you're a fucking movie star

i would trust weird al with my drink at a party. granted he may put one of those capsules that expands into a sponge animal in it,

For thousands of years humanity has selectively bred chickens to have larger breasts and to have to lay eggs constantly. We did it to get more meat and per chicken, but from the perspective of the domesticated chickens they’re sorta living in a very specific fetish scenario

stop forgetting about trans-neutral people

*pointing at his bulge* there's a lot to unpack here

Work sucks you wanna come to my house and play perverts together?

i just realised i didnt add 'in my friendgroup' and now it just looks like i got rid of all the lesbians and i'm sad about it

First cavewoman to notice grugetta's back looks really nice when she's banging rocks together

I love Matilda because it's a story about a child who sees injustice around her and gets mad about it and questions why things aren't fair, and instead of the ending being that she learns how the world works and that life isn't fair, she catapults one of the adults who abused her out of a building with her mind

being an executioner used to be an inherited job. imagine dealing with teen angst and also job shadowing your dad the town’s torturer

4. The price of memory has more than quadrupled in the past six months

playing stupid games but im really bad at them so im not even winning the stupid prizes

the smuckling smumbler