Seriously, good luck marrying me

"do you have insta?" i have an address where u can send flowers and love letters

it's not natural for candy to be $3.49. candy is supposed to be one dollar

candy should cost a nickel and we should all wear little propeller hats when we eat it

washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes

i fucking hated your shoelaces this entire time

ah doing ma thing just like god int- (remembers im atheist) just like the universe intend- (remembers i don't believe in determinism) just like noone and nothing intended ever. doin ma thang fucking unpredictable style

first in my bloodline to read this much gay fanfiction

I’m lying face down on the floor. Reblog to join.

For Sale: Baby Shoes. Heavy wear, almost as if the baby had been hiking.

being an adult is always like i have to go to the store i have to go to the store i have to go to the store

depressed pickle be like: "i'm gonna dill myself"

i’m like a clown that no one hired or pays