Words flow free

She uses form as a way to destabilize English, as a direct way to respond to and critique colonialism and linguistic colonialism. A lot of her work engages with  Lakota language as well, and very much pounds on the door of all the ways English is limiting, restricting, and destructive to Native American languages, as well as being incredibly unsuited to talking about Native American issues. She feels deeply the injustice of talking about the horrors of colonialization in a colonizer’s language, and her poetry is so damn good at expressing that. 

The connection between land, language, family, and self is alive in her work, and I cannot recommend her enough. 

Her first full-length collection was published in 2017 and is called Whereas. It is, among other things, a scathing and in-depth critique of the Congressional Resolution of Apology to Native Americans, which was signed in 2009 and is essentially a sham document which never actually admits to any wrongdoings nor uses the word “apologize” in the body of the text, and was also not actually directed towards any Native person or peoples. The second half of Long Soldier’s collection just rips the whole thing to shreds. The rest of the collection is a deep exploration of language, motherhood, family, and identity. It’s so, so, so good.

Here are some poems from it!! (I’m sorry for the image quality, my camera and lighting suck).

You say yes without a thought

I bite my tongue and stop from asking if you would love me as myself

Would you love me tarnished and blemished

With flaws and sins abound

With difficulties and insecurities

And days with madness wrought

Will you love me as myself

Difficult to handle and oh so human in my existence

You answer it without a second thought

I imagine our life together

Us crawling around near the river

I would be cold after a while

And you'll gallantly offer me your worm coat with a smile

Would you love me if I was a worm?

You ask in return

You say yes without a thought

I bite my tongue and stop from asking if you would love me as myself

Would you love me tarnished and blemished

With flaws and sins abound

With difficulties and insecurities

And days with madness wrought

Will you love me as myself

Difficult to handle and oh so human in my existence

omg okay so hi bestie sit down have some tea cause i might go on an endless rant here:

okay, so lets begin by defining amatonormativity: it is the societal expectation of everyone wanting an exclusive, long term romantic relationship and would be better off with it. some common assumptions made due to this are :

Assuming that everyone wants to get married, and unmarried/unpartnered people are unhappy or lonely

Treating romantic relationships as more important than friendships

The structuring of society around married couples (housing, taxes, etc.)

“Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?” (sourced from: https://sophia.smith.edu/aace/about-asexuality-and-aromanticism/allonormativity-and-amatonormativity/)

Now, while this affects many queer identities, i can only provide an aro perspective on it.

Growing up, all around me, from as young as kindergarten, romantic relationships were prioritised. even 3 year olds who didn't even grasp the concept of romance were like, oh they're dating now, oh they're married now, etc. throughout my life, the expectation that everyone will eventually pursue a romantic relationship was a constant.

And that fucks you up.

Lets start with the fact that it forced me into thinking it would be my end all goal. i would meet a guy, have a romantic relationship, marry him, have kids, the whole package. And that led to quite a few situations where i forced myself to act like i felt romantic attraction, to convince myself to do things i was not ready for. It led to heartache and probably contributed to my depression. It led to destruction of friendships and led to an unhealthy relationship, which i will say is still affecting me. half a decade later and i still berate myself over those things, it has affected my self perception a lot.

then, when i discovered i was aro,(and its still going on tbh) it made me think i was not normal. it led to the realisation of my othering in a way, for i would never truly know what it is that society prizes and lauds so much. It led to a feeling of isolation and forced me to internalise a lot of shit, and probably bottle up things which i still haven't told anyone about.

then, the linking of my self worth with someone showing romantic interest in me. the feeling that something is wrong with me, physically, mentally, emotionally, just because someone never said hey i like you. the fear thats still within me that i am undesirable and not worthy. that even in movies the "ugly" girl sometimes ends up with a boy so why cant i? it led me to cling unhealthily to anyone who shows/ed me even a modicum of affection, to such an unhealthy degree that it destroyed a friendship, all in the wish that i was worthy of someone's love. all in the feeling that if no one likes me romantically, i do not have worth. i would be just someone people barely tolerate and leave as soon as they can.

