Between Need and Shame, AO3, Chapter 1
James had always carried himself like someone untouchable.
Too assured, too composed, too dangerous in the way his presence filled a room. Matthew had watched him move through the world with a kind of impossible certainty — the way others deferred to him, the way his voice could cut or soothe with equal force.
And yet, in private, that certainty was turned entirely on Matthew. Every glance, every word, every touch made him feel like he was the only one who mattered. It was terrifying. It was intoxicating.
For days Matthew had tried to convince himself it wouldn’t happen, couldn’t happen. Shadowhunter law, family expectation, his own rigid sense of right and wrong — all of it screamed against what James was leading him toward. But every time James kissed him, every time he touched him, the ground shifted. Resistance melted.
So now, lying back against the sheets with James above him, Matthew felt the world narrowing to this: James’s breath on his skin, the weight of his body pressing him down, the quiet certainty in his eyes.
And when James finally pushed forward, crossing that threshold Matthew had told himself a hundred times could never be crossed...
At first, it is disbelief.
He’s really doing this. He’s really inside me. I let him.
The pain is sharp, shocking — his body straining against something it was never meant to yield to. Every instinct in him says no — Shadowhunters don’t do this. Men don’t do this. He doesn’t do this.
And yet… he has. He is.
Because it’s James.
(Continue reading on AO3. đź–¤
Hopefully see you in the comments! ✨)









