- Magnus Bane and Alexander Lightwood -Â
                    -The big one-
    The sarcastic tone of voice was easily recognizable at this point to the nephilim male seeing as how this seemed to be the way the two men chose to spoke to each  other now - sarcastic words with a bitter distain to them. There were many people in this world who used sarcasm as a defence mechanism to keep others at bay and not allow them to chip away at any walls that had been built up. But depending on that person and the situation, it was also something heartbreakingly deadly. It was frankly very easy to speak things sarcastically and mean what was being said. But it was the way it was being said which left more of an impact with people that resonated with them. There was always a truth so much more easily spoken rather then just speaking normally. Yet thatâs what got people in trouble. Thatâs what left people fighting harder to rekindle something broken because the sarcastic tone of voice left more of a hurtful impact.Â
 While both Alec and Magnus could be sarcastic individuals at the best of times; even to each other, it was very different right now in this moment. It wasnât coming from a place of playfulness and teasing each other, but rather a place of hurt. Alec could be the first one to admit he didnât know what the actual hell he was doing in trying to cope with this break up. But he just knew he didnât want to hurt anymore. He didnât want to feel the broken parts of him without Magnus. Things were so much easier and simpler without the warlock in his life. The Lightwood felt as if his world had been turned upside down and had done a complete 180 when he met Magnus Bane. And there was no going back after that. Alec knew what he was giving up in breaking up with the warlock after experiencing those early moments of blissful happiness and love. But he was a realist. That was how the shadow hunter was brought up. There werenât shades of grey in this world, everything was black and white. The relationship the two men had together was wrong and frowned upon on so many levels and breaking so many rules. But they didnât care at the time. Not until Alec got his head out of the clouds and realized just what exactly was going on his life. It was just easier to convince himself multiple times that he would have save himself a lot of hurt and uncertainty if the relationship just ended now rather then later down the line when one day Alec might not have even come back after a job. It was entirely possible for a shadow hunter after all.
âIâm sure you could find a loophole in any spell. That is something your species is rather good at, just like the fae.â
   Alec indicated. He had seen the warlock first had find a loophole in a spell or two so it wouldnât be anything new for him. Warlocks could be tricky individuals, just like those fae. The difference was, Magnus was the high warlock and had a little bit more power and knowledge. If he put his mind to it, Alec was more then certain he could execute the plan. He was just choosing not to. Perhaps despite what he was saying, he actually enjoyed people bursting through the doors of his apartment unannounced and giving him a lecture of some sort. It was entirely possible. The only ones he would probably be more kind to in shooing away were Clary and Isabelle. Aside from being female, Magnus helped raise Clary in a way. He had been around her since she was a young girl and a grown up nephilim now. And then there was his sister Isabelle. She just enjoyed her brother and the warlock finally coming together and seeing how they both shined as bright as the sun and illuminated as bright as the moon that she didnât want to see them part ways. Alec didnât know exactly how many times those girls had ambushed the warlock, but he really didnât care. He didnât care who harassed Magnus with lectures because Alec was getting the same thing and getting equally, if not more, fed up. The shadow hunter had a shorter fuse then usual these days and it was never something should be tested. Alec didnât care if it was his parabatai or his sister, he didnât want to here any lectures from either one of them or Magnusâs children dropping by and making their opinions known. He was trying to run the New York Institute, despite people sticking their noses in places where it shouldnât be. He couldnât focus on the feelings of his ex boyfriend by any means.
âIf thatâs the case, then I guess youâll be working in the Labyrinth whenever that time comes. Itâs not like we study the way of your kind in detail. All we need to know are the basics.â
   He answered back. He could speculate all he wanted what Magnusâs immortal life was going to be like without Alec in it anymore, but itâs not like the outcome ever made him feel better. Whether he was in the Labyrinth or not because he didnât want to love anymore wasnât something Alec should be concerned with.
