wyxan

ALSO ok obv i’m reading the subtitles through an american english lens ykwim. and alexei is prob drunk and high. but the first time they talk?? “baby brother” “handsome boy” he wishes ilya a happy new year. and then snaps when ilya keeps mentioning their dad. AND THEN calls ilya a faggot when he says he has no more money but still calls him ilyushka which is still a childish nickname that is playful and can be patronizing. and like. oh my god i’m having so many feelings and thoughts as someone who’s been here.

Also like, because he’s an addict. Like my brother is an addict and sometimes I can tell when he’s calling me that he’s got this script all worked out in his head. If he’s nice and he makes the right small talk and he reminds me that I love him, then it will be ok when he gets round to asking me for money and he won’t have to feel bad about it because actually I’m just playing my role as a good sibling handing out cash like he’s playing his role as a good sibling by making friendly conversation. And when the script gets violated, he has to confront the reality of the situation and if there is one thing someone in the absolute grips of addiction is not going to be able to do, it’s handle feelings of shame. So it must be Ilya’s fault he made him feel like that, he was just trying to be a good brother and chat and Ilya is not following the script and can’t he see how that’s unfair to Alexei. We both know the money is going to be sent, can’t Ilya just play nice about it?