this is supposed to be a high-class bureau de change

Hello Oasisblr, welcome to my brain. I have spent the past hour attempting to calculate an estimate dick length for Noel Gallagher based off of the plethora of bulge photos we all love. So, what was the methodology, and what are the results?

Exhibit 1: The Phone and the Foot

I started with the photo because it has two things we can use to compare the bulge to, size-wise: the phone receiver and Noel's foot. He's on record saying he wears a size 39 shoe, which means that his foot is likely around 24.5 cm (9.6 inches). In the 1990s, the average phone receiver (the part you hold up to your ear, for those too young to remember), was about 22 cm (8.6 inches), according to old patent specifications (and it checks out with what I remember growing up).

Thus, we have a reasonable measurement for two items in the photo, and therefore, we can compare them to the dick. Superimposed, the shoe and the phone are roughly the same size as the bulge. The average length of both objects is 22.5cm (8.85 inches).

Exhibit 2: Zipper

Let's try to compare our estimate above using the length of his fly. On an average-rise pair of men's jeans, the zipper is 15.24 cm (6 inches) long. We can very clearly see that he is thus over six inches. But that's not very close to 9, is it? Veruschkaaaa, give us more evidence!

Exhibit 3: Thumb

I know, the imprint is impressive, but what we're looking at here is Noel's thumb in comparison to the rest of his body. The average man's thumb is 7.62 cm long (3 inches). If we compare this to the above photo, it looks like the bulge does extend roughly one thumb's length past the zipper. This zipper + thumb equation gives us 22.86 cm (9 inches)

Result:

Looking at averages, this is where we end up:

Average of thumb and zipper: 22.86 cm (9 inches)

Average of the phone receiver and foot length: 22.5cm (8.85 inches)

Average of image 1 and images 2-3: 22.68 (8.93 inches)

Oasis - The White Room, London - 1995

of course the fact that this song is called the boy with the x-ray eyes doesn't automatically link it to the nghfb song the girl with x-ray eyes. HOWEVER. this particular song was a) released in 1996 and b) remixed by goldie, a very close friend of noel's. which means noel could well have had this song in mind when he wrote the girl with x-ray eyes. and let's take a look at the lyrics............

The Chief since 1991

Photo by @k_ciel94

"Brian didn't want to go to gigs dressed as Mr. Epstein from NEMS," says Peter Brown. "He didn't want to look like a prick in a suit, so he put on a turtleneck and a leather jacket to seem more like the boys." Bill Harry recalls him at the Cavern one night, "with his hair combed forward, looking completely ridiculous." He was experimenting, looking for ways to square himself with the Beatles, to square himself with himself.