How do I learn to not be crazy
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@glowingcowboy
How do I learn to not be crazy

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saw someone say "an 11-year-old isn't even supposed to know what sex is and if you do something horrible must be happening to you and you need to get out of there" like can we be for real for a moment. have some people honest to god never heard 11-year-olds making sex jokes in their life
and let's be honest. if something bad was happening, good sex ed would help them recognize that. trying to shelter children from even knowing what sex is doesn't help or even work, it actually enables abuse. teach them about consent
Hot take: let's not discuss sexual stuff around CHILDREN.
Let's not sexualize children or even think of children & sexual stuff
Don't discuss sexual stuff with CHILDREN.
They cannot consent.
Children cannot consent and I dont know how many times we have to tell you this.
CHILDREN. CANNOT. CONSENT.
people like you are the reason so many kids can't speak up about being sexually abused. go back to the catholic church or whatever. we need proper sex education and this is dire
oh they're literally catholic. that explains a lot.
sex education â sexualization
sex education â sexual abuse
sex education â child endangerment
HOWEVER
sex education = increased safety through knowledge
sex education = decrease in teen pregnancy
sex education = decrease in spread of sexually transmitted diseases
sex education = productive and necessary
Hello! Literally practicing Catholic here! Raised by Catholic parents since birth! I went through things exactly like this as a child entirely because my parents neglected my sex education due to viewing it as 'scarring' and 'inappropriate'! Please fucking educate your kids about sex and what constitutes sexual abuse! Teach them they have a right to refuse! :)
And let's also say the uncomfortable part out loud here: it's not only about protecting kids against older teens and against adults.
The average age for puberty to start is 11-12, but it is normal for puberty to begin between the ages of 8 and 14. Puberty is only considered 'too early' by doctors and delayed with puberty blockers if a girl is 7 or a boy is 8. And while not everyone experiences sexual arousal in the first years of puberty, quite a lot of kids do.
So, as deeply uncomfortable as it makes adults: some 11 year olds have already been getting horny for 3 or 4 years. And while their first explorations of that feeling often happen alone, some of that hornyness will drive those kids to seek out others to experiment.
So without information, that 11 year old may end up having sex with another kid and may get pregnant. That 11 year old may sexually assault a younger kid, not out of malice but out of simply not knowing that you should not do this to others. The idea that these things will not happen if we don't tell kids about sex is patently false.
I know we don't like to think about literal kids getting horny, but if we ignore the fact that this happens, those will kids suffer because of our cowardly unwillingness to face the facts and to give them the information to stay safe and to be safe to others.
For those who want a source on the age at which people can start getting horny:
The sexual response cycle consists of desire, arousal, orgasm and resolution. People experience the cycle differently.
HOOOOOO boyyyyyy.
Okay. I'm trained in this.
You need to be providing age-appropriate sexual education to children from as young as you possibly can.
When kids are really young this looks like "Yes, that's mummy's vagina. Please leave the bathroom because it is rude to be in the bathroom while mummy is using the toilet. Mummy is placing her boundary, sweetheart, and you need to respect that."
"Yes, daddy does have something different to mummy. What daddy has is called a penis. Yes (mummy/daddy's penis/vagina) is the same as you."
You will notice here that I use the anatomical terms for these body parts. That is for a reason. It helps your child if something does happen better be able to disclose, exactly, what has happened to them. You do not want your child trying to disclose using words such as "secret pocket" or "hidden flower" or "willie" as this can obfuscate meaning. Imagine, if you will, Maisie trying to disclose that Coach Asshole touched her sexually by saying "Coach Asshole stuck his stick into my secret pocket," to a teacher or family friend who does not know that those words are euphemisms. Maisie has tried to disclose, but has been unsuccessful because she does not have the language that she needs.
Now, next.
Children, especially girls, can start going through puberty young. Like, really young. I have taught 9 year olds who menstruate. We need to be teaching these children about their bodies. We need to be teaching boys about the bodies of people who menstruate. There is so much misinfomation amongst grown cismen about menstruation because they are not taught it in school.
