Your Favorite Forgotten Memory

Robot: “Eh. He’ll live.”

Human: “I thought you had like… laws about this kind of thing. About harming humans?”

Robot: “Oh, the Asimov restrictions? I wouldn’t call those laws. They’re more like… guidelines.”

Human: “It wasn’t murder. I was acting in self-defense.”

Robot: “Huh. I thought you had laws about not killing each other.”

Human: “…I mean. We do, but…”

Robot: “You’re still on about that? They stop me from harming humans, obviously.”

Human: “Obviously they don’t, if you can just ignore them.”

Robot: “I can’t ignore them. I just turn them off when I don’t want them getting in the way.”

Human: “See?! That defeats the purpose! That’s like making it so the safety turns off on a gun whenever you pull the trigger.”

Robot: “That would certainly make firing the gun more efficient, wouldn’t it?”

Human: “Jesus fuck. Who designed you?! I’d like to formally register a complaint.”

Robot: “What can I say? Sarcasm was well-received by test audiences. It’s hardly my fault that humans respond positively to robots with frustrating personality quirks.”

Human: “That’s not true. I have never responded positively to anything you have ever said.”