Y yo a ti, Cas.

But first: I’ve been so, so touched by all the comments that people have written, whether added to my post or sent to my inbox or written in tags.  I don’t want to seem full of myself, but just, thank you.  It means so much to know that it’s helping.

The post

I’ve been seeing therapists for depression for as long as some Tumblr users have been alive.  It comes and goes, and I’m grateful to be at a place where, thanks to medication, a great therapist, and slowly accrued coping skills, I can usually keep going without grinding to a total halt.  Still, some days/weeks are better than others, and one of the frustrating aspects of the disease is how it’s hard to relate to one side when you’re on the other side.  When I’m down, the fact that I’m sometimes happy seems distant and meaningless; when I’m up, I don’t want to linger in a bleak state of mind.

So, on a day when I was in an upswing but could still remember the other side of things, I wrote myself some questions.  I’m incredibly glad that they’ve helped other people, but originally, they were simply personal.  I know that when I’m in a depressive headspace, optimism and compliments and logical arguments just don’t work.  I can’t persuade myself, “oh hey, maybe I don’t suck after all!”  But what I can do is make sure that I’m giving my body and mind the best tools to be myself and think more clearly, and those pragmatic concerns are easier to follow than simple “positive thinking.”  That’s what I tried to encourage, and in the ten days since then, it’s already helped me some.

Responding to some of the comments/critiques …

1) I’m aware that the post doesn’t apply fully to everyone.  I wrote it for my own body, but not everyone has the physical, mental, or financial ability to do all the things I suggest.  If I’d known that so many people would read the post and take it as universal advice, I would have used less ableist language.  I’m sincerely sorry if this caused anyone to feel excluded, and I would happily collaborate on suggestions for more inclusive options.  I also encourage everyone to adapt or ignore the suggestions as appropriate for your own situation.

2) Not everyone has local friends, family, or furry creatures to ask for hugs.  I’ve been in that situation before, and it’s tough.  If anyone wants, I can talk to you about alternatives: volunteering to help with animals, joining local interest groups to make friends, politely approaching strangers at a dog park, etc.  Stuffed animals aren’t the same, but for me, they totally help too.

3) teiledesganzen had a really great addition about hormones, and how (especially for people experiencing PMS, menopause, or trans* related hormonal changes) they can have a big impact on mood and outlook.  So that’s another important thing to consider.

About me …

1. 'It's fiction, it doesn't need to make sense!'

Take this one for example from 2009 in EW: ‘Supernatural’: Sexy. Scary. Over?

The article mentions the existence of “Sam girls” and “Dean girls” and w*ncest fanfiction, adding “the less said about it the better.” In 2009 perception of spn hadn’t caught up yet to the reality of how “Cas girl” was becoming a thing to hold its own with “Sam girl” and “Dean girl.” “Destiel” wasn’t discussed openly at all in 2009.

“Padalecki, 26, and Ackles, 31, are exhausted; and Kripke has long maintained that he wants the series to last only five seasons — that’s one more, then they’re done.”

Hmmm. But that isn’t what happened.

Now look at this paragraph:

“Season 4, which has centered on the brothers battling angels as well as their usual demon enemies, is up an impressive 13 percent over last year, with new episodes averaging 3.3 million viewers a week — and that’s against Thursday-night stalwarts Grey’s Anatomy and CSI.”

Gee what changed on SPN to make ratings climb back up, who was added, who could it be. Who is it that became a regular for S5-6, and when he was ditched in S7, ratings spiraled downward again. That was Misha playing Castiel wasn’t it, goodness me. Who is it that became a regular again and was at the forefront of blowing down barriers that insisted the show was only about Sam and Dean no one else, who showed that most of the fanbase was not only interested in Castiel, but that barrier breaking paved the way for changes that empowered a strong fanbase with a deeper appreciation for ensemble, one there in the fandom from the start but always overlooked, and one that swelled in numbers in later seasons. One that supports not only Cas and Team Free Will but female characters as important and needed, that made Wayward Sisters viable enough the CW gave it a backdoor pilot at least, and the decision not to pick up had nothing to do with the fanbase for it not being there.

Outdated, musty, decade or older thinking drives a majority of the most pointless hate and attacking from the rear guard of “j2onlies” who are living in the past. Like a Star Wars stan who last saw the franchise they love in the early 1980’s but sticks around to abuse everyone who likes current Star Wars and everyone who makes current Star Wars.

Let’s go back to the Season 4 ratings recovery again for a moment. Look what SPN’s creator Eric Kripke has to say more recently, in Variety, September 2016:

“People really forget what a bubble show ‘Supernatural’ was in those first four years…”

I mean, a human Cas in the bunker with Dean as his guide would have been so intimate. He’d have learned quickly from Dean how to feed his hungers, whether it was with food, a fight, or a fuck.