also, as a cupioromantic: it fucks me up even more. cause i know wanting a relationship is sort of enforcing amatonormativity but fuck, it would be nice to have. and also, the fear that what will i say to an unsuspecting person, who gets in a relationship with me? with the expectation that it will be romantic? " hey sorry i can never love you romantically but i love you with my whole heart and i hope thats enough?" and then watching them leave cause if there isn't romance whats the damn point?

it hurts every time i think people getting in relationships, expecting me to relate about romantic attraction, them saying "you will also get one don't worry" them being allies but not even knowing aromantic and treating me like i'm a cold hearted monster who could never love truly and its the mourning in the corner of my heart for the fact that i can never experience what people say is a fundamental feeling and in the end,

Anywho this is inspired by this episode, re: bugs and elmer: https://youtu.be/EEY3kRk7jks?t=1552

Time and again, you play this game. 

It begins the same. Your team talks to his and his manager then talks to yours who talks to you and like a damned fool, you agree each time. 

And each time he flashes that dazzling smile at you while you know the contract is being skewed in his favour but you don’t care at that moment because he looks happy near you and a few thousand dollars doesn’t matter in front of him looking into your eyes soulfully, even if it's only for the cameras.

You both smile as he hugs you, screaming “ We got back together! OMG Elmy baby i love you so. Much.” And you say I love you back and try to convince yourself it's all fake.

It didn’t use to be, but then, he wasn’t always a selfish prick. Now you couldn’t convince him to look at you if he didn’t get any money.

The first time, the love was there. Or so you liked to believe. It's a blur now, but he stands out clear in all those memories. Smiling, happy,innocent. He was like an angel, genuinely wanting to make a change and form genuine connections.

You wonder what happened.

Or were you just wearing rose tinted glasses, ignoring all those red flags?

The first time they approached you with this idea was just a year after the breakup. You laughed in their faces. Who the fuck even proposed this idea?

But then he called you and said he wanted to do it, to get back closer,and you were putty in his hands.

God it hurts every time.

Every time he plays you, makes you believe he loves you and then releases a video titled “We broke up.” 

And everytime you promise yourself you won’t go back, you won’t do this to yourself, but then he kisses you in the back of the car and you can’t leave.

The fans wonder. Of course they wonder. They theorise that you know, that he isn’t playing you, that it's a mutual agreement.

But then they also wonder if anyone can act that good.

And they're right both times.

You say it's for the money, but all this time you're fighting for love.

You wish desperately for him to mean it when he says ‘I love you.’

But you know he won’t change.

He will never love you.

If only you could stop hoping.

----------

Came the youthful call

Of men so bright and full of hope

One would be blinded by the dazzling of their hearts

~

Oh captain, my captain

Came the call of the youth

Shining brighter than ever

Ready to become the leaders of a revolution

Ready to bring change over the night

Ready to bring their desires to life

~

Oh captain, my captain

Came the call of the broken soldiers

Disillusioned and weary

No longer the bright things of yore

Wearing the tiredness of a war not meant to be won

~

Oh captain, my captain

Came the call of a dead man

Freed from the war by his own hand

The mournful cries of those who loved him could not bring him back

But the voice kept on crying

~

oh captain, my captain

No call came tonight

For the war had taken it all

The comrades and friends were no more

And left in their wake

Was only sadness and regret

Mediocre, generic, unremarkable.

That when the curtains go down i am but a dim impression in the back of people’s mind.

That while nobody is hateful of my presence, they don’t miss me either

I am simply a shadow, a piece of paper, useful sometimes but entirely forgettable

And the thought scares me

For what am I if nobody remembers?

Philza hears about the new area he explores from wandering traders and he kills them cause the traders who approach him are ones that are finally ready to go

They know its him to look for cause the directions are look for a man in green robes and a striped hat, shrouded by deaths blessings

And hes blessed by death but there must be equivalent exchange and so he only has one life ie hardcore. He can give them a good afterlife, but he must only have one himself.

Deaths blessing ensures safe passage to the otherworld, and peace.