Haven’t been here in a good while. It’s time I revisit the thoughts of my past for some self motivation..

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@your-sir-always
Haven’t been here in a good while. It’s time I revisit the thoughts of my past for some self motivation..

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There are not enough words to describe how much I loved you, believed in you with all of my heart and stored up more just in case. And it’s silly, the way I would have given everything up for you, how I still question every single thing to make sense of the exact moment it all turned so wrong. Maybe I will always beat myself up over you, us, the win, the loss, the beginning, the end. It feels like living sometimes only long enough to see myself die. And I don’t know how I became this person, who feels so deeply, I break myself in pieces of someone I don’t even recognize.
And I don’t know who this person is, who always falls to my knees, offering an explanation for why I feel or apologize for the too much of myself. That’s who I am. And I shouldn’t be sorry. I am not sorry. I will never be sorry for who I am again or give anyone the power to take me to my knees to bleed out reasons why I am good enough, or scream like a plead to keep someone who runs the other way. That’s not who I am or who I have ever been, but love does crazy things sometimes, and I don’t ever want to be in such an ugly light. Because it hurts a lot. When a connection is severed, everything stops and all the things someone loved about you suddenly become all they despise.
They move on without looking back, convince themselves or someone else, that they never cared at all, make light of the feelings that once were. And from beginning to end, it’s all gone. The beautiful parts collide with the ugly and nothing is left. Just you… standing there, trying to keep it together, trying to stay strong, trying not to be the one who creates drama. But understand, it doesn’t matter what you do, you have to be the villain of the story. That’s how some people move on. By letting go hard, like they never touched you, saw you, knew you at all.
Let them go and please, never look back. If someone has to let go like that, in a way that rips your heartbreak open to break it again, they never had both feet in. No matter what you tell yourself, no matter how much they loved you and you loved them, you don’t do that to someone you loved. You just don’t. You don’t tell someone you loved to stop feeling when they are hurting, you don’t turn feelings into drama, but tell everyone else they will find their light again. You don’t listen to other people throwing matches into a fire just to see a show. YOU don’t. But some do.
Please don’t ever lose yourself like that. Don’t ever think you have to harden yourself with such hatred in order to move forward to love again. And don’t change the way you love based on the ways someone tried to tone you down. That’s not about you, love. That’s about them. So, be the crazy one, the one who feels, the one who means it, the promise that doesn’t break, the one with both feet in, and do not ever apologize for being you. Don’t let someone turn your light down, or mock your dark. You control the way you shine. Only you. No one has the power to stand next to you in the same light and say yours looks like shit.
No one has the power to stand next to you in the same dark and pretend yours is an act the curtain never closes for. You shine how you shine. When the tables turn and you find yourself sitting alone in a dark place, you light your heart up and remember how you shine all by yourself. Your heart never needs validation or permission for feeling, shining, or turning pitch black.
Don’t ever let someone scorn you for feeling, especially when they once felt the exact same as you. Light or dark, happy or sad, on top of the world or rock bottom, you hold on to you. Anyone who judges it can let go and leave without lingering around trying to make you feel guilty for being human. That only means they cannot let go yet. But you can! So, go, show me how you shine alone.
— Your Sir, Always.
“It is important to remind yourself that a man’s actions are simply a reflection of himself. Nothing you ever do is deserving of disrespect. A man who does not value you is simply not the one. A man who does not chase after you will never be yours to call home. Remember to stand your ground. You are far too significant to be weighed down by the opinions of a man. You are a miracle. You are life.”
— self-reminder, for when I feel insignificant and small
His ears strained as he dropped his keys onto the table. The house silent except for the faintest of noise coming from the lounge room. With careful steps he crept forward. There it was again, the unmistakable sound of a moan. He smiled to himself as he slipped silently to the doorway. Cautiously he peered around the corner not wanting to disturb her. Again a moan escaped her lips, his eyes widened at the stunning sight before him.
