax dollars no matter how many talking heads say otherwise. There's never going to be a day where I join in the unasked for discussions about weight gain and loss around my family, friends, and coworkers, I literally couldn't care less what they weigh (unless they begin exhibiting worrying behavior) and I'm not going to participate in this discussion, it's a waste of time.