#actually aromatic

Today's prompt: Pride - Take a picture of or with an arospec symbol or pride merch.

hmm. my basic advice is going to be based around setting boundaries.

it sounds like you’re working through the first step - acknowledging that something is bothering you. the next step is going to be picking your battles - in what situations do you have the power to avoid what makes you unhappy? Do any of them stand out to you as important?

From there, determine how you can change that situation. Can you request movies that contain less romance focus? Maybe look for lists in the aro community of movies that contain little to no romance. I know that various blogs keep updating spotify playlists of romance-free music, and you could curate playlists yourself for music that doesn’t contain romance. With regards to your friends, is it possible to have a discussion with them, even in a more adjacent “I feel like a third wheel” kind of way?

Back to picking your battles for a moment. You won’t “win” all of them. I personally curate my playlists and don’t watch movies much if at all. However, being together makes my friends happy. Limiting their ability to display such makes them unhappy, and I personally have drawn a mental line between acceptable discomfort from them just being a couple vs obnoxious PDA. It isn’t okay to ask people to act like they aren’t a couple. It is okay to gently remind them to tone it down sometimes (ie: “hey, sorry but could you... not make out in front of me? it’s a little weird.”). If you get overwhelmed or repulsed by it over time still, find reasons to leave and give yourself healthy breaks. 9/10 alloros do not notice because they enjoy the chance to turn it up for a bit, tbh.

Regarding the times when you just can’t avoid it... hmm. I personally go for distractions, but it’ll depend on your method of processing “icky” emotions. I distract via listening to my own music, talking about random subjects, or critiquing the movie (which has had the side effect of most people not wanting to watch movies with me. i’m very content with that, given that i feel ready to burst if I’m not allowed to chatter through the movie).

Other options might be to do things you find cathartic around times that you can’t avoid romance. I play the cello, and personally there’s literally nothing better for releasing my emotions than losing myself in the sensation of producing music. For you, this could be other fine arts or practical arts, fidgeting or doing other physically grounding things, or maybe playing games or something.

Part 2: is there an aro version of autochorissexuality? I dont really know. Also, another thing. Being autochorissexual doesn't change the fact that I'm into both girls and boys. That's why I currently go by biromantic. Would being the other thing change that? or can I still go by biromantic when I'm "aro+(What the thingy is)"? Sorry for being so confusing. Im trying my best to figure myself out 🙃

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Before anything else: orientation terms refer to attraction. Use whatever term feels most comfortable to you, but if you don’t experience romantic attraction or sexual attraction you can still be an oriented aroace or angled arospec/acespec individual and consider yourself to be “into” both girls and boys.

(also, while I don’t know how you feel about nonbinary individuals and it is valid to not be attracted to us, I find that usually the phrasing of girls/boys is unintentionally excluding us. possible alternatives can be “into people”, “into multiple/all genders”)

So, the best term I can think of other than that is probably romance favorable. It isn’t specific in saying that it isn’t directed at you, but it is known to be a broad term and people generally don’t apply it to a willingness to date unless you explicitly say it. It also isn’t an orientation term or... ah, I forget what autochroissexuality gets filed under, but that term.

I don’t really have a better answer off of the top of my head, but maybe someone that follows me does?

So, if I’m reading this correctly, you’re concerned if you’re allowed to relate to aro/demi culture because you aren’t sure if you are aro or demi?

I’m gonna start off with saying if you aren’t sure if you’re aro or demi but would like to consider if you are, consider this - past relationships or a lack of them, picturing oneself in a relationship, or being attracted to only fictional characters are not what defines being aro, though they are often related to aromantic experiences in specific ways. No matter what, you’re always welcome to try on the label or use it anyways. We’re not a community with a tendency for gatekeeping - you’re welcome to the labels so long as it is comfortable. 

If the label part doesn’t really feel like the big thing so much as a feeling of “I don’t really want to consider the label, but I relate to it and I’m wondering if that is okay”, then good news! as long as you relate to it and aren’t trying to claim it as a different culture (ie: “oh ace people do this too!” [i will be mad. don’t do that] or “alloro ppl do this too lol” [i’m beyond mad. i’m physically restraining myself from screaming. don’t do that]), feel free to interact with aro culture from my blog at least.

some blogs will have dni/byf/banner (do not interact, before you follow) pages or posts about their preferences for interaction, which may vary significantly. many general aromantic blogs are likely to be fine with interactions, but I would advise checking if you would feel uncomfortable labeling yourself as aro or demi. if that doesn’t answer your concerns, you can always send an ask/dm like “hi, I was just wondering if it’s okay if I interact with your posts if i’m not labeling myself as aro/demi but relate to those experiences.” 

on a more general note, I think most people will be fine with it, but a little weirded out. online culture right now is often very much about the labels you assign yourself and I know it’s a little odd to a lot of people when you chose not to assign labels to something frequently labeled. for example, I don’t label my sexuality, and I find that people are very weirded out by that. it’s mostly because I understand that feeling that I’m completely comfortable with interaction as long as it doesn’t aim to derail. I’m not going to lie and say that everyone will be totally understanding, even if they do allow interaction.

however you proceed, good luck!