She was angled in such a way that he could see her legs slightly spread apart. His heartbeat started to quicken as he watched her thrust her hips forward. Frozen, he stood mesmerised as her hands moved under the front of her underwear. The low buzz of her vibrator humming away on her clit. “Fuck” she moaned as she stared intently at her phone screen. He couldn’t see what was on the screen but could hear the deep voice of a man saying how good she felt. She looked so stunning, her hair slightly disheveled, her cheeks flushed with just the sexiest crimson glow. His cock strained against the seam of his jeans as he soaked her in. She bit down on her lip, as the vibrator worked a little harder as she pushed it against her. Her nipples straining at the fabric of her top. She groaned getting closer to the climax she craved. She looked so perfect. He needed her desperately, but the voyeur within wanted to watch.
The throb of his hard on reminding him of his own needs. His hand snaking down his thigh he felt for his cock. Using his thumb and forefinger he gently rubbed the swollen head. Over and over his hand rubbed and rubbed making his cock twitch and jump. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. The strain almost unbearable he shifted position trying to gain some relief. The movement caught her eye. “Shit” quickly she pulled her hand out from her knickers. The vibrator still humming away. “Sorry, sorry babe”. She apologised over and over she wasn’t sure why she was apologetic but it seemed like the appropriate response. He walked toward her with a broad grin “I’m not”. She reached down between her legs fumbling to turn off the vibrator. “Well this embarrassing” Her face bright red as she blushed. His big broad smile helped calm her slightly.
Reaching under her chin and gazed longingly into her deep brown eyes. “You’re gorgeous”. He gave her deep, passionate kiss, holding his lips against hers for an extended time. His tongue gently brushing her bottom lip. “Hmmm” she quipped as he gently pulled away. She hadn’t felt a passionate kiss like that for a long time. “Don’t stop” he remarked looking deep into her eyes. “ I want you to keep playing” I can’t” she whispered “I’m too embarrassed”. “Please, I want to watch”. “I can’t” she murmured. But as she stared into his blue eyes she could see the hunger. “Would it help if I played too?” His statement immediately drew her attention to his groin. She could see the defined shape of his cock pressing against the fabric. “How long have you been watching for?” “Long enough” he chuckled. With that he started to unbutton his jeans. In one brash movement his pants were around his ankles. She watched as his cock sprang from its confines. Hard and twitching she couldn’t take her eyes off it. He removed his pants and lifted his shirt up over his head. She had seen his cock hundreds of times but somehow it seemed harder, more potent.
She stared as wrapped his fingers around his shaft and began slowly stroking. The movement of his fingers stroking over the ridges of his engorged head making her needy. “Play with me, I want to watch you cum.” She felt herself succumbing to her needs and obediently reached down under the elastic of her knickers. Her finger finding the well rehearsed dance against her clit. She felt the familiar pulse as her fingertip found her rhythm . “Take them off” his voice stern and demanding, it excited her being told what to do. She quickly eased them over her hips, her eyes catching his intense stare. She blushed as she looked down to see the soaked stain and the strings of wetness as they clung to the fabric. “My god you’re turning me on” his voice dripping with lust.
“Harder, harder” suddenly the phone that lay beside the sofa sprang to life. The loud female voice with an unmistakable pornstar tone. “Fucking hell” she laughed and quickly switched it off. “Harder, harder she joked. Her head rolling back in laughter she turned to see him with his cock now in his fist. His grip tight, he started to stroke himself with more intent. “This hard enough?” His balls rising and falling with each stroke. “Talk to me” she purred. “Tell me what you want”. He stared straight at her pussy without a moments hesitation. “I want to eat you” “I want to push my tongue inside you and suck your sweet pussy.” She found her finger following his words. “I want to take your pretty little clit and suck it between my lips and make you fall apart”. Her fingers pressing hard against her clit. “Yessssss” she breathed. “God I need my mouth on you” he growled ” I need to taste that wetness and feel you cum on the tip of my tongue”. She was getting close, she could feel it building inside her.
