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please dont vape your blueberry ice flavor around my kid. we are raising him on marlboro reds exclusively.

im feeling so sensual and nude

fingering his plot hole

this site is so easy

I would take a job pushing the Sisyphus rock if it paid 20 an hour and I could wear my headphones

executed for the crime of asking me stupid shit in this hot ass weather

sentencing will be carried out at dawn because it's the only time it isn't too facking hot to be out side

we need to bring back the phrase "what business is it of yours" in a big way i'm serious

i know you can just say "none of your business" but phrasing it as a question with a jarringly formal tone is the ideal way to shoot an overfamiliar unwelcome overture dead in its tracks and force the person making it to confront the boundaries they're taking for granted + it would really piss people off which is funny

&also it allows you to experience the joy of talking like an autistic vampire, which i highly recommend

I love the concept of exile. Like dude just get out

there are places in the world today that are experiencing 40°C for the first time in recorded history. of course there's no way to know whether chucking billionaires into volcanos will appease the sun god but i feel we're doing the scientific method a disservice if we don't at least try

every year around late may, without fail, this post starts getting notes again . and my little wet raw chicken breast of a brain gets puzzled. because i forget that summer is , in fact. a yearly event

me, making a phone call: god i hope they don’t answer