âThatâs all just a fantasy Magnus. Youâre not being realistic about this relationship. Shadowhunters and warlocks canât live a long and happy life, it just doesnât work. But I know I wonât be the last person you love since there seems to be all sorts of things wrong with me according to you. Your little memory box proves as much that youâre pretty capable of moving on to someone else over time.â
    The nephilim argued back, clearly not satisfied with what Magnus had to say in response. The outcome Alec had decided in his head was one that he was nearly certain would come to pass. It was just the facts that had been presented to him that led him to that belief. He could in a couple years, months, weeks, days, tomorrow - and that would be that. Magnus couldnât die as an immortal. Alecâs life was a game of Russian Roulette that left an unpredictable outcomes. There was no such thing as a shadow hunter living a long and happy life. They were lucky if they got to even have one of those things with someone, but getting both wasnât something common. Especially when half the time it resulted in an arranged marriage which is what Alec almost had to Lydia before turning into a runaway groom and going into the arms of a man he began to care more deeply for then anyone else. Back then Alec had followed his heart. But this time he was following his mind. The heart was a funny thing - and much more complicated. His mind was more rationalized and tactical since this is the way he was brought up. Alec leaned into what he knew. He just had to crawl out from that unknown territory he found himself in with Magnus Bane, although it was much easier said then done after having tasted that kind of forbidden fruit.
   As much as Alec would have relished in knowing he could be the last person Magnus would ever open his heart to, it wasnât something he chose to believe. The selfish part of him wanted that though - to be Magnusâs one and only. But the part that cared for the magical warlock still wanted him to find someone who could love him enough that wouldnât do what Alec was doing right now - breaking their hearts. He wanted Magnus to find someone to spend his immortal life with and be happy; as much as Alecâs behavior and words said otherwise. The nephilim wanted the best for his ex boyfriend even if it made the Lightwood miserable in the end - not that he wasnât already miserable enough already. But it was easier knowing that Magnus would just move on and find someone else because the nephilim wasnât good enough for him.
âExcept the difference between you and me when it comes to relationships is that I donât have the time or energy to put myself through this again. I never thought of getting into a relationship with another person, nor did I want to. It was just a distraction from the mission. But you were unexpected in so many ways that I did begin to think of being you for the rest of my life.. I had it all thought out at one point.â
   Alec let slip as he found himself reminiscing towards the end of his words in a more softer tone of voice as opposed to the more harsh one that seemed to come out full force whenever Magnus was around these days.
   There was a certain reputation Magnus Bane had that Alec was very well aware of that would lead anyone to think that falling in love and wanting a nice long and happy life together was not in the agenda of the warlock. Anything short term seemed to be the more likely route to go down for him. Yet it was very much the opposite when Magnus fell in love with someone, it was like the rumors and stories that were led to be believed about him werenât entirely true and there was more to the story that clearly only a few individuals knew about.
Only the ones that served to be in the warlockâs memory box knew who the real Magnus Bane was under all those stories. Alec felt like he did too, but they two of them were from two very different worlds that the future he wanted with the warlock and thought about whenever they woke up next to each other or holding hands in another country was something unattainable for him in the long run. A short life was all he could offer Magnus. He couldnât offer a long and happy life with him because his future was so uncertain. And quite frankly, he could live knowing he could have a bad day with Magnus and then end up dead that day. Or even having a good day and end up dead the next. It wasnât a game of chance he wanted to play with their hearts anymore. And coming across that memory box of the warlockâs just seemed to put things a little bit more into perspective as to the lives Magnus had lived on his own and with other people. There were more lives he could live after Alec Lightwood.
   With the amount of questions that suddenly just spewed off the Lightwoodâs tongue, he had no idea which one he wanted Magnus to answer first. He probably didnât even give him enough time to digest it all before coming up with some answers. But the warlock seemingly always had an answer to everything which is what the nephilim was banking on. Yet the main issue the two males had and would forever have, was what they were - mortal and immortal. There was no future for two people like that. It wasnât something Alec could simply get over and accept. He had tried that so many times whenever the thought of it suddenly made an appearance before it became something continuous. It was much too difficult to ignore by then that it was all the shadow hunter could think about half the time. This future he once thought he could have with Magnus just seemed to dwindle away further and further as the insecurities of them being together became more dominate.
