Damn dat ass

I dont think we give dogs enough credit for how brave they are for going face-first down the stairs

Eye contact can hit you like a bullet.

broooo i was kidding when i asked you to move to a rural italian village with me and start a new life lmao. deadass bro. unless…

i am the shyest attention whore ever

I want attention!!! If you’re not busy… And you want to…. Its okay if you don’t

I'll do it for you, creamy

dont be embarrassed about something u enjoy ok 

why did i put up with shit from teachers playing god in high school. if a college professor tried to stop me from getting up to go to the restroom or get a drink of water i’d literally just say “no”, walk out the door, and go see a movie instead

stop asking me how everything is going, i don’t know i’ve been ignoring it

reblog the Don Draper of getting a job he’s unqualified for and you’ll have 10 years of getting jobs you’re unqualified for

YES

Confidence Helps

I sent this into a group chat once and a guy flipped out at how my sense of humor is horrible and kicked me out of the chat

My friend just told me he was in a conference call and his coworker meant to say "shoot your shot" and accidentally said "shoot your load" to like 25 clients and they all turned off their cameras and microphones to laugh for like 2 minutes.