ghost bird enthusiast

johnny cash's little brother jimmy pennies is 3 inches tall and has a voice only dogs can hear

washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes

It’s a tony soprano summer

What this means

im so sorry that you're doomed by the narrative but i really need you to answer my message on Microsoft Teams

the sewing machine is like if a horse and an inkjet printer had a child

you have to forgive the printer because it's one of the most machine-ass machines we interact with on a day to day basis. that thing says kerchunk. hardly anything says kerchunk these days. you can't get mad at her when she kerchunks up a little.

the “sexy lamp test” but for disabled folks: if you can replace your disabled character with a beloved pet dog that needs an expensive surgery to survive then you have to throw out your manuscript