(hops on soapbox, takes a deep breath)
WE DON’T TALK ABOUT THIS MOMENT ENOUGH
there are so many levels to this moment, I had to pause the show and scream for a bit the first time I saw this scene.
1) Wei Wuxian, at this point, has tried his goddamn hardest to push Lan Wangji away in the Supervisory Office; that man was pulling zero punches, from courtesy name to no, wait, it’s Hanguang-jun to this is an internal Yunmeng Jiang affair, we don’t need the interference of the Gusu Lan Clan to every smile that didn’t quite reach Wei Wuxian’s eyes. This was Wei Wuxian, the boy of inappropriate laughter in libraries and the earnest sweetness of spring sunlight, Wei Wuxian, who smiled at Lan Wangji in the moonlight reflected off their crossed blades, Wei Wuxian, the boy who smiled at Lan Wangji while half-delirious with fever and injury, asking after the name of a song Lan Wangji hadn’t dared sing until struck with the fear that he might not have another chance to let Wei Wuxian know before they both died in a godforsaken cave.
1a) what I’m TRYING to say is that Wei Wuxian was downright cruel in when they met again in the Supervisory Office. “Oh? I’ve changed?” he asks, and Jiang Cheng frowns, looks away. “I guess not,” Jiang Cheng says, and you can tell that Lan Wangji wants to scream because of course Wei Ying has changed, how can’t you see it, you’re his brother, because Wei Ying hasn’t smiled once or called me Lan Zhan yet, because Wei Wuxian has always worn dark colors given the choice but never before has the darkness looked like it comes from inside him
1c) THE POINT I’m trying to make is that all of their interactions to this point have been frosty, formal, and so unlike every other interaction that they’ve ever had that Lan Wangji has no choice but to revert all the way back to the beginning of their relationship by pulling Bichen on Wei Wuxian, trying to shock some normalcy back into Wei Wuxian, trying to force his way behind that unsmiling armor that Wei Wuxian keeps wearing around the Qinghe Nie compound, to try and get through to the Wei Ying Lan Wangji knows from whatever shocked, traumatized corner of his own mind he’s been forced into
And you know what? It works. The first sentence out of Wei Wuxian’s mouth is a tease, and Lan Wangji immediately relaxes and shoots back a reproach which is practically his love language to Wei Wuxian, c’mon, how else do you explain the sheer number of times he says “boring,” it’s why he calls Wei Wuxian’s offer to carry him boring even when that doesn’t even make semantic sense as a response, but that’s a whole different essay
2) Wei Wuxian has already massacred two Supervisory Offices by this point, so his melee combat skills aren’t shabby, but they’re certainly not up to par with Lan Wangji, the Lord-Who-Holds-the-Light, the Second Jade of Lan. The two of them used to be able to go toe-to-toe, but Wei Wuxian knows that Lan Wangji has sparred with him enough to recognize when something is wrong (i.e. Wei Wuxian is missing a WHOLE-ASS GOLDEN CORE), so he disengages the fuck outta this fight with an almighty backflip
Wei Wuxian is trying to have a conversation here; Lan Wangji isn’t quite done with his hissy fit preferred mode of communication yet, so he follows the momentum of the fight with a lunge for Wei Wuxian’s throat that Wei Wuxian can easily block (and yes, we just saw him parry three strikes from Bichen on Chenqing) and what does Wei Wuxian do instead?
He lets Lan Wangji kill him.
3) Except he knows that Lan Wangji is a goddamn sword prodigy, and has better control over his blade than that. In a way, this is Wei Wuxian’s apology: I see that you’re angry, I’m sorry for shutting you out, for assuming that you’d told my shijie the worst about me, for not trusting you and listening to your concern. This is Wei Wuxian’s way of saying I’m sorry, you were right, look, I’ll stop fighting you. In Lan Wangji’s language of few words and many actions, Wei Wuxian has always been equally fluent and twice as dramatic.
4) Except… does Wei Wuxian know that? My first time watching, I was surprised at Wei Wuxian’s total lack of composure when Lan Wangji has a blade pointed millimeters away from his throat. Keep in mind that this is the man who manages to look sexy and beautiful even while stressed out of his mind and beaten half to death (yes yes, directorial/production choices etc); in gif 2, you can see that he has no fucking idea what’s going to happen in the the next moment, whether he’s going to die right here, bleeding out in his friend’s courtyard, and oh god that’s going to be awkward to explain to Huaisang.
He scrunches his face up unattractively; he braces for the pain.
4a) Wei Wuxian had a split-second choice when he saw the silvery streak of Bichen’s blade coming for him – defend himself, or…
tilt his chin up to give Lan Wangji better access to his throat.
4b) Because he trusts Lan Wangji more than he trusts himself, and if Lan Wangji thinks that he must die for his transgressions, then Wei Wuxian will offer up his neck and accept the verdict.
4c) If I had to fight them, I would rather die at your hands, Hanguang-jun. At least then, it would be worth it. brb I’m SCREAMING
5) Part of the reason Wei Wuxian was so unkind to Lan Wangji in the Supervisory Office is because everything Lan Wangji said to him, Wei Wuxian has said to himself in the dark of an unending graveyard twilight. Oh, Wei Wuxian had rationalized it all to himself – his cultivation wasn’t demonic, it was musical, and anyway, it’s not like he had much of a choice – but still, there were lingering doubts, that he was flying awfully close to a midnight sun, dancing on the edge of a cliff down which no cultivator has stayed sane. To hear those doubts voiced by his 畢生知己, the one who knows him, his soulmate, is more than he can bear. It validates Wei Wuxian’s doubts and fears about the ghost path he’s cultivating, but it’s already too late – he’s already paid the cost, and he does not want to hear Lan Wangji to tell him it was a mistake, not when he’s already sacrificed so much to get here, so Wei Wuxian pushes Lan Wangji away as hard and fast as he can, words cold and cruel and cutting.
6) It takes Wei Wuxian three gifs (2-4) to collect himself again.
6a) there’s a minute furrowing of Wei Wuxian’s brow in gif 3, as he gazes at Lan Wangji. have I really done it? it asks. Have I gone so far that I must be stopped?
Lan Wangji exhales, then lowers his sword. No. Not yet.
7) When Wei Wuxian finally musters up a smile (gif 5), you can see the edge of it is self-mocking; he knows what he’s going to say next, and he knows how much it’ll hurt himself to say it.
7a) “Lan Zhan,” he says. “I haven’t seen you in months and you’ve already made progress.”
7b) what he doesn’t say is this:
Lan Zhan, where have you been these past months?
Lan Zhan, what did they put you through, for your sword skills to improve so much?
Lan Zhan, you don’t know what I’ve had to do these past few months.
Lan Zhan, can you forgive me for who I’ve become, these past few months?
Lan Zhan, I’m glad you’re making progress.
Lan Zhan, I’m sorry I can’t progress with you.
Lan Zhan, I wish I could tell you why.
Lan Zhan, please don’t ask me why.
Lan Zhan, I miss who we were.
8) Lan Wangji stays, and stays, and stays, and stays.
2087
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