What are your opinions on JFM & YZY’s parenting? I’ve never been totally sure, given that YZY is definitely abusive emotionally & physically, to what extent it goes beyond the fact that like, it’s culturally (in Untamed-land) normalized to hit your kids (&...servants?) as punishment and parental authority is HUGE. I know she’s off-base (though also that so is WWX by kid standards - not that that means he *deserves* it), but how off-base is she when it comes to playing her kids against each other & constantly tearing them down (it seems like)? Is JFM’s favoritism vs ignoring his heir also weird?
okay so I’ve been sitting on this for a while because I just didn’t have the mental capacity to talk about this.
Disclaimer: What I say regarding YZY and JFM will probably be coloured by my own experiences growing up with Asian parents. I had a good life, with strict but loving parents. I never questioned my parents’ concern and love for me, though when I say they were strict, I do mean they were strict. Despite fights, I continue to have a good relationship with my parents, and as I grew up, maturity and experience gave me some perspectives I didn’t have a child.
The fandom, at least the English speaking one, in my opinion, interprets YZY and JFM in a way that is often removed from the cultural and context under which these two characters are written. It is no one’s fault, but it does speak to the fact that there is a lack of understanding of familial dynamics that naturally exist in an Asian family. Sometimes, I feel like people also project whatever displeasure they have with their own folks onto YZY and JFM.
^ This statement will invariably piss off some people, and I am recognizing this in advance. Rather than arguing, you can just block me. It will save both of us a lot of grief.
1) Jiang Fengmian absolutely care about Jiang Cheng. No matter how much JFM favours WWX, Jiang Cheng is sect heir and that has never been a question.
Sometimes I would read a fanfic and ppl would have wildly outrageous plot points ie: JFM not inviting JC to an important sect event. I can’t even finish the sentence in those cases. I just ‘nope’ the heck out of there.
I’m sure if JFM had a choice, he would’ve chosen to have children with a woman he loved from the beginning. But just because his children aren’t born by the love of his life doesn’t mean he doesn’t love and care about them. Jiang Cheng is his son and heir, and that means something not just in Asian culture, but across cultures. To say that JFM doesn’t care about JC is...baseless. I certainly never saw any evidence of that in the show. The relationship a sire has with his heir is more than just that of father and son; it will never be a simple familial relationship and that’s not just in The Untamed. I would even say that a sire can’t love his heir the way a regular father loves a son. There is not just familial love between them but a delicate power dynamic, and a greater expectation and demand for excellence and respect. It would be more obvious when there are multiple sons, because then Power will play a much bigger role within the sibling and father-son relationships.
Jiang Fengmian favours Wei Wuxian. I think that much is obvious and without question, but he would never make Wei Wuxian his heir. Jiang Yanli would inherit before Wei Wuxian. WWX has no chance in hell in replacing JFM’s legitimate children even if he was JFM’s bastard child, because that’s just how inheritance works. Now, parents have favorites. Every parent does, unless you’re an only children. Parents are people, and they’re imperfect. If I have learned anything in life is that... we’re all the winging it as we go. Every single one of us. We only go through each stage of life once. There are no do-overs. Parents are no exception. Each child will have a different personality, and to think their parents will like all of them equally is... unreasonable. There is a difference between like and love. Parents can love their kids equally, but they will like some more than others. That’s just fact.
Now, did JFM make JC feel like WWX embodied their sect’s motto more than him? Not overtly, but that’s certainly the effect I think his favoritism caused. And also, JFM probably just vibed with WWX more as a parent. The entire fandom is like up in arms about that, saying how he neglected JC, but here’s the thing: making your child feel inadequate is like the bedrock of Asian parenting. If I could have a dollar for every time my parents use “other people’s children” to tell me how I should do better, I’d make a significant dent into my student debt. (To give you some context: I graduated high school in the top 1% of my province and I scored in the 97th percentile on the MCAT). Now you can tell me that’s so toxic and abusive or whatever, but a lot of Asian kids will just shrug it off. It is such a shared experience we can laugh about it in hindsight and turn it into a meme ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. (TwoSet Violin fans: no matter how good we are, we can never be as good as Ling Ling.) Now I’m not saying that it’s a very...effective parenting method or one that should be condoned, but I certainly didn’t bat an eye at it when I saw it on The Untamed.
2) Physical discipline is a frequent trope in cdrama and not considered abuse. You will not see this in modern dramas, because it is no longer acceptable in many asian families. But when it’s a historical drama, people don’t usually care bc....it’s....historical...and fictional.
That being said, Yu Ziyuan is certainly not the world’s kindest stepmother. But to say that WWX grew up constantly abused is... conjecture. Your Honour, objection, insufficient proof. If WWX did something wrong, if he misbehaved or broke the rule or caused trouble, I’m sure YZY wouldn’t hesitate to deal with it as was the custom of that time, but Wei Wuxian wasn’t scrubbing no floors like Cinderella okay. He’s clearly a well-fed and respected young master of Lotus Pier. I remember so distinctively when JC and WWX came home, and one of the maids ran through the halls, calling out “The gongzis have returned!” If you wanna be really granular, technically speaking Lotus Pier only has one gongzi, and that’s JC, but as we can see Wei Wuxian was treated like a second son, and that’s 100% above his station. He ate at the same table as the main family. No other disciple was allowed to do that.
Yu Ziyuan will be eternally salty about this, but no she wasn’t verbally and physically abusing her kids 24/7. She was mad because Wen Ruohan was asking the sects to send their heirs and Jiang Fengmian was once again being avoidant and quiet, and she was up in arms. In her opinion, JFM should stop being a bitch and do something. And honestly, being yelled at while eating is also one of those fundamentally Asian experiences. IDK what to tell you. That part of the script was so good - I literally both loled and cringed - because that’s exactly what an average asian family looks like when shit hits the fan.
3) And finally: Love. Asian families just aren’t verbally affectionate, but damn do we show up and pull through when we need to.
If there’s anything we gleamed from the Jiangs is that, fuck I may not really like you, but I will die with you if that’s what it comes down to, because I am your husband/wife/son/daughter/brother/sister, and I won’t leave you behind. It’s hard thing to explain: I love you even when I hate you. Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan died holding each other’s hand. I think that says plenty.
I’ve never told my family I love them, because I don’t have to. Love has nothing to do with it. My folks always said that western culture focused too much on love, that there are more important things. I don’t necessarily agree with that, but I do see what they’re saying in. Like: you visit your old and dying grandpa in the hospital even if he was an asshole to you his entire life, not because you love him, but because he’s your grandfather and you have to. Under this point of view, you’ll never be free of your family. There’s a saying: even if you break the bones you’ll be connected by tendon. I don’t know if that’s healthy, but who’s to say? It’s just the way it is.
Like I said, that’s just my two cents. I’m not an expert by any stretch of the imagination. I can only speak from experience, which is of course not generalizable to everyone. Take from it what you will.
