Monus

If you did something hard, I’m proud of you.

If you have stuff to do but didn’t do any of it today, I’m proud of you.

You deserve someone to be proud of you for making it through the day. Whether you did something or not, I am still proud of you.

If you struggled with your mental health today, I love you.

If you had a good mental health day, I love you.

If you had an episode today, I love you.

If you lashed out at someone today, I love you.

If you had a meltdown today, I love you.

If you spent the whole day dissociated, I love you.

If no one else told you today, I love you. You are appreciated and I’m glad you’re here.

You deserve to be loved regardless of your mental health. I hope tomorrow is better if you had a rough day today. If it’s not, I still love you. No matter if you’ve been struggling for a long time or a short time, your battle is acknowledged and I’m proud of you for fighting.

If you wanted to give up today but didn’t, I’m proud of you.

And this runs counter to what is very often told, and I’m certainly not saying that that narrative is wrong. There are people that absolutely need to hear that suicide is Never an option.

But when you’ve been in those particular trenches for so long, the old sayings start to wear thin.

So what this person talked about was, the knowledge that she could theoretically always kill herself made it easier to postpone. Sure she could have killed herself this morning, but then she wouldn’t be out getting coffee with her friend. And she can always do it tonight.

But maybe tonight doesn’t work either because what she wants more than to be dead is to be warm in bed. So she’ll sleep on it. Maybe next week after seeing her friend’s musical.

And maybe that musical gives her the strength she needs to hold out for a bit longer, to scrape just a bit more joy from the world.

And maybe in two months it comes back, and she can’t do it anymore. But well, two months ago wasn’t the only time, she can always do it next month. Might as well wait for spring, the flowers are only just starting to come out.

So hey, maybe you could kill yourself. But you’re a long time dead with not a lot to do, so might as well scrape some more joy and excitement and interest and disappointment and music and grief and community and warmth from this world while you’re in it.