FUN IS INFINITE

“Sugarhog… y’know he never actually says ‘It’s Morbin’ Time’ at any point in the film, right?”

.

[ sonic.exe ] you mean morpheus? like from the matrix?

i dunno i went to see sonic 2 instead

   “Imagine being short, haha!”

     Knock on wood, but today was going rather well! Recently finished up actualizing the latest model of biplane flittering about the ever-spinning mind, knocked out a decent chunk of chores around the house… productivity was the lifeblood of the kit, but checking goal after goal off of the ol’ to-do list never failed to feel good! And the last major piece to get to today was some outside work: tend to the   

     “  Oh!” Steps on their way out of the workshop falter as a familiar face is greeted with with light shock. The sudden nature of the appearance caught the fox off-guard, but upon lightning-quick realization, a tune wastes no time changing. “Heya, Sonic!” spoken with a smile. That to-do list might have to get shelved for a little bit, attention already tuning into the hedgehog at his front. Attention tuning and… lingering. Hanging on that oh so dear older brother of his…

     Hanging on the portion of the face that was visible, filing through the emerald eye with pause. Hanging for that slightest bit too long. Now… Tails was no stranger to skepticism, despite that full and trusting heart of his. But to feel that smallest, most miniscule, nigh nanoscopic quirk of the eye upward to Sonic’s visage? His brother’s? That was a new feeling. 

     He knew his brother better than almost anyone on this planet, perhaps only rivaled by the hedgehog himself. Which made those oddities, the Sonic-enough state (Sonic-enough, like a mask that was human-enough to pass through the crowd without causing alarm) ping in the kit’s conscious.

     But before a mind could think too far, a possible reason for those oddities was provided by the other. Under the weather? Yeah… yeah, he could buy that. “I can kinda see it. Got a real odd look to the skin, dude. You drinkin’ enough water?” Hmn? He’d done some base-level studies in the starters of medicine for situations just like this, but Hava? Never heard of Hava. “What’s Hava   ”

     Oh Gaia what has he done.

   Oh, my little buddy, you’ve really done it now!

   Face contorting to an uncomfortable degree, the amusement he felt was all but contained. It truly was the little things that made this hellish existence all the more worth it! At least, that’s what Majin rationalizes to himself when he goes on his unhinged quests for infinite fun.

   The top half of his body quickly snapped around toward Miles, his bottom half catching up with a small delay. Before the poor little dude could even hava chance to process what was going on, his body contorted once more, the top half of his body seeming to grow to a cartoonishly disproportionate size. Lunging with an unfortunately eager speed, he made sure to put the heaviest emphasis possible on his next words as he ominously loomed over his brothé:

   “HAHA, HAVA GOOD ONE, LITTLE BUDDY ! !”

   Was this incredibly mean? Yes. Was it nothing but harmless fun in Majin’s soulless eyes? Also yes. As quickly as he loomed over Tails, he shrunk back to his normal proportions, cackling at his own joke in a manner that would’ve been almost cute if his face wasn’t the stuff of never-ending nightmares. 

   As far as Majin was concerned, his mission had been accomplished. Now came the next step: waiting for the initial shock to wear off. While he absolutely would never pass up the chance to mess with his little bro regardless of the universe, he was also no stranger to the odd ways his friends would react to his existence. Wasting absolutely no time, Majin pulled a stopwatch from the nonexistent pocket on his side, hitting the big ol’ button on top.

   Ah, Tails. You poor little S3&K-no-route-having little creature. You’re still only half-aware of all the unspeakable horrors of the world, and fully unaware that you’re about to be the next target of Majin’s Multiversal Cain Instinct. He was, after all, still Sonic underneath that visceral visage and menacing mannerisms.

   He had to be strategic about this one, though. After all, the little bro from his home universe was a little TOO perceptive, so surely this one would be no different! Majin decided to err on the side of caution—literally. He gave the fox only a side-glance, carefully taming his otherwise-uncontrollable grin to seem normal enough. Sonic enough. At least long enough to give him this benign victory...

