Writering... Or Something

First of all let me tell you, he’s a pain in my ass. But I recognized him from the start. The first time I saw him I wanted to write a story about him. I didn’t even know who he was but I had guesses and ideas and I wanted to right them down. In the words of an underrated poet, “your soulmate will be the stranger you recognize,” and I may not have recognized him but I wanted to write a story about him and for me, the writer and the dreamer, that is my soul recognizing him. Now. About him. He’s a few inches taller than me and he holds his height very proudly. He’s very sensitive. Like extremely sensitive. And earning his trust is very hard and I’m not sure I’ve even done it yet. I fee comfortable with him. Like I could tell him anything. He’s a little evil and a little flirty. And extremely sexy. I could be having the worst day ever and he’d just look at me a certain way and I’d be turned on. He’s strong both physically and mentally. He’s worked hard his whole life. His mind works in beautiful ways and it’s a mess but I’ll spend my life trying to figure it out. He’s got these pretty eyes that are a deep color that can’t even be named. It’s not blue or green but it’s not turquoise either. It’s beautiful. He always finds a way to get what he wants. It drives me crazy. But he’ll do it. He’s incredibly smart. I can’t even try to understand some of the things he can comprehend. He’s got a strong will. He makes things happen. He’s my soulmate and I’m so proud of him.

I’m so constantly confused by you. You’re still hurting from your ex yet you’re with me and I don’t know if that’s because I pressured you into it or because you thought you could handle it. You’re mad at the fact that most of my friends are guys and that they’re not what you see as friends. You’re constantly in a bad mood and I try to stay positive and be encouraging and happy but it’s hard because I feel your weight dragging me down. You made promises of forever with her and I don’t know how I could ever replace those.

“You can’t tie her down,” he said to his friend that sat next to him, tears down his cheeks. “She made a life for herself before you came along. Even before I did. And there’s nothing to be done about. She’s not going to get rid of her friends or change the way things are with them just to make you happy. She learned from him long ago that changing herself wasn’t the way to make a boy fall in love and that if it was, it wasn’t the way she wanted it to be.” The younger boy rubbed his friends back and gave him a sad smile. “I don’t understand why they’re her friends though, it seems like they’re just asses that hurt her but she loves them so much.” His friend laughed. “They are asses but that’s why she loves them. They toughen her up, give her an edge that she needs to survive her crazy life. And if we’re honest, she doesn’t remember life without them and she doesn’t want to.” The sad boy shook his head. “But what about him? Hasn’t all he ever done been to hurt her?” They were silent for a minute. “Ya know, for the longest time I wasn’t sure why she loved him. But then I realized that they have this kind of bond that no one could beat. They just look at each other to communicate sometimes it’s crazy. But if I had to answer why she loved him. It’s because she can always go to him. She could ignore him and beat up on him for months but the second she’s sad she could go for him to comfort like nothing had happened. And he’d let her. He may not love her like that but he doesn’t want her to be hurt and he knows she’s more sensitive then most. She’s willing to go back to him every time he hurts her and he welcomes her with open arms and there’s just something about that feeling that knowing no matter what happens, they’re there for each other that keeps her with him. No matter how long and hard and hurt its been or she’s gone through. That’s why she loves him”

This isn’t a chilly cold that comes from the air or the wind. It’s an inner cold that rips its way through my body from my toes to my legs up to my heart reminding me that something isn’t right. It’s the cold of not getting the same affection as normal because your person is mad at you. It’s an aggressive cold and one that can’t be solved with a blanket. It’s tearing an unforgiving path through me and I want it to stop. I want the cold to freeze.

I’m friends with them because I love them. Each one, all four. They’re my best friends. They know that and I may not be theirs and that’s okay. I don’t need to be. But they’re mine. They keep me in check. They make sure my head isn’t too far in the clouds. They do their best to keep me from getting hurt. They fill the silence in my life and remind me that love isn’t always clear to see. Sometimes it’s the teasing and the jokes. They keep me innocent. Making sure I don’t give too much of myself away before I’m ready. They don’t let my head get too big, make sure I know that I am not better than anyone because I’m not. We’re all equal. I’m friends with him because he gives me someone to help when I don’t feel like I’m good for anything. I’m friends with that one because I know he’s been there for every guy and every moment in between. I’m friends with Mr. questions because he makes me think, allows me to continue learning. And him? I’m friends with him because I can’t imagine my life any way else.

That’s the simplest way I can put it. If anyone has anything to add, please feel free :)

My scars.