Through half closed eyes she watched his hand furiously pumping his cock. The veins pulsing with each stroke. His heavy balls rising and falling with the movement. His hardness making her gasp. “Fuck I want you” he snarled. He moved forward and pushed her back into the sofa further. Temporarily stopping he grabbed her hips and tilted her hips at the edge of the sofa. Her fingers quickly returning to her needy pussy. “I need you to cum for me” he whispered. His pace slowing as he was close himself. She stared transfixed as he squeezed his cock forcing a droplet of precum to ooze from the eye. It slowly cascaded down the ridge. Using his thumb he smeared it over the head making it glisten in the light. She felt her self clench needing something inside of her.
She pushed her fingers into her core, her hips writhing. “Cum for me” she could feel her body starting to tension. Her fingers furiously plunging in and out. He moved forward positioning his cock against her fingers. “ I need to fuck” he groaned his predatory stare only heightening her needs. “I need your cunt.” Those were the words she needed. Her loud moan filled the room as the wave of pleasure washed over her body.
This was his cue. He thrust his flint hard cock inside her with brutal force. She cried out as she stretched to accommodate his girth. The sensation amplifying her orgasm. She didn’t have time to bask in her pleasure as he fucked her through it. With reckless need he slammed himself inside her. He grabbed her by the hips and held her where he needed and fucked. The harshness was both unexpected and perfect. It was exactly what she needed. She could feel her second orgasm rapidly approaching. She whimpered as his balls slapped against her ass with each stroke. “God you feel so good” he panted. She had no words, all she could do is hang on. She felt her breath catch again. “Yes he encouraged “cum on my cock” his deep voice ringing in her ear. She cried out as her whole body contorted. This wasn’t like any orgasm she’d had before. It felt like her whole body was exploding. Her pussy flooded as his relentless onslaught continued. She clawed at his back scratching at him. Her over sensitive body desperate for some relief. “Close” he mouthed as he moaned in her ear. She couldn’t talk. Out of breath she bit down on his shoulder. Another wave building within her. She couldn’t, she can’t. The sound of her wetness filling the room as their bodies collided. Through her dazed eyes she could see her creamy mess covering his shaft. “I need to fill you with cum” he groaned. She hovered on the edge as his pace slowed. He felt his core tension as his balls rose. He ground himself as deep inside her as he could. He grunted as she felt his warm cum explode inside her. She felt her own orgasm roll over this one less dramatic. She held him tight as she felt each spurt filling her every space. Slowly the spurts slowed as he collapsed onto her. Her limp body unable to move. They lay entangled just holding each other, the heat of their bodies comforting. He stayed inside her not wanting the moment to end. She could feel their juices flowing out of her onto the sofa below. “God you’re perfect” he cooed kissing her softly. Still unable to speak all she could do was smile.
Sometimes she just needs to be held. Not held down. Not held by the throat. But really held. Held in warm embrace. Showing your woman affection is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of true strength.

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Some mornings the darkness lurks a little closer to the surface. Some mornings the cravings are for a little roughness. I want to lay you down over my bed, i want to trace the lines your spine downward following the curves of your body. I want to slowly peel your knickers over your hips, down your thighs and onto the floor. I want to kick your feet apart spreading you open, exposing you, this is for me, I want to watch your pussy as I play. I want to brush my hand along your inner thigh, my index finger tracing your pussy lips up and down. I circle your clit pressing it hard against you, I want you to moan for me. Slipping a finger inside you, twisting and turning taking some of your wetness and smothering it around your lips. Finger back inside, harder pushing, adding another finger before removing them, leaving you wriggling and wanting more. Tracing my finger up your bum circle your tight ass, maybe even pushing the pad of my finger inside, just teasing that little bit.