   There was much to appreciate with how patient the timeless warlock was with the shadow hunter who found himself coming into a new life. Magnus had the patience of a saint with Alec. The Lightwood was awkward, confused, insecure and nervous who was basically a virgin in every sense of the word when it came to being in a relationship and being a boyfriend that Magnusâs reputation and experiences was more the enough to be intimidating. But the stories didnât line up with the way he was with Alec. Maybe it was just for show, but Alec knew it was genuine. He felt it. The love they shared between them was far from a lie or trick. Alec knew that what he got into with Magnus was fast and made his head spin with pretty little things. He quite literally fell head over heels in love with Magnus Bane; as the expression went. And he knew he fell hard and fast for this man - so much so that he ended up going to his little sister for advice about sex.
   Sometimes it was funny to believe that Alec could be a first for Magnus in more then one thing, but he was. It was something he could recall Magnus expressing in never having dated a shadow hunter until now - and having sex with one. Honestly it was something that Alec would have thought wasnât a first for the immortal, but yet it was. Just like it was for Alec. The two of them were each otherâs firsts in many things that for their worlds to suddenly come crashing down was utterly heart wrenching and made the nephilim want to disappear into the dark abyss and never return back. Only because that was the easier route then being here - then feeling all this. He noticed Magnus still did not look at him which made him tense his chiselled jaw as he blue eyes bore down to the man sitting likewise on the floor across the room.
âIn the beginning your immortality wasnât an issue because I was never thinking of it. You had my trust quicker then anyone else did. Thatâs why I gave you my energy for what you did for Luke since you used too much of yours. I fell in love with you too hard and too fast that I wasnât thinking about anything but us. I wasnât thinking of the reality of what we are. But when I saw that box, things right there and then just seemed more clearer. You canât be mortal and I canât be mortal. So what kind of future could we even have?â
   He went on to say in a more calmly matter. The tone of his voice wavered through different emotions as he spoke, as did his eyes.  There was in a certain sincerity of care in the Lightwood and the way he looked at Magnus at this very moment - it was a man still in love with his other half,  but it was short lived as his blue orbs flickered down to the shattered glass at the warlockâs words.
âAnd did you actually think I would used that cursed thing? Iâd rather die in battle tomorrow then to have either one of us take that ridiculous potion.â
    Alec answeredin frusteration. Magnus must have thought he would use it because why even make that cursed potion and then give it to Alec? Did Magnus have so little faith in the Lightwood that he would take the cowards way out?  Because that was far from the person Alec Lightwood was. He was a brave, head strong and fierce person all around. Even in as much pain as he currently was, that was not something Alec was ever going to turn to and her certainly wouldnât let Magnus either. Magnus helped shape Alec into this confident and strong willed person that he would find the will to be brave through this despite wanting to crumble into another world.
   The raven haired nephilim had no idea of the words that were spewing off his tongue all of a sudden -  he just knew he had no control over them as his eyes found focus on both the wall and ceiling. He didnât know what kind of response he was going to get or what he was looking to have happen by saying all that. He didnât expect to win Magnus back or anything of the sort, but he knew the other man would understand these feelings because from what his friends and family had been drilling into his head on repeat, Magnus knew exactly what Alec was feeling. These werenât things he was used to feeling and he could say after experiencing this all first hand that he didnât want to feel this way again and he simply wanted it all to go away. If he could run from it he would. Alec tried to steer clear of the warlock as much as possible, but it seemed impossible. Even in a busy city like New York, the two males still had the ability to cross paths. And for some reason, they could only acknowledge each other in a cold and non friendly manner.
   At this point in time, being friends much less anything else would be a stretch. Maybe acquaintances? Whatever was one step above strangers they could be. But even that seemed like too much of a challenge with the history these two men shared.
Listening to Magnusâs words, Alec wasnât even sure where to start. But he wished he could take back everything he just said and said something hateful instead since that seemed to be a lot easier when speaking to Magnus these days.
