Repost this. Followers/Readers send numbers to your Ask. You write a fic/drabble using that line in your piece. Have fun! Expect a ton of requests!!Â
âThatâs starting to get annoyingâ
âHey, hey, calm down. They canât hurt you anymore.â
âYou canât just sit there all day.â
âIâm too sober for this.â
âIâm not here to make friends.â
âI need a place to stay.â
âWell, thatâs tragic.â
âYouâre seriously like a man-child.â
âYou canât banish me! This is my bed too!â
âThe ladies love a guy whoâs good with kids.â
âSheâs hiding behind the sofa.â
âTheyâre so cute when theyâre asleep.â
âIâd kill for a coffeeâŠliterally.â
âYouâre getting crumbs all over my bed.â
âGood thing I didnât ask for your opinion.â
âWhatâs the matter, sweetie?â
âI donât want to hear your excuse. You canât just give me wet-willies.â
âIâm bulletproofâŠbut please, donât shoot me.â
âDid you just hiss at me?â
âDo you really need all that candy?â
âItâs six oâclock in the morning, youâre not having vodka.â
âI swear, Iâm not crazy!!!â
âThe diamond in your engagement ring is fake.â
âHow is my wife more badass than me?â
âBe you. No one else can.â
âI havenât slept in ages.â
âI locked the keys in the car.â
âAre you sure thatâs the decision you want to make?â
âYou work for me. You are my slave.â
âTake your medicine.â
âTheyâre monsters.â
âWelcome to fatherhood.â
âWhy canât you appreciate my sense of humor?â
âItâs your turn to make dinner.â
âThe kids, they ambushed me.â
âSorry isnât going to help when I kick your ass!!!â
âStop being so cute.â
âI feel like I canât breathe.â
âYou need to see a doctor.â
âYouâre getting a vasectomy. Thatâs final.â
âI was a joke, baby. I swear.â
âDogs donât wear clothes!â
âI didnât think you could get any less romanticâŠâ
âSafety first. What are you? FIVE?â
âThis is girl talk, so leave.â
âWhere am I going? Crazy. Wanna come?â
âThereâs a herd of them!â
âDo you think Iâm scared of a woman?â
âTheyâre not your kids, back the f*ck off.â
âJust get home as soon as possible, okay?!â
âYou smell like a wet dog.â
âI could punch you right now.â
âAre you going to talk to me?â
âWelcome back. Now fucking help me.â
âIf you canât sleepâŠwe could have sex?â
âFlea markets donât carry fleas, you know?â
âHere, take my blanket.â
âI donât want you to stop.â
âHow could I ever forget about you?â
âYouâre bleeding all over my carpet.â
âNot everyone is out to get you. Stop thinking that. Itâs annoying.â
âJust smile, I really need to see you smile right now.â
âIâm not wearing a dress.â
âIâm not wearing a tie.â
âQuit beating me up!â
âPlease put your penis away.â
âItâs a Texas thing.â
âDonât argue. Just do it.â
âI hope Iâm never stuck with you on a deserted island.â
âDoes he know about the baby?â
âI just ironed these pants!â
âEnough with the sass!â
âShow me whatâs behind your back.â
âIâm not going to be sympathetic until you go to a doctor.â
âFine, donât say anything and make me worry.â
âSTOP INTERRUPTING ME!â
âYouâre not interested, are you?â
âIâm not buying ikea furniture again.â
âTell me you need me.â
âOh honey, Iâd never be jealous of you.â
âIâm telling you. Iâm haunted.â
âI had a bad dream again.â
âHave I mentioned, I fucking hate Halloween.â
âItâs Christmas, donât be mad at me.â
âYouâre not going to starve yourself on Thanksgiving.â
âThe store ran out of Easter eggs.â
âHow could you forget your sonâs birthday?â
âYou can only suffer through my whining for so long until you get up and make me a sandwich.â
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