We also need to teach children about consent and bodily autonomy from as young as possible. This sets them up that even if they do, unfortunately, suffer abuse of this form they are vocal in their protestations and are more likely to disclose than children who have been taught to accept that adults can do whatever they want to a child's body. Granny kissing little Maisie on the cheek doesn't look that different to Coach Asshole calling his girls at gymnastics "Special girls" and kissing/touching them inappropriately, especially to a child (who, usually, have a much less refined emotional radar and both will cause them to shut down and just accept what is happening. You want your kid to be able to say "No, what you are doing/did to my body is wrong.")
So.
How should adults behave around children?
Firstly - my golden rule of interacting with children is If you have nothing to hide, don't hide anything.
This means when you are interacting with children you always do so in an area where you will easily be visible if another adult happens to walk by. No closed doors, try to minimise rooms without windows, have another adult present.
The reason you are doing this is to make it flag as strange and unusual to a child if an adult tries to get them alone. Safe adults do not do that. By making sure you are transparent in your behaviour, the child is more likely to flag something being wrong when someone is not transparent. You are equipping the child with skills to protect themselves.
They will also be more likely to disclose to another adult that an adult was trying to get them alone.
Secondly - No secrets.
(There is a little bit of an exception to this rule but to begin with, no secrets.)
This leads back to transparency. A safe adult will not ask a child to keep a secret from another adult. If Uncle Jeff is telling Nancy to keep "our little secret" when he gives her extra dessert, then Nancy is prone to believe that keeping a secret from another adult is something she's supposed to do when Uncle Scumbucket asks her to keep his inappropriate fondling of her as "our little secret." Children who see secrets as unusual are more likely to disclose that an adult told them to keep something a secret.
This is also important as grooming usually starts as "we need to keep you getting this special treat as our little secret." Uncle Jeff giving Nancy more icecream out of the goodness of his heart looks a lot like Uncle Scumbucket giving Nancy candy and lollies and extra screentime in an effort to get her to like him and Uncle Scumbucket's secrets are going to move on to "Sit on my lap today, honey, but don't tell your mother. Remember, this is our little secret." And eventually to Uncle Scumbucket asking Nancy to keep sexual activities as "our little secret."
You do not want children thinking that safe adults keep secrets.
Thirdly - this ties in a little with secondly but Teach your child the difference between a safe secret and an unsafe secret.
If you are unsure of the difference yourself -
A safe secret:
Does not hurt anybody by the keeping of it, including yourself.
Is usually accompanied by a feeling of excitement
Has an end date where everyone will become aware of the contents of the secret.
A safe secret is a surprise birthday party, a camping trip, a surprise trip to disneyworld, pizza!
An unsafe secret:
Can hurt someone and can hurt to keep
Is accompanied by a feeling of nervousness or dread or shame
does not have an end date. The secret is ongoing.
You can see how Uncle Scumbucket's secret is unsafe, but also how Uncle Jeff's secret is unsafe because Uncle Jeff's secret does not have an end date. Uncle Jeff's secret is unsafe because it is priming Macy to see Uncle Scumbucket's secret as reasonable, which leads back to the grooming discussed above.
Lastly, and this is very important -
'Protecting' children from having access to sexual education actually does them an injustice.
We do not live in a perfect world.
Bad things can and do happen to children, with depressing frequency. Get me drunk sometime and I'll tell you what I'm legally allowed to disclose of the stories where terrible shit has happened to children I have cared for.
Pretending that they don't happen means that if they do happen, children are unable to recognise and respond appropriately. You are making your child less equipped to protect themselves, not more.
Children who are taught age-appropriate sexual education from a young age are so much less likely to be in a situation of sexual violence than those who are not taught age-appropriate sexual education. Children who are taught age-appropriate sexual education are more likely to disclose if something does happen to them, than children who are not.
Protect your kids.
And for God's sake teach them the words 'penis' and 'vagina/vulva'
stop. analyse that text through the lens of its author's intentions and original historical context. okay now take the author out back and kill them dead and analyse that text as though it were published by your mutual yesterday and is in direct conversation with the contemporary discourse that's most relevant to your life. okay now pick your favorite angle of interpretation and come up with the strongest possible argument against it. now imagine that the text is your best friend and that it means you well and that you naturally give it every benefit of the doubt because you're on its side and you want the best for it. now imagine that the text wants you dead and it'll eat you if you don't eat it first. now pretend that you found this text locked away in a cave with no evidence of when or where it came from and you have to divine its meaning solely through its internal coherence and nothing else. okay now address the elephant in the room aspect of the text you've been ignoring because you find it boring or confusing or uncomfortable and become the number one expert on it. now spend forty minutes assigning all the characters dnd classes with at least three sentences of reasoning each. okay now do the cha cha slide.