   “Hey there, l̀itt͝le͠ ̵bu̷d͢dy!̵ Right on time! I had something I reeeaaally needed to ask you about. Can’t say it’s anything too serious, but I’ve been feelin' a little under the weather lately. I got the weirdest feeling I might’a caught Hava.”

Of course. Of-fucking-course the other would slap on a stupid little cowboy outfit. Why not! Why not just summon a gun out of thin air and threaten to return fire. Why not roleplay this ridiculous scenario and confuse the hell out of her even more as she questioned how real this supposed hallucination was. This certainly wasn’t the strangest thing to happen in her life. So why —

… Snively?

Her shaking stopped and her gun was slightly lowered. She found herself shifting away just a bit more as the other suddenly donned new apparel and returned her threat. Her terror hadn’t completely subsided — she was just more perplexed by the comparison. As much as she wanted to try and shoot this strange apparition, she couldn’t help but indulge it first.

❝ … Snively? Snively Garnet? ❞ Of course, Snively wasn’t his ACTUAL name. He earned it the instant he took out their dining room table when she was 8 years old. Garnet wasn’t even his last name, either. She just remembered all of the intoxicated protests he made to being a Robotnik whenever he … randomly crashed at her parent’s place. The point is, her older half-brother had always been an enigma in her life, and for his name to be brought up yet again by someone who didn’t know much of her was … Something.  ❝ N-No. I’m not - I haven’t seen him in a while. ❞

Oh god, please don’t make any sudden movements, not-Sonic. The more his shitty little hedgehog-sized gun stared at her along with his shitty little hedgehog-sized hat, the more she felt. Intimidated? Her gun lifted back up. ❝ Don’t. Try. Anything? ❞ She stammered in her most threatening voices.  ❝ Please. ❞

   “Oh, no no no! No way! No way? NO WAY! NO WAY?! NO WAY!!” His body seemed to jitter violently in a weird action vaguely resembling laughter. “You’re an EGGETTE? Wow! I was right, you really ARE an accident! A complete weirdo! A freak! An affront to the beings beyond this dinky little polluted trashpile of a world!”

   “Your world had to do some WEIRD stuff to keep you around like this!” He adjusted his stupid little cowboy hat on his stupid little head. Yes, he was still committing to that one. Majin quickly scoured his own mind to confirm his suspicions—something that essentially meant double-checking with his hivemind of selves, before nodding to himself.

   “Ya wanna know something funny?”  Lowering his gun in an act that could be misconstrued as following her wishes, he pointed to her with the other hand. “Out of all the possible timelines, all the possible outcomes—”

“It’s times like these that I’m glad I live in a forest and don’t have any actual walls per se.”

     Have you ever seen something that was so obviously an egg-shaped trap for an egg-shaped man. Because this was that! This was more than that. This was like if he approached Sonic and asked the hedgehog to kick him in the face at the speed it takes to create his namesake boom.

     But by Gaia if he isn’t curious.

     ❝  One chilidog. No onions. And a Chaos Cola… Please. ❞    

   “Uhh... yeah? That’s what I just said. One chilidog, no onions, and a Chaos Cola.” Majin stared at Eggman with a seemingly genuinely puzzled expression, now standing on the opposite side of the cart. The same paper hat and apron now adorned Eggman instead, a plain hotdog and a ladle now magically in his hands. “C’mon Egghead, this line’s not getting any shorter!”

   From far down a looooooong line of Majin clones, an exasperated shout could be heard from an identical copy of the hellhog.

   Adorning a little paper hat and an apron, Majin carefully adjusted the dinky cardboard sign (Which read ‘FOOD IS INFINITE -MAJIN’S CHILIDOGS’) that decorated the humble little food cart he’d just finished setting up⁠, smiling to himself. Surely, this would be his big break into the violent unforgiving hellstorm that was the food industry! This is what Uncle Chuck would have wanted, had Majin been in a timeline that had one. Clearly, he was in no way doing this purely to do a bit.