♥️

Love says: I’ve seen the ugly parts of you, and I’m staying.

I need a life that isn’t just about needing to escape my life.

1. Learn to love yourself first. this isnt to say you have to love yourself to be loved in return, more that you are going to keep accepting crap you dont deserve if you dont love yourself. No amount of outside love will fix you nor your self loathing. That is all personal. You are worthy of love. You arent just what you can do for someone else. You arent a prize to be won. You dont have to be perfect. And while “they” may not see your value, you can learn to see it in yourself and you will always be strong and loved then. 2. Your father are not the end all be all. No you dont have to do everything he want you to do in life. And no it isnt worth it to sacrifice so much of yourself. Having nothing isnt that scary and you can do it. Do not stay in such an abusive and toxic situation. GET OUT. 3. Not everyone deserves your time and attention. Im not going to tell you that whole bs “not everyone deserves forgiveness” or “not everyone deserves love” because I dont agree with that. I think that everyone deserves forgiveness and acceptance that it happened, but if it is truly awful than I also dont think they deserve to be in your life. You are worth more than that and you do not have to put up with being pushed around, disrespected or abused. 4. You cannot control what others are going to think or do. Sorry kid, its just the way it goes. The only person you have any control over is you. And if you truly love and accept yourself, what they do and say wont matter. After all, most things have nothing to do with you in the end and are just self projection of their own self hatred. 5. Stop with the gossip and shit talking others. I know its easy to get sucked in, but dont. Just dont. Its not worth it. Yeah you may think it, but dont say it. As for gossip, that is such needless crap. Dont air other peoples dirty laundry. Dont intentionally make them look bad. And if someone is an ass, dont drag them through the mud with others. I know that asshole is… well an asshole, but is what he doing really hurting you? If it is, go to the proper people and have it handled, or leave the situation. You can control what you put up with and you dont deserve to be treated like crap, but be an adult about it, pls. In general, just be an adult. 6. This world is full of hate, you need to unplug from it every now and again. Put the phone down. Turn the tv off. Disconnect from the internet. It will all still be there when you get back, but you need to spend more time with yourself and not seeing what the insane president is doing or how yet again another mass shooting happened. 7. The fake smile will save you. I know you hate your skills of mimicking. I know you feel fake, but girl you will be so happy to be able to have it. They think you are happy and thats great, because you can get through your day easier. Let them think you are happy, but talk to the people that matter. Its sad, but true, happy people are more liked and thus get more opportunities. Take advantage of your gift and use it. That and disengaging is going to be good for you. 8. Who you are and what you need is okay. You are not too much. Its okay you cant be there. Its okay you are flighty and need your freedom. You will find your tribe. You will find your purpose. Stay true to you and your beliefs, it will all work out in the end and you will be so happy and so healthy. Be that beacon of light and love. Stop apologizing for your muchness. 9. Those girls will challenge you and push everything you hold dear. I dont know what to say with this one, because I still dont understand it. They are worth it though. And I know the loss hurts. No one should lose as many as we did, but those two… The big one is full of life and joy and the small one… watch out for her eyes - they know too much. You will not understand your love for them, but damn girl will you love them. 10. Say yes. That boy will be the death of you, but still - say yes. Good god will he be worth it. You are going to love him so deeply and hopefully he will be your best friend forever. The two of you are going to have a crazy, wonderful couple of years and then its going to suck pretty hard. No you wont die, although it will feel like it. Dont give up on him. Dont lose hope. He will come back to you when you least expect it. He needs you just as much as you him, but you have to love him and accept him as he is in that given moment. Dont want or hope for more. Be patient with him. Give him his space when he needs it and be there for him when he needs you. Work hard at getting to know him, how he works, what his brain is like. Girl just trust me. Its a beautiful and complex place and while you think you may know it, you never will. But at the end of the day, he is worth it.

I’ll kiss you. A kiss you’ll never forget. A kiss from the heart that will make you feel how much i love you. I’ll kiss you with so much love that your lips will crave for me.