WonderSeeker

Get to Know Me: My Favorite Male Actors [4/5]: David Tennant (n. 1971)

What Your Favorite Harry Potter Ship Says About You

Also on youtube. Transcription below the cut.

-stop equating them with internalized homophpbia

-stop equating them with "talking about your sex life"

-stop claiming that it's bad for anyone under 18 to identify with them

-stop claiming that they're inheritingly associated with an underlying problem, such as mental illness

-stop calling them modifyers

-stop claiming that aro/ace headcanons/canon are "infantilizing" characters

Time Travel in Fiction 

Lee Jordan: Greetings Wizarding World. It is I, River. Answer to the question ‘can someone be too handsome?’ With me as always is my partner in crime Rapier. Note: No crimes were committed in the making of the radio show Molly.

George Weasley: Hello River, Hello listeners, it’s good to be back.

Lee: Boy do we have a fun packed show for you today magical community, but first, over to you Rapier.

George: Okay, first up, human embodiment of the concept of incompetence, Cornelius Fudge, has been acquitted by the wizengemot for potentiality aiding the rise of the late, not at all lamented, you know who.

Lee: Where do you stand on this Raiper?

George: The man is probably too stupid to be a Death Eater. If it were up to me I’d probably give him a months worth of detention with Minnie McG just to see her look of disappointment.

Lee: Honestly that may be worse than Azkaban.

George: Secondly, least popular Weasley sibling Percy, has been appointed head of the Portkey office.

Lee: oh Merlins sandwich.

George: He promptly raided Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes and arrested distractingly handsome philanthropist George Weasley because their new product, the pocket Portkey ‘didn’t conform to ministry law’.

Lee: How did Weasley get out of it?

George: It was thrown out of court by the minister ‘for being just so dumb’.

Lee: excellent.

George: and finally, Auror Neville Longbottom has announced his intent to leave the office after the final remnants of the Death Eaters are rounded up, and pursue a career in Magibotany.

Lee: We wish Neville all the best traveling around the world looking at interesting shrubs and whatnot.

George: Just, y’know, make sure ya got all the Death Eaters first before you start prodding fascinating magical weeds and stuff.

Lee: And now, we would like to welcome our newest contributor. Here to educate us more about our muggle friends, here’s Round-Table.

Arthur Weasley: Hello boys. Hello listeners.

Lee: So Round-Table, you’ve been looking into various aspects of the muggle world for us. What are you here to educate our listeners about.

Arthur: Well today I’m going to tell you all about the muggle moovies.

Lee: Moovies?

Arthur: Yes. Despite their name, these moovies have nothing to do with cows, but are in fact a form of entertainment and education. They’re sort of like our pictures, they are images that can move and talk, but unlike wizard pictures, they can’t talk to us, only to each other.

Lee: Fascinating.

Arthur: Yes indeed. Some are fictional, such as the Star War moovies, or filums as they’re some times called. Others, I think, are based on actual events. There’s one filum I saw called Jurassic Park which I think is based on real events.

George: What’s Jurassic Park?

Arthur: Well it appears a few years ago some muggle sciencers found a way to make dragons that couldn’t fly or breath fire and called them Dinosaurs. Sadly the sciencers couldn’t control them and the muggle government covered it all up.

George: Truely muggles are smarter than we give them credit for.

Arthur: That they are Rapier. I intend to ask the Minister to let me fund more research into muggle science to help us better understand them.

Lee: Can you tell us anymore about filums Round-Table.

Arthur: Just that many of the best ones come from America, but the muggles here have a series called ‘James Bond’. These too appear to be based on real life events. Bond is a muggle spie who fights evil muggle and works for the muggle government here.

Lee: Incredible. Thank you Round-Table

Arthur: A pleasure.

Lee: And now onto our last guest. Please give a warm, Potterwatch welcome to Roman, and his chaperone, Roonil.

Harry Potter: Good to be back River.

Teddy Lupin: Blep.

Lee: Now Roman, I understand you are, in fact, an infant. Is that correct?

Teddy: *gurgling sounds*

Lee: How is that working out for you?

Teddy: abba ba ba

Lee: Fascinating. Roonil, you look after Roman a lot, what’s he like?

Harry: He’s a good boy, but unfortunately he’s also a metamorphmagi, like his mother, which can be difficult when he’s with other babies…Tedd…Roman, stop that.

Lee: It appears that Roman likes playing with my…ow…dreadlocks. Oh look, now he’s put one in his mouth.

Teddy: nom.

Lee: Roman this is most unprofessional.

Harry: C’mon buddy, let go…there we go.

Teddy: waaaaaaaa

Lee: Oh look now his hair has turned red because he’s grumpy. And he appears to have..ouch…grown fangs.

Harry: Te…Roman, don’t bite River.