The next feel you will get will be the sting of my hand as I bring it down hard on your bum cheek. I want you to feel the flushed heat of respect. Again, and again and again. In between spanks my hands will roam between your legs, fingering you, sometimes gently, sometimes rough. Smirking at your rose pink cheeks, marked as mine. I will kneel down behind you spreading your cheeks wide and open before diving in to satisfy my craving for you. I will make you touch your clit while my tongue darts inside you.
My zealous ravaging only interrupted by the sting of my teeth as bite at your cheek. I want you marked and I want you to understand my level of desire. Standing behind you, rigid cock twitching before me. I grab your hips raising you to a level pleases me and in one forceful thrust of my hips I am inside you. You gasp at the abruptness and the sensation of suddenly being stretched and filled. Using your hips as leverage I slam myself into you, using you like a toy for my own sexual gratification. Time and time again i pull my cock out till just the head hovers in your sodden pussy before plunging it back in with lustful force.
You begin to moan and while I normal love hearing you moan today it only fuels the savage inside me that wants me to ravage you. I place my hand over your mouth with one hand while the other slides between your thighs. Pushing on your clit, spreading your wetness all over your lips as I feel the passion I am creating inside you. My hand slides from your mouth along your neck before grasping at your breast. I take your nipple in between my thumb and index finger twisting and teasing and pulling it away from your body.
My hand continues to play with your pussy, but you begin rocking your hips in rythmn with me. For some reason this angers me, this is about me. I use my hand to hold you motionless this time I thrust into you with even more vigor. I want you to feel every inch I have to give. My pelvic bone slapping into your bum with a dull thud causing the flesh to ripple with each thrust. I squeeze your breast hard while I remove my hand from your clit. I grab your hair pulling your head back toward me, I bite at your neck and shoulder blades. Growling into your ear making you tell me what you like. I want to take you outside your comfort zone. I want you say the words out loud, make you tell me your dirtiest secrets. The words that you fantasize about at work, in the car, with your girlfriends. Thoughts that are constantly there that you’ve never been brave enough to utter from your lips. I order you to tell me, bringing you down to the basic primal beast that I am at the moment. I claw at your bum clenching it in a possessive squeeze. Your words have turned me on even more, if that’s possible.
I can feel the tension building inside, but I’m not done yet, with one final hard thrust i am buried deep as I can get, I grind myself inside you. I slowly, very slowly start sliding myself out of you, allowing myself a slight smirk as I feel your body trying to push back, trying to keep me inside of you. I walk to the other side of the bed, I grab your hair, lifting your head, I make you look deep into my eyes. I want you to understand my desire, my need to own you. I grab my shaft in one hand and guide it towards your mouth. I want to watch your face as i make you taste yourself on me, taste our passion
I rub myself all over your mouth, over your tongue. Slowly putting it in then out at my discretion before pushing it down your throat. I watch your eyes expand as you try take it all. “suck it” I growl, I now put both hands in your hair and move your head up and down, sometimes just a little, sometimes forcing myself down your throat. Your slurps and sucking are turning me on and i am a little suprised at your vigor for the task. I feel my legs begin to shake, my balls begin to contract and my butt clench. I pull back “open” I order, you dutifully open your mouth, your tongue out ready. I want to watch my hot seed run down your throat. With a few final strokes I aim toward your mouth, a loud animalistic groan escapes as I watch all my perverse anger hit the back of your throat, stream after stream all over your mouth. You suckle at my cock giving it a loving kiss, dreamily looking up at me. You can always tame the beast.

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For a time, it was love, it was us, and it was beautiful..
Remember me, Though I have to travel far, For even if I'm far away I hold you in my heart... Remember Me...

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It’s true, I miss you. Not in an overwhelming way. Not in a debilitating or heartbreaking way either. I just miss you. The soft pangs come in little reminders. A song. A smell. I’ll drive by a place we shared time together or I’ll see a movie is on while I skip channels. You brought a light to my life I’ve never seen since. I miss you and just wanted you to know.
- daily-esprit-descalier