âItâs not like you fought very hard to change my mind about the matter, which shows me that you agree with my reasoningâs.â
    He informed him. Magnus did not fight very hard to change Alecâs perspective on the matter when things became more heated between them. Finding that memory box was one thing, but the little vile that contained the memory potion was more of a game changer that had the Lightwood loosing it completely.
âYouâre asking the wrong person about that. Iâve tried to back to a life before you came in, but according to everyone else Iâm not succeeding.â
   Alec mumbled. He was the last person Magnus should be asking about getting back to normal and living his life against without his boyfriend. The shadow hunter was no example of living a life after a break up. He buried himself in work more then usual and took more high risk missions without always completely looking at it rationally and just going in head first. There were probably a couple of times where he could have been seriously injured or died had it not been for whatever person who chose to be his partner and save his ass. Alec would curse under his breath about it.
But Alec also knew the way Magnus had been living which was very different from himself. Magnus surrounded himself with alcohol and parties and was pretty much living up to his reputation from what Alec had been hearing.
   Had the nephilim not been paying attention, he might have missed what Magnus had said because his voice was so quite. Needless to say his words werenât of any kind of solace. He didnât know whether it was a good or bad thing but by the way things had escalated between the two of them - so much so that Magnus felt the need to make a potion to forget Alec Lightwood, he was going to go with the latter option.
The tension between them was still thick and uncomfortable that the nephilim wasnât sure if he was ever going to be able to breath properly again whenever he was in a room with his ex boyfriend. But nevertheless, the answer Magnus gave wasnât good enough for the shadow hunter.
âWhatâs that suppose to mean?â
   He asked in a more level tone of voice as he slowly dropped his head to force himself to look at the mirror image of a broken man in front of him.
Magnus normally couldnât imagine being anywhere else, he had remembered the times when he wanted to be at the Institute, he remembered looking for any excuse to see the Lightwood male but that seemed like so long ago. Now he was doing everything in his power to avoid them but why should he change his life to suit the shadowhunter. That was what it came down too. Why should he be the one to upset his life for these children. After everything they had been through Alec expected him to be the one to uproot his life and make it easier for him to get over with him even though he had been the one to break the warlockâs heart. As much as Magnus could have made it easier on himself by merely taking a holiday away from these people he also had a life here. He had friends here and he wasnât going to leave because a child was telling him to do so.
Magnus was the High Warlock, he was the person in charge and he had worked very hard to get to that point so the Lightwood telling him to leave or to disappear was hurtful in the worst possible way because really he was telling him to give up his life in order to suit the Nephilim and that was a step he wasnât willing to do. But then again they had been sarcastic and harsh with each other a lot lately. With all their friends interfering with their love life it was so surprised they had repressed everything and become a little harsher in life.
âIf there was a loophole I would have found it and used it by this pointâ
Magnus couldnât help but snap back towards the blue eyed male. He was upset and angry and not just the male in front of him but their friends. Magnus had of course being finding their break up difficult and he had been the one who had been broken up with. But this one had been a lot harder than any of the other ones he had been with. For some reason the fact that Alec couldnât see past who he was to date him hurt â he was immortal and a warlock and that seemed to be too much for the Lightwood male given the fact he was just coming out of the closet and a shadowhunter that normally had a short life span. Magnus had accepted every part of him but that wasnât enough for the Lightwood. Magnus was at a loss and he had been depressed through the beginning of the break up and it had been made worse when he saw their friends and family just trying to push them back together but after a short space of time that sadness and upset had turned into anger because they were pushing the responsibility towards Magnus as if it were his fault and it surely was not.
It wasnât his fault the Lightwood wouldnât accept him and it wasnât like he hadnât tried to get them back together. He had pulled them back from the brink countless numbers of times. He had pulled them from the gutter and made everything better. He had been the support and he had always been the one to convince the Shadowhunter that his worries were for not but that was because Magnus assumed that he hadnât gotten the experience from other relationships before. He hadnât been around for nearly as long as what Magnus had been so he had shouldered that responsibility but no longer. Magnus couldnât be the glue anymore. It had to be shared, it had to be equal. It wasnât.