Lee: That’s quite alright. Now Roman, before you leave us for a nap, can you say Roonil and River.

Teddy: Hawee.

Harry: No, I’m Roonil.

Teddy: Hawee. Lee.

Lee: Not Lee, River!

Teddy: Lee.

Lee: Roonil, remove this infant at once, it’s ruining my anonymity!

Teddy: Lee. Lee. Hawee. Lee

Lee: I will sue you, baby. I will invent magical lawyers and then sue you!

Harry: Look Roman, here’s your toy Hippogriff.

Teddy: Bubeek. Nom

Lee: aww look he’s chewing a wing. Well that’s all we have time for today. I’m River.

George: and I’m Rapier.

What if the Hogwarts sorting process is less about who you are, and more about what you need?

The sorting hat sees a boy thrust into a new world he barely understands, a boy desperate not to blend in with the crowd, and a girl who would sink as deep into her books as she is allowed, and says- what do these children need? They need courage. The courage to keep moving forward despite overwhelming circumstances and high stakes, the courage to see themselves as heroes, the courage to speak up and speak out against injustice.

The hat sees a lost girl whose world has been shattered, who can’t be bothered to fit the world she sees to others’ standards, and says- what does she need? Knowledge. The knowledge of how and why things happen, and the wisdom to accept the things she cannot change.

The hat sees a boy desperate to fill his father’s shoes, used to getting his way and confused at a world that works differently than he was taught. The hat says- he needs power. He needs an identity that will remind him that he has worth, that he can be more than he is.

I wouldn’t want to attend a hogwarts that sorted based on what universal human trait I exhibited most often. I wouldn’t want to attend a hogwarts that sorted similar personalities into uniform groups. I would want to attend a hogwarts that sorts based on its students’ needs, doing its best to help them succeed.

When dumbledore says, “perhaps we sort too soon,” maybe he sees the good that a little bit of courage, instead of a sense of self-worth inflated into superiority, could have done Severus Snape.

Yeah. It bugs me more now than it did when the movies first aired, because I hadn’t really done the math, but basically the problem with the casting is that they didn’t have a time machine handy. RIckman is fantastic as Snape but he’s also more than 20 years older than the character he’s playing. Gary Oldman’s 13 years older than Sirius. Thewlis comes closest but he’s still 8 years older than Remus.

Reading the books as a kid, even if I had done the math it wouldn’t have meant anything to me, because everyone over 25 or so was an Adult and I didn’t see a lot of fine gradations in that. But like. I’m 32. The Marauders-era characters are so much more believably terrible to me now, you know? No wonder they’re useless when Harry needs them! I’d be useless too!

it is a harry potter fanfic from like 2009, 160k words, 50 chapters

basically, adult Harry accidentally goes back in time and wakes up on his 11th birthday again, but with all his memories of the future intact

(the way he travels back makes no sense whatsoever but it doesn’t really matter)

harry decides upon 3 goals:

fuck up as much shit as possible

make a shitload of money

save some lives or whatever

it is

H I L A R I O U S

his go-to explanation for how he knows what’s going to happen?

he has a psychic scar

(hermione is SO PISSED about this)

(neville’s like “either he’s psychic, or he’s the greatest conman alive”)

everyone just sort of assumes harry’s insane and he doesn’t do much to dispute this

harry also decides to make it his mission in life to LOSE the house cup every year

“snape is my sole ally”

he also goes out of his way to befriend neville, ginny, and luna earlier this time, so they’re part of the gang throughout and it’s great

even draco is a friend!

(kind of)

(when harry’s not spreading a rumor that draco’s the lovechild of narcissa and snape, anyway)

harry’s motivation for everything he does in this story is basically, “oh, this will be hilarious”

either that or, “it’s probably a tax deductible”

because the way lockhart is written in this story is also amazing and harry ends up teaming up with him to merchandise The Boy Who Lived so he can have cash to burn

(so he gets a LOT of shit done via bribes)

it gets to the point where harry is able to convince everyone that he’s not the heir of slytherin…. because if he was, he’d have found a way to make money off of it

and everyone’s like “yeah ok that checks out”

in this timeline, neville’s boggart isn’t snape…. it’s harry as the minister of magic

harry also decides to make sure cedric lives by quizzing him constantly on what to do if he ends up in a graveyard

harry: by the way, that reminds me – cedric. graveyard.

cedric, not even really listening: run like hell.

the sheer magnitude to which harry does not give a fuck in this timeline is truly awe-inspiring

he mouths off to everyone, and i mean everyone. lockhart, snape, the dursleys, malfoy, friggin’ voldemort

everyone is like “what… what the fuck, harry”

(though by the end of first year it’s more like “… *deep sigh* … fine.

snape is so angry

it’s fucking hysterical and just about everyone ends up better off

here’s the link