This July I retired from the military. My last months felt like a mad dash to the end. Retiring while overseas during COVID made it extra interesting. A lot of uncertainty added to my stress. The dust settled and I officially started my next chapter in Kuwait. As I shed my military skin during the "transition phase." I often ask myself, what do I want to leave behind?
Military transition can be hard. To take the uniform and rank off, and walk away, leaves us unarmed and vulnerable. Military veterans can get attached to the identity and feel a sense of loss upon departure. Others are all too reliant on their rank to persuade on their behalf, and may not know how to interact with others. For me that part feels rather easy, I made a conscious effort to ensure my identity is not "whole military." Not looking military may help me have this outlook; yet, in my last years, I made it a point to not define myself by my career. That was a pillar in how I defined my own success.
Now I have the opportunity to start fresh and refine myself further. How do I now define success? At the moment, success is a cleared mentality, a feeling of clarity, and a lack of a certain sentiment. I am letting go of "busy-ness." My last months were the busiest ever. I now see that I lived my whole career with a constant frenetic feeling. A mental state I did not recognize until it was gone. Without the unrelenting pressure (I placed on myself...), I sense my new state of calm. I like it. In fact, I relish my quiet mind and my newfound ability to think. With the fury and smoke cleared from the retirement, there is a new quiet calm. I sense how taking a step back can clear the air for serenity.
I always valued having "so much to do." This identity gripped me more than I care to admit. My addiction was "being relied upon" and I fed off of it with my mantra of "get shit done." My previous lifestyle created an endless cycle of stress and burnout. Not healthy, not ideal. There are a few of us in the Air Force that take our value of "Service Before Self" a little too literally... In reflection, I know martyrdom is not a healthy choice at all. Yet the addiction of being that "go to" person is strong.
In my new position, I am a resource for others. I am able to capitalize on cumulative experience and skills, with less responsibilities. Hitting the brakes on one career and shifting to another, created a crack of light that shown on my old ways. Now I am a new person without the previous sense of control and confidence. Exactly what I needed to pause and sense a shift, a difference in how I was and how I could be. I am grateful for the opportunity where I can create white space and think versus react. Yes, I acknowledge that I could have done this before...Better late than never? I never let myself clear my mind to know another way.
As I move forward, I will continue to declutter my time, my space, and my mind. Mind you, I will always be a rainmaker, it is in my blood. I still get enthusiastic and excited; I will never zone out on what I must do. In this new chapter, I will shed the view that I must get it all done and all done now. I will be deliberate, present, and focused on the mental framework of how I can be effective and relaxed.
