Date misadventures with Nygmobblepot! 🥡🍷
[thanks to @justgoldandgreen for the prompt: "A date full of surprises. I would say the unwelcome ones till the finish where they actually make something cute happen, like a butterfly effect."]
I felt really out of my comfort zone with this concept, but I hope it's entertaining! Sort of a headcanon/fanfic outline mix. Setting is a few years post No Man's Land, established relationship.
Oswald attempts to arrange a nice date for the two of them, though it's mostly for Ed's benefit (he's tense and irritable after a bad standoff with the GCPD). So Oswald makes a reservation at an old Italian place and bribes the staff of the Gotham Observatory to let them in after everyone's left - since Ed had developed a recent fixation on astronomy. He forgoes bodyguards, wanting the evening to be just the two of them...
From the moment they leave the manor, bad luck strikes. They run into a traffic jam near the restaurant and Oswald grumpily insists they walk the couple of blocks, even though his leg's been extra painful today.
On getting to the restaurant they manage to relax for a while, but halfway through the starters a copycat Red Hood gang busts in and starts holding the place up (they're an annoying Gotham ghost that just won't die). Oswald is outraged at this interruption, but Ed swiftly hustles him out through the kitchens, stealing a few bottles of wine as they make their escape.
Now truly angry, Oswald starts to call his driver to pick them up, but Ed has gotten into an impulsive mood and tells the driver to get lost and takes his keys when he arrives. Oswald points him to the Observatory, and Ed deftly steers them around the usual Saturday night chaos on the streets, but they find a lot of major roads blocked by a burst pipe. When Oswald hobbles out of the car and to the nearest blockade to begin screaming at the beat cops guarding it (he needs to vent his bubbling rage somehow), Ed slips out to a Chinese restaurant he saw a block away and gets them an alternative dinner, hiding the containers in the trunk.
By the time he returns, Oswald's temper has convinced the guards to let them through, and Ed drives them further to the edges of the city, where they arrive at the Observatory. Although Oswald had paid for the building to be left open, the entrances are locked tight and he nearly starts crying with frustration.
Ed isn't upset by this new barrier, since he prefers trespassing a lot of the time. He just gladly picks the locks, and makes an excuse about leaving the car running and dashes out again, sneaking in with the food he got while Oswald dabs at his eyes in one of the restrooms and tries to regain his composure.
They head for the central viewing room, but before Ed can activate the mechanism to open the dome and reveal the beautiful night sky, rain starts hammering down on the building - Oswald gives up any attempts at that composure, all but collapsing in despair because he'd foolishly forgotten to check the forecast.
Startled, Ed guides him to a different room that offers full-length window views out over Gotham, and Oswald sobs quietly into his shoulder, lamenting that his plans have all gone awry tonight and now he's stuck in a rainstorm inside a drab building, hungry and feeling like a terrible partner.
To his surprise, Ed cradles his face and confesses that as nice as their original plans would've been, he's perfectly happy to be right here. With a dramatic flourish, he reveals the Chinese food and pilfered wine bottles, making a picnic blanket out of his overcoat and sitting cross-legged beside the chair he dragged over for Oswald.
Oswald is stunned by how happy Ed is with this makeshift date, but as they dig into noodles and crack open a Cabernet Sauvignon, he starts to see the appeal. Expensive dinners and perfectly-timed stargazing aren't things Ed needs to enjoy their time together, and he is more than satisfied to make the best of a bad night with Oswald in the simplest ways.
They end up actually having a lovely night, staying up until the rain passes and watching the sun start to rise as the clouds clear on the horizon. Ed coaxes Oswald to join him on the floor and undress down to their socks and shirtsleeves before massaging his stiff knee and ankle. The two of them fall asleep on the floor, curled in each other's arms, and a few hours later Ed nudges his bird awake and squeezes him tight, asking in a husky, sleep-roughened voice if they can drive home and spend a lazy Sunday in bed now. Oswald agrees at once, and for the rest of the weekend Ed makes sure that Oswald knows how loved and appreciated he is in every possible way.
Come Monday morning, he's exhausted and covered in bite marks - but Oswald is convinced that his attempt at a special date night wasn't quite the disaster it seemed.
