my brother is having a meltdown after receiving this message

(via)

And quite right too.

ALL BOYS DEPLOYED

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes

Marmots fight for snacks. 

Narrator: So one of the things I hate about my brother is that he hogs the bathroom in the morning, (probably because it takes so long to wash and dry his Skrillex hair). So I decided I wanted to change that. So in school we learned about this guy who was able to train dogs to drool to the sound of a bell by ringing a bell each time he showed food. So I decided I wanted to try something similar on my brother. So basically my plan was to place this Perry the platypus thing in my bathroom every day before he woke up, and then I would hide somewhere in there to scare him, so then eventually he’d associate Perry the platypus with getting scared, and he wouldn’t come into the bathroom as long as it was there. So I actually only had to do this for a couple days and, good news! As long as Perry the platypus is there, my brother won’t even set foot in there.

But there’s another trap, that I’ve heard of but haven’t yet experienced. It’s “do you know how fast you were going?” With that one, they’re hoping you’ll say no, because then they can name whatever speed they want – you just said you didn’t know how fast you were going, if you deny the speed they name then you’re lying to them.

Me: Surfbort