I Know

bucky: my lawyer matt murdock says it’s ok

Captain America: Civil War was like going to the supermarket for a tin of beans and when you got it home and opened it, it was actually alphabetti spaghetti and you’re like “okay well it’s still good content and I’ll enjoy it but it’s not what it told me it was on the tin”

i dont need a valentine i need 8 million dollars and a fast metabolism

conspiracy theory:  clifford the big red dog is really a dinosaur evidence: tries too hard in his name to get us to think he’s a dog

someone: quit bouncing your leg me: hesitates but continues to lowkey bounce my leg

idea: the joker, compelled even against his own interests to do whatever he thinks would be funniest. the joker may be a sadist with a really shitty sense of humor but even he knows a high-quality punchline when he sees one. his obsession with batman is rooted in batman’s unfailing ability to trick the joker into a better gag that gets him captured. the joker gets chased into a room with plenty of really great hiding places and escape routes, but also a slender pole in the middle of the room. he has to hide behind the fucking pole. he’s gotta. how can he not go for the hiding behind a pole gag. there’s three doors but there’s also a joker-shaped hole in the wall that will make it look like he broke through the wall. it’s a four-story drop into a bakery dumpster full of pies. the joker is obsessed with batman because deep in his heart he knows that batman is actually funnier than he is but instead he spends his time standing on rooftops in the rain being a stoic piece of shit. the joker is salieri, and batman is a mozart that decided to go into carpentry.