Someone somewhere is going home tonight;

That is not the Russian way.

DEAN WINCHESTER

Arthur teaching Merlin a skill that he’s good at because he wants to share it with his best friend and Merlin showing him that he’s learning in return

Hey, are we sure this thing's gonna make it all the way back to L.A.? It's a ten-hour drive… what could go wrong?

Napoleon finding himself in an expected situation during a mission where it would definitely beneficial to his attempt to work this target if he were a widower, except that wasn’t anything they were expecting so he doesn’t have a story ready

That doesn’t mean that he isn’t going to come up with one though, and just to play it safe he decides to take the truth and just move it a little bit to the left, meaning that he starts talking fondly of his ‘partner’ (idk could be a queer setting, or let’s just ignore the existence of homophobia loool) only to work in this sob story about how he tragically died and how much he misses him, how he wakes up every morning and looks at Illya’s favourite mug all alone and abandoned and it makes him so sad that it will never be used again, “I have kept his favourite watch, it was so important to him, it’s on my bedside table *sniff sniff*”, etc. etc.

And meanwhile Illya is just listening to this shit like o_o

Needless to say, they Do Not talk about it, because when do they ever, and the whole thing was just very weird anyway, best to leave it alone.

Except it kinda. keeps happening.

Like Napoleon needs to distract someone by having dinner with them, and to get out of the “date” he decides to go down the “my partner is dead and you keep reminding me of him, let me just cry a little into my spaghetti” route. In just about any situation where crying his way out of there should work, he goes for it, and usually Illya is listening because he’s paranoid and he tries to give him microphones as often as he can.

Just. the embodiment of the “QUIT TELLING EVERYONE I’M DEAD” meme.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this but I do believe that:

1) Waverly would find out about it and he would act all shocked to see Illya alive to make fun of them;

@cha-melodius YOU CAN’T SNEAK THE WHUMP IN THERE AND EXPECT ME NOT TO ROLL WITH IT

No because that would be great

Like, Illya wakes up feeling like shit and Napoleon is there looking all shaky, with his clothes and hair all messed up and giant eye bags, and he’s acting so weird, there’s so much tension in the room—so Illya figures that he should do something to break said tension, right? So he cracks the joke about him almost having a real story to use and Napoleon loses it (I know I’ve written a similar scenario in a fic already but ssshhhh I just love it)

Poor Napoleon is there crying all over the place and sobbing his heart out because he had been so worried, and having put so much thought into what would happen if he were gone when shit hit the fan he had so many ready-made scenarios hitting him every five minutes, so now he just keeps rambling (or trying to) about how he doesn’t want an actual story and he was so scared and he literally meant everything that he has been saying during his cover stories—truthfully, Illya almost misses the confession, busy as he is trying to deal with his partner freaking out like that, but when Napoleon starts calming down everything stays very still and quiet for a bit and then Illya goes “no wait what”.