Originally posted by hsj-gifs
âNo why should you care for a species you just use whenever you want and throw a side when youâre done with them.â
The only species that mattered to shadowhunters was themselves and that was and had always been the biggest issue for them. Magnus had been around shadowhunter for a while now. He knew what they were like and usually he had avoided them when he could but yet here he was again tangled back up with the same family names that he always was. This had to be some form of a curse considering whenever he dipped back into shadowhunter life it was always the same names that followed him about. Fairchild. Lightwood. Cairstairs. Herondale. They were always the ones he was stuck in and around but yet he had let himself be pulled back in never the less.
âNo whatâs a fantasy is thinking you would get out of your own way to enjoy and be happy for once. I never once said there wasnât a part of you I didnât love. You were the only one who decided that you couldnât love me for who I am. My little memory box only proves Iâve lived a long life and that I have been forgotten but I donât want to forget the people that I have cared forâ
Magnus couldnât help but hate the fact that given every situation, Alec brought back up the memory box because it hurt him so much. Which he could understand but Alec didnât have previously relationships and nothing to compare to which was maybe why this was so difficult. He didnât understand what it was like to fall in love with someone or to have fun with someone and then move on. Magnus had always been the one left standing in the dark, he had a few years with people but never had anything longer than that. He hadnât cared for someone their full life because he had never been given that opportunity. He had thought he would get that opportunity with the shadowhunter but apparently that wasnât going to be the case. Apparently he was just going to be another person that tossed him aside.
The memory box was something he cared about and something he enjoyed keeping because eventually the memories of people faded or sometimes he wanted to relive something that had once made him happy because there were times when he wanted to give up, sometimes he felt like there was nothing out here for them and nothing happening in the future. Magnus had contemplated a lot of things and going with Tessa had been one of them but her life had seemed so much harder because of the love but at the time it had was happy, she had family and she had Will and everytime he spoke to her she never regretted it. She cherished it beyond all other means and that was what had kept the warlock going. That was what kept him out here in hope that eventually he would be allowed half of what Tessa had gotten because not all demons were cursed â even if he was only partly demon. But then he ended up in situations like this which pulled him back under.
âNoâŠ..You donât get to say that. You donât get to throw yourself under the bus and say you wonât get into another relationship because you donât have free time as if your job fighting is more work than everyone elseâs. You maybe part Angel, Alec but you are not holy art thou. My work and what I do for a living can keep me just as busy as what you do just because I get to choose what I do and you believe itâs your given purpose does not give you the right to thrown this back in my face.â
Originally posted by sharona1x2
 At this point Magnus had had enough. Actually he had had enough for a while now. He tried to summon his magic, as much as he could. He tried to seek out a flaw in the system around them. He tried to push at the barrier and he was exceeding his power limit by all means because really he just wanted another way out. He wanted gone from this situation and that didnât seem to be happening any time soon. Magnus wanted to pace the room but he refused to move towards the Lightwood in any means of the word. He was done, he needed out of here and he was fed up putting up with these children. He tried conjuring a portal but no luck was held from there either. He was going to be stuck here to drown in his emotions and his past love for however long his friends saw fit. He didnât want to do this.
âYou didnât expect to get into a relationship this time so who says you wonât do it againâ
Magnus couldnât help but be upset by what the shadowhunter was saying to him because he was basically dismissing all of his feelings for him and saying that Alecâs feelings were more important and once in a life time where as Magnusâs were something that would often happen and then disappear. Which no matter which way he looked at it. Magnus was not going to let that go. He hadnât expected to be in one relationship but yet he had ended up in one so who was to say he didnât end up in another one. That wasnât something the Lightwood could guarantee so Magnus wouldnât let him simple pass it over because he was that upset and angry and completely caught up in a room with him.
The warlock would have rather been anywhere but here in this moment in time but he wasnât getting given that option so he was going to have to put up with what Alec was throwing at him but that didnât mean he wasnât going to throw it right back.