do ppl still love unconditionally and endlessly or is that not cool anymore

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I was told that Iâd get used to not having a headphone jack. I still want a fucking headphone jack. I hate that phones donât have them. Itâs stupid and awful and I hate it
part of the problem with amatonormativity is that if you aren't interested in a long-term monogamous relationship people assume you will be a miserable empty incomplete shell of a person so you have to insist on your ability to be genuinely fulfilled by things other than marriage/monogamy/romance/etc. but at the same time society is shaped in a way where not being interested in those things can easily make you alienated, between marriage and reproduction being depicted as natural life stages that everyone needs to go through to be a fulfilled adult and it being considered standard to prioritize your romantic relationships over your platonic ones. and if you ever express loneliness or anxiety or guilt over this experience then people take that as proof that you just need to Find The One to make you realize that all your feelings and desires were actually just immaturity/fear of commitment/trauma this whole time and the societal norm IS the only way for you to be truly happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!
iâm having an edging party but none of you can come
It's so funny when Christians are like "marriage is a religious ceremony bringing together a man and a woman under god!!!" as if people haven't been getting married all over the world under all different kinds of religious systems and beliefs for literally thousands of years. Marriages predates Christianity, how the fuck are you gonna claim that it's a Christian ceremony that YOU get to control?
Anastasia Yarygina

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HÊlène BÊland (Canadian b.1949), Light Catcher, 2012, Oil canvas
AND YET!
Pope Leo is letting American bishops entirely ban trans healthcare for both minors and adults in all Catholic-owned hospitals and clinics, and stop coverage for trans healthcare through Catholic-affiliated health insurance plans!!
People are having surgeries, for which they were on waitlists for years, suddenly cancelled. Hormones no longer covered, their clinicians no longer able to prescribe them. Considering in some states Catholic-owned healthcare organizations make up to a third of the market, as it were, this is a HUGE issue.
Missing hormones. Canceled surgeries. Bureaucratic denials. Late last year the Catholic Church banned all trans healthcare across its sprawl
This has been happening since November of last year, when this vote took place, but no one is talking about it. The rehabilitation of the image of the papacy through Pope Leo is killing me, itâs still the goddamn Catholic Church. You do not gotta hand it to them.
Poul Anker Bech (Danish 1942-2009), Sun Dreams, 1973, Oil on canvas
i always look back in anger but its important to look forward with it also
In another universe I feel a little less like a monster

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Was doing research for an Aromantic Awareness Month post, and I compiled some info on Aromantic History. Thought I should post it here too
13th century - Beguinage: to house religious women who lived in community without taking vows or retiring from the world Qing dynasty (17th century) - The Golden Orchid Society: included women who married other women and women who did not wish to marry, have romantic, or sexual partnership Late 19th century - early 20th century - Boston marriages: the cohabitation of two women who were independent of financial support from a man. Some of these relationships were romantic in nature; others were not 1979 - Dorothy Tennov spoke of ânon-limerantâ people in her book Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love, and recognized that romantic and sexual love were not necessarily linked 2002 - Possibly the first use of the word âaromanticâ on Haven for the Human Amoeba 2005 - Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage by Stephanie Coontz discussed that historically marriage wasnât originally about a relationship between a man and a woman, but about making ideal relationships such as having desirable in-laws, strong alliances, and increasing that family labor force. 2006 - the word "aromantic" used on the AVEN forums 2010 - The term "queerplatonic" was coined by S. E. Smith and Kaz 2011 - National Coalition for Aromantic Visibility founded 2011 - First flag proposal 2012 - Professor Elizabeth Brake defined amatonormativity as "the widespread assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship, and that everyone is seeking such a relationship" in her book Minimizing Marriage 2014 - Aromantic Awareness Week suggested (later becomes Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week) 2014 - Second and third (current) flag proposal 2016 - Arocalypse created 2017 - Aromantics Wiki created 2018 - âAromanticâ added to the Oxford English Dictionary 2019 - Aromantic-Spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy created 2021 - Aromantic Awareness Month first observed 2023 - Aromantic Awareness Day and Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Day first observed
Collected the info from: Wikipedia, AUREA, sennkestra on Arocalypse