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a woman that i'm dating made me a cake to celebrate me getting off the overnight shift and this cake is a fucking weapon. i think that surely she's actually trying to kill me and this incredibly sweet gesture is just part of her evil plan. it's a triple layer cake of three pieces of unbelievably dense chocolate cake shingled with chocolate ganache, whipped cream, and honeycomb, with grated honeycomb on top. it's delicious. it's the richest thing i've ever put in my mouth. i can take one bite of pure bliss and then the second bite gives me the !!POISONED!! status effect. but i just keep eating it. i can't move and my eyesight is fading. she made this for me. what the fuck. i'm perishing

Are you perhaps dating Miss Tunchball from Matilda

i cannot stress enough that there is no coercion involved in me eating this cake. it was freely given to me to eat at my own pace and my own leisure and i have been doing so of my own accord even as i accept the risk of decadent tummyache. why? ☝️yummy

I can’t believe 1TB microsd cards are like a thing that exists, thats like crossing a line, thats alarmingly close to playing god, where the FUCK are they PUTTING it

For $100 can put every single one of the games I have on steam on a card that fits on my fingertip, and then drop it on my carpet and never see it ever again, what a time to be alive.

get in loser we’re gonna try again despite it all

New research indicates 2 cups of black tea a day can increase human lifespan by up to ten million years

everything is getting worse and thats why it's SO so important that we have fun and hang out and play and im being serious im being unimaginable amounts of serious

too many people seem to think certain ships would officially start going out and put a label on their relationship and sometimes even go so far as to get married. but most of the time said ships would really just be freaks and fuck weirdstyle without addressing the elephant in the room that is the mutual romantic attraction

i cant believe that there's still gamergate STANK on games that women enjoy. NASTY misogyny residue. stardew valley is in fact a video game. animal crossing is also a video game. so are otome games and dating sims and twee little cozy games. sometimes a bitch doesnt wanna play bloodborne that shit's hard

guys who mainly play 2k and fortnite will still be like oh youre not a real gamer for having 1000 hours in stardew. mother fucker you're larping as a basketball player

I'm apparently so consistently aroace that a friend of mine uses me as a measurement for whether or not something counts as "romantic," based on when I stop understanding what he's talking about.

[ ID from Alt: Screenshot of a comment by tumblr user loraxofygg, which states: the great (b)arometer. / End ID ]

You're right. I SHOULD be able to take the train from Minneapolis to Berlin.

bro last night was magical. last night was enchanted. last night was bewitched. last night was cursed and hexed. last night was posessed. bro can you remember what we did last night? bro?

ur clothes size doesnt say anything. like it doesnt say anything abt u as a person but it also especially doesnt say anything about what size your clothes are