But then again the Lightwood had always expected more from him since the beginning. Magnus had known he was more experienced and he knew that he would often take the lead and let the Lightwood go at his pace when he needed to. That had all be part of their relationship and Magnus had been okay with that. He had understood that this wasnât like any of his other relationships and he was fine with dealing with things as they came along but what he didnât think he was going to have to deal with was the constant doubts the Lightwood would have. The need he constantly went through to break up with him and then get back together because he found some fault with Magnus that he couldnât get past but even with all of that he had still managed to get on with their life, but not anymore.
âYour limited because you judge everything on the negative. If you want a life together then you make the life you want, you donât give up and throw it away.â
The warlock was fed up with all the excuses the Nephilim came up with, all these stupid things he said that Magnus often tended to talk him out of but this time, this time he couldnât, this time he wouldnât. Magnus couldnât always be the one to bring his life back from the brink, couldnât be the one to show their relationship was more than it actually was. The lightwood had to be the one this time to make any changes otherwise it wasnât going to happen. He had broken the warlock more than he ever thought was broken before. He couldnât remember ever being pulled to and from a relationship like this one. The only one that had continued and stopped had been him and Camila and that was definitely not the same type the relationship as this one. That had been one of companionship because Magnus had got to the point where mortals passed him by so much that he didnât believe he could lose another person but yet he had thought that different with Alec.
Originally posted by thesorrowoflizards
The Lightwood had been the one that would change for him.
âI was given you the option that doesnât mean I wanted you to take itâ
Just because the warlock was trying to ease the burden didnât mean he wanted the shadowhunter to forget everything between them. The warlock surely couldnât, even though he hurt and he was angry over everything he didnât think he could or would change what had happened between them because falling in love with the blue eyed male was magically and that was now apart of who Magnus was even if the stubborn Nephilim had now decided he didnât want the magic warlock anymore. Magnus was stuck between wanting the shadowhunter and staying away from him because he wanted him so much because really he wasnât allowed him anymore. But the warlock had finally resolved himself that if the shadowhunter wanted anything then he was going to have to be the one to take It because Magnus had had enough.
âI was fed up constantly being the one pushing and pulling as back together, Alec because this isnât the first time you had mentioned something like this and it wouldnât be the last. I had tried enough times to know the only person that could get over this fault of yours was you. Itâs your issue and no matter what I say or do it would always be an issue until you sort it outâ
The cat eyed male could only tell him the truth by this point because as much as Alec kept expecting him to pull them back together he was done doing that. He had tried his best to do everything he could for the shadowhunters and that was including saving them in countless occasions, healing them when they got injured and just turning up and helping when it was clear they were children who didnât know what they were doing and this situation he had been through enough. The dark haired shadowhunter always found problems within their relationship and tried to pull it apart and the seams and Magnus had every time stitched them back together with his words and things that he believed to be true but they always teared back open because the real problem was with the way Alec thought about everything.
So no matter what the warlock did until the shadowhunter got over himself and learned that the problems were in fact himself and the way he thought about life then there was nothing more he could do to help him through. Magnus could solve all the problems in the world, he could help and patch things up because he was good at that and he was defend the Lightwood under any given circumstances but the real problem came with Alec himself. The blue eyed male couldnât even see he was standing in his own way, it was the way he thought about everything, he believed himself to be the centre and what he did mattered so much to everyone else that he couldnât get out his own way. So he would be his own destruction and as much as Magnus had tried. He needed to pull himself out of this situation before the Lightwood destroyed the Bane warlock.
âAnd you believe you are succeeding?â
This was a question that Magnus would quiet like to know the answer too because he had mentioned that his friends believed he wasnât succeeding but he said nothing about what he was actually doing. Youâre friends could think one way but it could be completely the opposite so really it was up to Alec if he was getting back into his life or not. But that was something that only he could decide in this situation. It wasnât something his friends could say or do.
Just because he said it didnât mean he altogether wanted the man to hear it or reply to it but he did never the less which caused the warlock to sigh because clearly what he said never really got across to the man in front of him otherwise they wouldnât be in this situation. Admitting what was happening was one thing but there wasnât much else he could say about that.
âExactly what I said. I have never been in a break up like this oneâ
Originally posted by hsj-gifs
